Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So stbx texted me a confusing message about ordering at IHOP and he will pick it up. I realized there is no IHOP around my location, but his girlfriend lives near one. It isn't that he has a girlfriend because he has been dating since January, of which I had no clue until recently, and I can't control what he does with someone else. What bothers me is he doesn't want to give me spousal support, just a small amount of child support. He doesn't consider that he has 2 children, one in college, which he doesn't want to support and I have to provide for the other one. I have been a stay-at-home mom for most of our marriage, and I am looking for hard to find a job. Unfortunately, I am having the worst luck right now. Since I have been out of the workforce for so long, it is hard to get someone to take a chance with me. So I can't support both children and myself, I have trimmed our budget down to only the essentials. So what really bugged me about the mistaken text was the fact he was buying dinner for his girlfriend and complaining about how much support he is willing to give.
He doesn't get to choose what you receive.
You need a lawyer before you get totally and completely screwed, because it sounds like you don't know your rights and are just listening to what he says
However - your H supported you and the kids all these years so you could stay home.
I know you can't go back in time, but it is our job as individuals to be sure we can stand on our own if something happens.
I was also a SAHM for a bit, but I knew you can't rely on anyone and thank God I got my degree and went back to work. I would have been in a very bad place right now because I have no family to help me and I also have 2 kids. I have to work a lot to make it work.
I would demand via court that he pays child support , health insurance until the youngest is 21 and to split property and half of his benefits ,and spousal support for 1 year. I think it is fair, even if he is a jerk and a cheater.
I quit working when IVF treatment made me too ill to stand. It also plunged me into anxiety and depression. I miscarried at 5.5 months. When we divorced I took half the assets and half of his pension for 20 years.
In my state, payments can be set up through court (probate) so there's no chasing down the missed or late payments. This is what I am doing. I also have one in college, the other is a HS junior. I will receive child support for both of them (they will live with me the majority of the time) till they are 21/22 (basically out of college). Again, mandatory, based upon his income and the number of nights they will stay with him. If your husband won't have the kids over to his place, according to the parenting plan, then your custody payments from him will be higher.
For me, alimony is a sad little issue. The courts are imputing some income on me from an investment which I have, so they're taking those "dividends" (which I haven't touched and have no intention of touching - that's my retirement) and adding them to my tiny little income. From there, they compare our incomes and base alimony off of that. He's still fighting the alimony issue.
I realize you have no income right now, but you will have to find something, and quick. Start as a cashier, go to a temp agency, just start building your resume. Don't think you have to find your dream job right now, just get a job with health insurance for yourself and the kids if stbx isn't going to cover them. If you were married 20 years, you should receive alimony for some time.
I get the reasons you're so bugged about him buying dinner for the GF yet complaining about payments to you. Stbx has been only handing over a portion of his income to me for the last 11 months, yet he continues to live here. Talk about unfair! My legal expenses have skyrocketed because HE has been delaying the divorce. But guess what? HE went to a golfing vacation for a week with some buddies. HE gets to golf every week. HE gets to eat lunch out every day, buy coffee twice a day. He just bought 5 pair of shorts and shoes, I'm not buying anything for myself this year. I don't go anywhere without my water bottle from home, and I don't buy meals out, unless it's a treat for the kids, or the rare occassions I go out with friends. Yes, it's all unfair, and that's more reason to do whatever you can to speed up the divorce process and find employment. The sooner ties are cut, the less contact you have with him, the better. It's time to rebuild and restart. I try to remind myself of this adage, "Without scary, we don't get to be brave."