Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband, married twice even, this time 11 years. He left after retirement , grandbaby born, and my diagnosis of fibro, chronic fatigue, ortho and Gi issues. I was bed ridden awhile, depressed. He became more cruel, stated he was my slave. Wow, right. I never asked , and do not want.He takes job overseas as a contractor, has issues with sex addiction, prostitution legal there, he likes to be by himself for porn. I thought he had changed(again).Finally, i get two visits In Three years ; one we never touched, one we did, but he was not involved let’s say....I try he doesn’t want me. He asked for reconciliation , odd as he’s making no legitimate attempts...has been lie after lie. Rewrites history ,especially if it would harm him as some would. The last go around had effected my health, esteem, is this trauma bonding why can’t I just go file for divorce...love, insurance housing as he is threat you’ll be homeless, In A tent, without a penny, of course without insurance. It’s all the the signs of narc abuse. I’ve been in counseling, getting to a psychiatrist now as got off meds as we had agreed in writing amongst selves I’d turn a blind eye, even property, now he states it was for safety. I am confused, angry, hurt, used. I feel paralyzed and truly at worst shape in a very long time in all ways. I finally list my needs boundaries punishment now he was going to come home now same old song and dance, did a year ago. I’m at my breaking point. Please advise, thoughts, support.
You can either accept that or not. He is not going to change without a MAJOR psychological adjustment which must come from him voluntarily.
Yours is a clear case of "Run (do not walk) to a lawyer. Quick. Like, years ago, quick." You don't HAVE to file for divorce, but you do need to at least know what your options are, legally.
You say "love" prevents you from filing for divorce. What do you love about this man?
Am i to understand that you have previously divorced and then remarried him? What led to the divorce? Why did you remarry him?
Once you are honest with yourself, the path becomes much clearer, easier to follow and less painful.
Also have you considered going back into counseling, with the focus on just healing yourself. Many times people go into counseling to fix their marriage or make themselves into something someone else wants. It really sounds like it is time to find yourself and what you want out of life. If that is your focus, he may or may not be a part of that life.
As far as the fears (or threats) about homelessness etc, the abuse shelter can also help you with that, explaining what programs there are that you can utilize. Keeping people locked into abusive relationships by making these kind of threats is nothing new and a good abuse counselor can help you see through them.
You might also want to see a good attorney, as someone else suggested. If you are still married you have marital protections also. It sounds like time to find out your options.
Is it possible that some of your physical ailments might be the result of physical stress and abuse?
Please take care of yourself.