Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
There isn't really anything new to report, I am just having an off day. I haven't really written anything in a while. It's been a little over two months since our separation. I'm waiting for my attorney to send me the divorce decree so I can send it to him and then more waiting. I just want it to be over already. After finding out about all the lies in our marriage, the affair, it makes my skin crawl to even think I am still legally married to him. There is no communication between the two of us, I hope that except for the court date, I never have to see or hear from him again. I found out he and his new girl friend got a cat- they moved In together the week he abandoned me and now they have a cat. I remember when we talked about getting a pet together, I don't know why something so small as a cat annoys me. I don't even like cats. It's just that he literally picked up where our relationship ended and started with her where we left off. I mean why would someone want to go straight from a marriage to living with your girlfriend. So much baggage but hey whatever it's not my problem and I don't have to deal with it. Im not in love with him anymore, people say that I will always love him but I can't feel anything towards him but anger when I think about what he did. I am so angry about the betrayal, the " how the hell could YOU do this to ME" thing is still hard to wrap my head around. I am going to therapy to work on my issues with the divorce as well as working on myself, so I do not repeat the same mistakes I did in my marriage . Im eating right and working out and am starting to feel like my old self again. I never thought I would be this " okay" only two months ago. When he left I thought I would die, I didn't think I'd ever smile again. I showed myself I am much stronger than I thought I am. I am going out with my friends, planning trips with my other single friends, I am doing things I never would have if I was still with him. I'm only 28, no kids so I am getting to experience the 20 something single life style. It's not where I thought I would be in my life right now, it's not something I wanted but I am really trying to make the best of a really bad situation. I know this is a journey, and there are up days and down days- I just cant stand the bad annoying days. It makes me feel like I'm back at the beginning. I guess the bad days get less emotional. It's not even like I've cried today, I just feel very blah. Today, I'm mad about the money, all the money he spent of mine, all the money I am paying back so my credit isn't ruined. I am trying to get back on my feet financially, but all this money that he blew through on my credit cards needs to be payed back and instead of saving for a new apartment or a new place to live I am paying all the bills back. Saving money for the attorney fees, you name it I basically got stuck being the adult with all the responsibilities and he gets to do whatever he wants. I just wish karma would find its way with him. He lied, cheated, took me for everything I had and now he doesn't have to deal with any of the reprocussions. He is a con artist and a narcissist, and I'm sure he will do to her what he did to me. I guess as everyone says " I dodged a bullet" that he and him and all of his issues are no longer my problem. He just owes SOOOOO much money to SOOOO many people ( including me) that I can't figure out how he keeps getting away with everything. That's the anger I feel right now. It's the " what the heck universe" feeling. On top of all of that, I'm lonely. I don't want to be with him and I don't want to jump into a relationship, I am just lonely, missing affection and physical touch. I went off all social media when we separated and I feel isolated, living in a town further away from all my friends. I don't really want to be in " hiding" anymore I just don't know if I'm ready to sign back on to everything, have to explain to the whole world my marriage is over, but then again it's the truth and maybe reconnecting with people will help with feeling less alone. For anyone reading this, and especially if you are in the beginning stages of a divorce or break up, things do get easier. I never even thought I would even be here even though I have a long way to go. For anyone that is further along in their journey and have words of advice to get over what I can explain only as a " hump" it would be appreciated, how to get over the anger from betrayal, what people did to combat the loneliness without starting an unhealthy relationship they weren't ready for. To start trusting people again. Thanks.
Things got a lot better when I stopped hiding and was able to tell a few close friends. (I don't need to tell the world but a few close people is very helpful.) My parents, my brother, my college roommate, a few kind friends. Let them know. Ask for help or just ask them to let you vent. Yesterday I called my brother and said I didn't want him to fix anything I just needed him to be on the other end of the line and listen to me cry out. When I hung up the phone the call log said 58:26. My brother one of the biggest feelings are for pussies a-holes that I know listened to me vent for nearly an hour quietly and then said I love you at the end of the call. In the 36 years he's been alive I've heard that from him 3 times. Give the people close to you some credit and trust, let them help you through this. You're not going to do well toughing it out on your own.
Like most people on here there are some good days, some bad, a lot of neutral (and some just let me survive the next 15 minutes). Over time you may notice the bad spells are less frequent or maybe don't last as long. Truly good days? So far I've had 1 since she asked for the divorce, when I was hanging out with my kids and somehow managed to not think of her for an entire day. The feeling I got from that is going to be hoarded like a priceless treasure and brought to the light on the terrible days.
The divorce was asked for in July last year and finalized in November. I'm nowhere near ready to start looking for someone new. It'll probably be years. You're in your 20s, great, enjoy life again. Go meet new people. Travel to places you've wanted to go. I probably wouldn't start dating again until you've worked on you and are comfortable with who you are alone.
The loneliness is hard. I spent 18 years with her and I'm used to life being all around me. I miss the physical affection of even a touch or a kiss on the cheek on the way out the door. I'm not sure what to tell you about this, some days are better than others and others are HARD. The last time I was out of a relationship I was 19. I spent half of my life with her. I'm going to figure out how to be me on my own again and when I bring that to a future relationship I won't be bringing the baggage of this one with me.
Rather than start an unhealthy relationship or falling into negative habits I made up my mind to get busy living. I've started working out, eating healthy, quit nicotine, got some dental work done and joined a pool league. I'm also going to counseling to work on issues from the divorce and work through things I did in my previous relationship that hurt it (everyone's perfect right?). These activities are all about doing something for me. Doing things for me isn't selfish, I AM worth doing these things for.
If you're a Christian, work on your faith. Read the Bible and look at God's word. I find great comfort in doing this. Plus there are many kind, understanding and good people at a church that would be more than happy to hear what you have to say and be there for you. If you've though of being a Christian then maybe take the time to explore what it's about. If being a Christian is not an option for you then ignore this part.
You're not alone. There are plenty of people on here that are more than willing to hear what is going on in your life, offer up some advice and let you know that life is just beginning. Don't wait until you have a super crappy day to post here. Let it out so you don't bottle it up. Post your victories as well! Nothing is more heartening to me personally to see someone have a good day (or moment).