You need to get to the place where self respect and knowing you deserve better trumps feelings for the cheating ex. It's work but once you're there it's enlightening. I'm so done with my ex and am just looking forward to all the possibilities. Just let him go. Screw him YOU deserve much better. And it's really better being on your own than dealing with their stupid lies and excuses and "reasons".

https://youtu.be/rEXlScN9AO0

i listen to this before i go to sleep and find it helps me

Exactly what Coop said. While I would never wish sickness on anyone, if I found out my ex had cancer I would just be like "eh...ok". He has a new wife and family to turn to and take care of him.

If I remember correctly your ex has someone in his life and your kids are grown? They can be his support system.

I'm sorry this has set you back and I hope you get back to a good place soon!

Whats the relation between finding out about the Cancer that set you back?

Dear Brittany..

I completely understand your predicament. As I think I had told you I went through a similar situation.

I know you STBX is really scared and you are a safe, and understanding person with whom he has shared a lot of history with.

BUT...you must take care of YOU too. Boundaries MUST be set for you own self-preservation. I highly encourage you to seek counseling immediately as it is so important that you are able to support him in a healthy way without loosing yourself in the process.

What is happening is that after you made such progress moving on and healing, you are caught back in this slippery slope of being sucked back in. Not that there isnt a good reason for it...but as coop mentioned...he made his choice and unfortunately he does need to live with it no matter how hard this is for him.

I wish you all the strength and peace that I can. Good luck and hugsss Sandy

It is hard for people who have not been there to understand, I guess. That is the father of my children. And yet we both made mistakes, right now myself and our kids are all he has. And although I am keeping my distance emotionally, I was brought up not to turn my back on someone who needs help. The reason I feel like I dropped back, was because it has spun up some feelings that I thought I was over. But today is a new day, and I feel better, and I still will continue to help as needed, because that's how I was raised. And I will also continue to go on with my life......

brittany...I understand completely
I had made a lot of progress in my healing.....but even 1 year 18 months after separation...something comes along that triggers me and I slip back to despair again

Grieving is not a linear process, but more like an ocean of waves and calm

thanks giving.....Christmas.......Surgeries ....and homelessness

all majorly triggered me and have set me back in a big way

But....I am still alot better than I was those first weeks and months after she left me

All part of the process......and I am looking to join a trauma group also

plus my therapist and a divorce care group

All the help I can get

Yes I agree, It def is a work in progress for me. I have good and bad days. I, like you, could use all the help I can get.

Thank You

I mean 1 year 8 months....derr.....and yes I do want an edit option on this site
please

Brittany....better days will come

Thank You, today is better than yesterday, so I guess I will just deal with the emotions I have.

Thank You

Hmm, not sure if the comment about "not understanding if you havent been there" was directed at my question. But if so, please know, I came to this website like all others in this group; looking for support for this "devastation" I was going through with the split of my ex and I.

I asked because I didn't want to assume the feelings you were having. If they were more about your love for him in general, or you feeling like you still needed to be responsible or supportive because of the relationship you two had.

Thank you for clearing it up for me and all the responses given would have been my sentiments to you.

Good days and bad days will happen. Circumstance and events will occur that can have you feel that tug at your heart or soul. Each time you learn a way to deal with what is in front of you and move on from it; as you have said in your more recent posts, today is a good day.

Ride that goodness as long as you can.

No that was not towards you. I am sorry if you took it that way. I guess I am dealing with the fact that I might be losing him for good, even though reconciliation is not an option. I am really having a hard time dealing with his diagnosis. Does it mean that I still love him? Probably.. And where do I set the boundaries? Like I said, it's like starting the healing process all over again.