Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Yesterday out of the blue, I received an apology.
He said,
"I'm really sorry for all the nasty things I've said to you. I never meant anything. I really wish I could take it back. I'm really not that kind of person. I was and still am just trying to heal. I'm really sorry"
I feel ANGRY because HE IS THAT KIND OF PERSON. And if he's not than why did he CHOOSE to be that person with me? and saying he said those things because he is healing is STILL not taking responsibility for his behavior. Basically, I feel like it's another way of blaming me for everything bad that happened in our relationship. He's saying he's healing from everything I'VE done to him, therefore, his nasty tirade of hate spewing texts are justified in his mind. And HOW can a person who "is not that kind of person" act like that OVER and OVER again?
I said thank you for apologizing and that he had really hurt my feelings and then like an idiot, i said I was sorry too. I am sorry for things I've done but I feel like apologizing to him just further validates his abusive behavior.
I hope I can let this go. I have been doing so well not contacting him and I don't want this apology to suck me back in and re-churn all those thoughts of the relationship failing being all my fault. I was just starting to feel good again and stop blaming myself.
He said,
"I'm really sorry for all the nasty things I've said to you. I never meant anything. I really wish I could take it back. I'm really not that kind of person. I was and still am just trying to heal. I'm really sorry"
I feel ANGRY because HE IS THAT KIND OF PERSON. And if he's not than why did he CHOOSE to be that person with me? and saying he said those things because he is healing is STILL not taking responsibility for his behavior. Basically, I feel like it's another way of blaming me for everything bad that happened in our relationship. He's saying he's healing from everything I'VE done to him, therefore, his nasty tirade of hate spewing texts are justified in his mind. And HOW can a person who "is not that kind of person" act like that OVER and OVER again?
I said thank you for apologizing and that he had really hurt my feelings and then like an idiot, i said I was sorry too. I am sorry for things I've done but I feel like apologizing to him just further validates his abusive behavior.
I hope I can let this go. I have been doing so well not contacting him and I don't want this apology to suck me back in and re-churn all those thoughts of the relationship failing being all my fault. I was just starting to feel good again and stop blaming myself.
It seems from what you've mentioned that there is a lot of feelings stirring about you; anger at him for his choices, at yourself for apologizing, and a growing sense of worry that you will repeat the pattern. I can understand the difficulty in having that person leave and return, only to seemingly destroy what kind of sense of self-esteem I built for myself when she decides to re-enter my life.
But I've also noticed a great deal of strength; of being able to acknowledge that he has hurt you (as many others may deny for the longest time, myself included), and of being able to express and understand your anger at yourself.
Take measure of what positive steps you've taken without him. Understand that even if you did apologize for whatever you did, that does not constitute a willing acceptance of him back into your life unless YOU choose to. I try to remember that while I may not be able to control how I feel, I AM in control of what I do with my choices. Stick with that hope of letting go; you already acknowledged his apology, but you don't need that negativity back in your life. You can do it.
it is all he can fathom because he is his own sun and moon
be happy that you are out of his universe
Crazy that he is using stuff that I had done 24 years ago as justification for his infidelity, and I can't even count how many times I said I was sorry for being upset about him spending over half of our money to pay bills on a vase of flowers. But I'm suppose to take his apology and be OK???
Was telling me what a negative person I was for commenting on bad attitudes that some girls had, he was going off on how these same girls are the biggest little b**ches he's ever knows...OK now that he is seeing it?
Not sure what he is truly thinking and really he is important to my kids, but I'm not willing to make anyone important to me if I'm not made the same.