Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been married for 24 years my children are 22 and 24. My husband recently asked for time and space because during the time we were together he cheated on me sat least three times I know of. I cheated on him once. Anyway we decided to stay together and work on our relationship. During this time, I did say things like when I thought about if you so needy fine someone, leave me alone, and other hateful t things. Overall, I made mistakes because of the affairs. He did tell me one day he was going to leave when he got fed up. So, the past months I though we were good. Then, he went to stay with his mom for a week. He return and than in a matter of 3 weeks he stated he wanted to move in his own place. He doesn't want a divorce as of yet. He doesn't want any contact physically with me. We had sex 4 weeks ago since than no contact. No kisses or I love you. He does still stay with his mom until he can have the monies to move. He stated there is not other woman. He been to therapy because he says he depressed and need to find himself. He says if he does love himself how can he love me. He told me he wants to forget the past an d work on himself. He stated he possibly may start anew with me but can't say now. All I know I am having a hard time can't eat,sleep, and function. He been traveling a lot for his job but he still call and text but not much. He comes by our home and he acts concern. What do I do to cope and if it's not a woman why he wants out. He says it may take months or years. In the meantime, what do I do we still married and contact remains just no intimacy.
Both of you need to stop playing games and settle on what the next course of action is. As with all situations like this, other people are probably being hurt by your actions. Family members, etc. Please think about that.
However, the part that really floored me was when you said, "He did tell me one day he was going to leave when he got fed up. So, the past months I though we were good."
I actually choked on my tea. Are you kidding me? Hubbie threatens to leave and you still think the two of you are golden. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't recognize what the two of you have as a real marriage. You may be married on paper but in real life you're both cheaters who spew hate at each other. What kind of way is that to live?
I would follow your husband's good example and go get yourself some therapy to help you better understand right from wrong, what a marriage actually is and how to have healthy relationships in general.
GUTTED said "I actually choked on my tea. Are you kidding me? Hubbie threatens to leave and you still think the two of you are golden. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't recognize what the two of you have as a real marriage. You may be married on paper but in real life you're both cheaters who spew hate at each other. What kind of way is that to live? "
I agree.. The games have to end sometime. I hope you both realize the damage you're doing to yourselves and your kids.
That said I personally think your husband is right. It does sound as though you have hurt each other badly, and it does sound as though there must be some underlying problems. Without trust and when too much has been said, it is extremely difficult to rebuild. From the information you've provided I don't think it sounds like your relationship will survive. And it doesn't sound like either of you really believe it will, however much you want it to.
You'd both have to be willing to really confront your problems, to rebuild step by step, change patterns, change yourselves... and I find that really unlikely when it has gone this far, even more so if your husband has depression which normally is nearly debilitating.
The most healthy thing for both of you probably is to let go, however difficult that may be, and not expect that you'll be together as a couple anymore.
I've seen a few couples recover from similar situations. But that was after living apart for 6 - 18 months and then slowly starting again, without any clear hope or plan of getting back together again, concentrating on rebuilding themselves first and foremost. And in most cases they don't get back together again.