Are you saying you emotionally abused him? If so, I am glad you are in therapy. I hope it helps you. I really do. I am in the process of divorcing someone who has emotionally abused me for 23 years. I cannot wait to be rid of him. He's like a tumor in my life. He would never get help though. Even if he did, I wouldn't trust it. I would figure it was probably just another manipulation.

Thank you for being honest. Yes I did emotionally abuse him. I took him for granted. Hearing you express your feelings for your spouse solidifies my thoughts about how my husband must feel about me. I sincerly feel my efforts to change are not manipulation but at this point I don't even trust myself. I have had years of unhealthy thoughts and perceptions. It feels good to have a therapist help me unpack. Good luck to you, and I am so sorry for what you endured.

I am so sorry to read this... I know how you feel... talk anytime!

I am sorry for your pain. I too suffered in an emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years. It was extremely traumatizing. The day I told him no more was the single best day of my life. He never took responsibility for any of the pain he caused me, did not apologize for anything. He does not believe he did anything wrong. At least you realize you have a problem and are seeking help for it. That takes strength. It is not easy to admit you are wrong or have caused someone you loved immense pain. I believe the best thing you can do if you love him is to leave him alone for awhile. Let him heal. I am sure he does deserve that. Limit your contact with him for the childrens sake only. Do not attempt.to try to change his mind about this, you both need time to heal and understand how your individual roles may have led to what was a dysfunctional relationship. I know the worst thing my ex did to me was to try manipulation tactics to get me to take him back, even tho he hadnt changed one bit. I fell for it many many times just to get hurt all over again by his abuse. G00d luck with counseling, it is a positive step for you and I truly hope it helps.

Thank you for your response. I do believe he deserves this heal. The hardest part is letting him go. Treating him badly was my choice and at times that regret is too much to bear. I don't want him back unless I'm healed. The kids or him don't deserve this. Thank you again for your response and your compassion. Hopefully your ex gets the help he needs. Making the decision to seek help is the most empowering thing I have ever done. Controlling and manipulating my spouse was wrong and awful. My therapist compared my treatment to him as slavery. I am grateful for the kind words on this forum.

So did you start therapy before he announced he was leaving?

No I did not. Some months ago he said he was thinking of moving out. I knew my behavior, mainly my mouth was out of control. This time he seemed serious and I sought help. It appears that my motives are reactive, absolutely. However my lack of compassion reaches all areas of my life. I have had conflicts at work, with friends and definitely too hard on my kids. It was time and him leaving was the biggest wake up call ever!!!!!!!!