Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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otacat 10/04/2016

This is just another one of those rants. I've been with him for more than a year, but before that he was my teenage love which broke off badly. This is what makes things so hard. I feel like no one will ever love me as much as he did. I really just want him back and I even begged him just for him to reject me.

We were never good for one another. He couldn't hold a secure job for long term and all he wanted to do was smoke weed and hang out with his friends. I was way too insecure and emotional. I knew the moment we started dating again that this would be a disaster, but I just wanted some relief from loneliness because I've been suffering from it for a long time. I managed to get him to hold a job for about 3 month whilst we were dating and we moved in together. It all fell apart when he lost that job and I moved into his mom's with him.

The drive from my work to his mom was about an hour per trip, so I was exhausted everyday and seeing him do nothing but smoke weed and play games all day just killed me slowly inside. I became more agitated, easily angered and depressed. He didn't necessarily care for a future like marriage and children, so for him, a job wasn't really a big necessity. So he applied for some jobs here and there with no luck and he didn't really mind. This just killed me. I thought breaking up was the right thing to do as I want a family and a home. But now that we've broken up, all I can think about is getting back together with him. I've cried and begged him back many times buts he's just sick of it now and I'm also embarassed as well. I got him to block me off facebook and now I'm regretting it and in severe pain. I just miss him so badly and I feel lonelier than ever. I've been trying to keep myself busy with hobbies and calling up friends, but in the past few days, I just can't handle it. I've broken down and I'm just not coping well. All I can think of is getting back with him.

Braveredhead 10/04/2016

I know how u feel. My bf and I are having so many issues. We almost broke up today and I felt what u feel here. I have felt this before. Being bipolar makes it harder. Hold on sweetheart. This is a chance to give yourself self love. Learn to love yourself and love being alone. I need this as well so badly. When I feel my relationship is ending I get terrified of being alone. The walls start closing in and I panic and beg him to come back. We've got to be strong and realize we need to be happy with being alone and who we are right now. That we can do this on our own. Try and focus on your breathing and be calm write down reasons being single will be good for you. Plus if he can't see how wonderful you are for trying to get him straightened out you don't need him. He didn't want commitment or to be tied down he just wants to party. Now you have the ability for God to bring someone in your life who will love you and cherish you for who you are and who wants the same things you do. Hang in there sweetie. Your going to be alright.

otacat 10/04/2016

thank you so much :'( I really need a lot of those comments right now. I just feel so heart broken. I'm also quite melodramatic and I have insecurity issues and I hate how I'm blaming myself for this break up. If I wasn't so insecure, if I didn't trap him in a relationship and let him just hang with his friends all the time, if I was also like him and just sat down, smoke weed and just played games all day with him, we would've lasted. I hate how I want a family and a house. I hate having desires at all in life... and I'd give it all up to be with him again...

AClaire80 10/04/2016

I know how you feel too. My husband & I have decided to divorce after nearly 7 years. He has a job, but for the first 5 years of our marriage, he wasn't working. I continue to be the breadwinner, which I know hurts his pride & ego a bit. He is not helpful around the house, doesn't help with the kids, (though my older 2 are not his) the one & only child we have together has special needs, & doesn't go to any of his appointments or meetings. We are both miserable. We want different things. He tells me I'm a bad mom. I know, & have know a divorce is the right thing to do, but it still hurts like hell. It's been 3 weeks, & all I do is cry. I am so miserable. My heart just can't let go, even though this man is literally toxic for me & my family. My older 2 don't care for him, so they are glad we're splitting up, though, they are having a hard time seeing mom so down. I've basically been doing this all on my own since day one, so I know I can do it, but I will miss the company of another adult. We did have some good times, but it feels like the bad just outweigh the good. I know things will get better, but I'm still so depressed. I have sought out counseling. I think just having someone to talk to will help immensely. I don't want to burden my friends with all of this. You would think reaching out to family would help, but they just seem to annoy me more than anything.
I can't shake the feeling of guilt either. I should've been a better wife. I should've been more affectionate, I should've made sure I said I love you more often.
Hang in there, this too shall pass. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?

otacat 10/04/2016

Thanks for the reply. It's comforting to know that there're so many people to share the pain with. I'm so scared that I'll never find a guy as understanding and patient as him. I was so anxious, upset and even angry that he didn't want the same things in life (family and a home) that I was so grumpy and emotional towards him and he beared with me all those times... If I didn't want any of those and just accepted him for who he is, I could've been happy with him.
I'm trying really hard to move on, but the loss is so painful, even though when I was dating him, I was miserable... I'm just so scared that I'll never find anyone as loving...

mirandac 10/04/2016

Therapy at this time will help steer and guide
You and in coping. Many of us go to therapy to
Help us get healthier ourselves.

Breakup groups Are good too if there is one
nearby. Let your Grieve your losses. Be kind
and gentle with Yourself.

Stay NO CONTACT it will help you heal faster. This
is all about you now, you getting better and healing
For yourself. HUGS

Eevee 10/04/2016

Ask yourself if you really miss him, or if the routine is what you're longing for. Change is hard. Adjusting to a new daily pattern was certainly one of the hardest elements of the breakup for me. Simple things like making coffee would make me cry. Not because I'm lazy or hate making coffee, but because that was one of his steps in our life together.

I'm hearing you say that you're worth more but then doubting if you're worth more. My opinion is, he doesn't sound like a man you'd want to grow old with. He doesn't want to grow up, provide financial support alongside you, take on responsibility. Is that really someone you want to be with? Do you want to mother someone or have an equal partner through life? Stand strong, lady. You deserve a strong man.

Don't fear being alone. There's someone out there for all of us. Enjoy the space to explore yourself until the universe introduces you to your next chapter. It will get easier. Don't be afraid to cry. Don't be afraid to feel loss and sorrow. Remember, this isn't forever. It's just for a little while.

otacat 10/04/2016

I know all the rational thoughts I should have. He wasn't right for me and I need to learn to be happy with myself.
But it's just so much easier said than done. For the past few weeks, I've been trying to busy myself, reinvent myself, joining groups I've never joined before and work on hobby. Now I just want to give up everything. I just broke down because nothing is working and I'm severely depressed. As I said, I begged him back just to be rejected. That's a real low...
I don't think I'm a better person than him because I have more emotional issues, but I definitely take on more responsibilities and I don't like sitting smoking weed and playing games all day. But right now, I'd give anything for that again. I thought I could finally live life that we've broken up. Build myself and eventually find someone to settle to build a family. But I just feel too weak to keep trying to work on myself... I'm done forcing myself to go outside following everyone's advice. Everything makes me feel miserable. Laying in bed doing nothing makes me feel miserable. Doing something makes me miserable. Eating makes me feel miserable. I can't sleep properly and I've been trying to avoid taking sleeping pills, but I just want to sleep everything off in one hand... all i want to do is bug the small amount of people i know again and again about my relationship. They're already sick of it and they've done talking to me.

mirandac 10/04/2016

This is why you do therapy and support
Groups they are not expecting a happy
Healthy you coming in the door. Breakups
Take a lot to move thru in a healthy fashion.

I also attend alanon if that is any interest to
You. Coming off relationship with an addict
And caretaking or having been enabling them
Takes a toll on us too. HUGS

phoenixrising16 10/04/2016

Otacat, Mirandac is right, you should try therapy or support groups. There's also an app I've recently embraced called 7 cups, there are some paid components, like if you want a "personalized path" or to chat with a licensed therapist, but they also have a free feature where you can chat with a sympathetic listener.

otacat 10/04/2016

I've joined online counselling.
I've looked for support groups and came here. There were no physical support groups for breakups around my area. I'll join the AA but until then, I'm a bit bed ridden at the moment.
I know I'll be better soon. I've been through break ups before. This is just a tough one and I just wanted to let it all out. Talk to people about things. Just reading people's posts here about their break up has already helped me heaps.

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