Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
He said we were taking a break. He swore he wasn't talking to any girls, not interested in relationships, and truly just wanted to "work on himself". But after nights and nights of me watching him on messenger all night with only sporadic and few responses to my messages, I knew something was up. I begged him to just tell me if was pursuing something so I could move on too. He would get angry telling me I was giving him ultimatums and then get angry about me making new facebook friends.
Then 17 days ago it all came to a breaking point. He hadnt spoken to me over the weekend and I just knew he had been on a date and spent all of that Sunday with another girl. I left him alone all weekend and on Monday, he asked me why I hadnt texted him. I told him I was trying to give him his space but asked him how his weekend had been and if he had gone out with someone. He said he had gone out with friends but not on a date. That night I LOST it. Im not proud of my actions. Im downright ashamed. I used his Facebook password and looked at his messages. It was Days and Days of messages to one girl. One after the other of cute, loving messages about their date and the fun they were having and they missed eachother and how they were thinking about eachother. I DIED. Literally DIED.
I told him to never talk to me again. That he was a liar. I am ashamed of all the things I said. He called me 11 times. I never answered bc I knew it was only to berate me for hacking his account, which I deserved. He messaged me to ask me "how did it feel after all my shady shit" that i was "a shady whore, always had been and always would be" that she is "a good person and what would I know about that" and to fuck off . How am I the whore when he is the one lying to me? At that point he blocked me on facebook and my phone and we have not spoken since.
My heart is broken. I emailed him that I only wanted to talk for closure and to apologize for looking at his messages. I just want some closure between us after everything we had been thru. He never responded. I tried again a week later because I just cant stand things to be so undone. NOTHING. I had once told him I always needed closure in a break up and he said he prided himself on never talking to his exes again.
Is this some kind of final torture then? One last slap in my face? He wins I guess. Im the loser. I feel pathetic that I even need closure from such a person but maybe its all my fault? I dont want to feel guilty anymore. I dont want to feel like it was ALL my fault. I know this is a blessing in disguise not having any contact but at the same time, I am tortured how a person can just walk away with nothing more than fuck you. Thats it? Thats the end of 4 years? How can that be?Is there any relief when there is never any closure? Never that last final closing conversation? And all I can think about is the two of them happy together, her giving him something I guess I never could?
Then 17 days ago it all came to a breaking point. He hadnt spoken to me over the weekend and I just knew he had been on a date and spent all of that Sunday with another girl. I left him alone all weekend and on Monday, he asked me why I hadnt texted him. I told him I was trying to give him his space but asked him how his weekend had been and if he had gone out with someone. He said he had gone out with friends but not on a date. That night I LOST it. Im not proud of my actions. Im downright ashamed. I used his Facebook password and looked at his messages. It was Days and Days of messages to one girl. One after the other of cute, loving messages about their date and the fun they were having and they missed eachother and how they were thinking about eachother. I DIED. Literally DIED.
I told him to never talk to me again. That he was a liar. I am ashamed of all the things I said. He called me 11 times. I never answered bc I knew it was only to berate me for hacking his account, which I deserved. He messaged me to ask me "how did it feel after all my shady shit" that i was "a shady whore, always had been and always would be" that she is "a good person and what would I know about that" and to fuck off . How am I the whore when he is the one lying to me? At that point he blocked me on facebook and my phone and we have not spoken since.
My heart is broken. I emailed him that I only wanted to talk for closure and to apologize for looking at his messages. I just want some closure between us after everything we had been thru. He never responded. I tried again a week later because I just cant stand things to be so undone. NOTHING. I had once told him I always needed closure in a break up and he said he prided himself on never talking to his exes again.
Is this some kind of final torture then? One last slap in my face? He wins I guess. Im the loser. I feel pathetic that I even need closure from such a person but maybe its all my fault? I dont want to feel guilty anymore. I dont want to feel like it was ALL my fault. I know this is a blessing in disguise not having any contact but at the same time, I am tortured how a person can just walk away with nothing more than fuck you. Thats it? Thats the end of 4 years? How can that be?Is there any relief when there is never any closure? Never that last final closing conversation? And all I can think about is the two of them happy together, her giving him something I guess I never could?
I like to think I am one that just can't walk away without trying everything I can to work out what needs to be worked out. Im not only talking about an intimate relationship with someone, but any personal or work relationship I am or "have to" be in. But there are times, when you have exhausted all your efforts, OR, you know what to expect from someone, that has you know, its time to find that resolution from within. That you aren't going to get what you need from that person. This guy seems to be that same way.
Sure, he is probably justifying his hateful nastiness cus you read his messages. He has a right to be mad, but at the same time, it could have been handled differently. Especially since, he was the one who was busted and lied, was using you or whatever.This is his way of feeling "right" in his head for what he has done.
So you've tried twice now, and he is "punishing" you by not replying. Well stop his punishment towards you and never write him again. No matter how hard. Think about those people who you want to be in your life and what you really need from those people and realize, this guy isn't one of those that could bring the positivity or support or care you are going to want from anyone you let in to your life.
I am not perfect, and have reacted at times when things didn't go my way or someone lied to me, or treated me wrong. I think most will spout off versus stepping back and thinking before speaking or doing. Its human nature. But what matters is what we do after that, what we learned and how we handle those situations next time.
So learn, accept, grow and put him where he should be put. out on the curb.
There's your closure. :)
As far as feeling guilt about getting on his messages, I still do and I know he's telling all his friends how psycho I am but I'm going to let that go to. It's in the past. I'm going to be more forgiving of myself. I lost control. Yes. I acted crazy. Yes. But it's in the past. It's done. I can only move forward and handle myself better in the future. It's time, like you, said, ChiTownBear, to learn, accept, grow and put him where he should be put. out on the curb!
I can tell you are so very intelligent.
You have gotten a couple of wonderful responses.
I have ever seen anyone get the closure they wanted from the ex.
It's better to write a heartfelt letter to him but do NOT send. Instead, have a fire----throw the letter in and that could be your closure. You will never get what you want from him.
I wish you the best!!!