It is ok to have feelings! Don't feel bad for these feelings. Love yourself. You are worth it. You can't find the right person when you with the wrong one. You deserve happiness and to be with someone that does realize and appreciates your amazinginess!

your heart might still be back there but you are right here among people who care. that is important too. :)

I think thats a very common feeling in this process

Thank you

I don't think its weak to have the courage to share your feelings and try to heal - which it sounds like you are doing here.

Even after over 18 months post divorce part of my heart remains there - even with all that I have accomplished or "moved on" from - I am mostly content in my life right now - but I still look back - part of my heart is still there.

Sending good thoughts your way - go easy on yourself. xoxo

I agree with all the above posts. I have also been angry at myself recently for still having feelings for m my stbx and missing him so much, even though I am trying so hard to "move on." But I'm learning that "moving on" doesn't mean that our feelings for the person just go away, especially when we have loved someone with all our hearts (and far from being weak, to love someone fully is courageous, IMO). It's not like a switch that we can just turn off (even if it seems that's what they are doing). But that doesn't mean we aren't still healing and moving on.

Never feel bad about loving the person who would up breaking your heart. Loving someone is something to be proud of, as is giving your all. Hold your head up high because of it.

Having feelings or emotions as a result of what you've experienced is totally normal and, in fact, very encouraging. You can't feel the highs in life if you don't feel the lows. And everything comes around in a big cycle, so there are better days ahead.

This is a great post! I agree, we can not help who we love, even if they have done things that have hurt us. Love hurts sometimes. We all marry with the hopes of forever and the fantasy of true love that will conquer all. Unfortunately, life intervenes and the path is changed, sometimes without our knowledge or consent. The loss of a marriage is similar to a death. it is a major life event. There is a grieving process we need to go through. On the other side of it, you will find strength and peace.

So heartening to hear all your comments !
All of you are close to my heart !

Don't worry I hate myself for being weak and still loving someone who who could easily throw 10 years down the drain

and than I hate myself for hating myself...lol - if that makes any sense

One day Lonelygal you and I will be in a place where cobwebs surround these thoughts because we will have moved far beyond them.

I know exactly how you feel, I feel like im in the same place you are describing. I don't hate myself tho and you shouldn't either it's not your fault.

this is one of those times when the Serenity Prayer comes in handy

I'm at the point in my process where i see and acknowledge everything happens for a reason. I loved my X with all my heart, and I still hope and wish he is fine because one, he's my son's father but also because I'm beyond wishing him ill-will. But, in all seriousness, I can't honestly think of anything I MISS about him. I'm not pining away from someone to sleep next to me, or wishing he was here because he wasn't affectionate anyway. To be honest, the only things I "miss" are is handiness with cars and lawn care, but people can be paid to do that, so really, nothing.

I point this out because, as time passes and the emotions become less pronounced, you might see that NOT having him in your life has its advantages too. I, for instance, was married to someone who put me tenth on his priority list, so NOT having him here doesn't seem much different from being married to him.

I also look at the benefits of not having him around. One, I get more free time since he's obligated to take our son every other weekend. Two, I don't have to "pretend" or so do mandatory stuff as a daughter in law anymore, Three, I save money not having to buy Xmas and bday gifts for his side. Might seem petty, but really, there are advantages, once your heart has had time to move forward.

Trying : he too was never with me for anything at all but I always was there to help him thro things, emotionally, or whenever he needed help.
I've always felt alone but still miss him.
I guess I should accept my feelings that I love him and should not try to stem them.
I should also accept that he is not in my life anymore.

It might be best to try to separate the two feelings. It's always going to take longer for the love to fade, so just put that aside for now and accept that it will remain there for awhile.

The easiest thing to focus on is that you are no longer a part of each other's lives. The thing to remember, focus and meditate on is that you are free to find the person you deserve to be with. You can rebuild yourself from the inside out.