Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I write this with a bit of a harden heart... I have no idea how to address my son consent questions about our family this Christmas.
I was really hoping that by this time my wife and I would have resolved enough of our issues that the holiday could be wrapped around family more than separation. I dont blame her at all, I just wish the anger, and bitterness and un-forgivingness could be set aside for a moment for the greater good.
It seems now that even when I am genuinely just trying to do the right thing, help if you will it is wrong and I am trying to argue. I have taken the right step, got professional help, showed I want to make it right... how can we let 18 years go, how do we let our son down this way?
I said I would do what she wants, told her she could lead I will follow. Of course I will not be perfect, not make a mistake, maybe even go back and not catch and old habit this IS a working progress.
I am doing and getting better daily. How can we ever mend, heal, move on from this if we dont work at it.
Does anyone have any advise?
I was really hoping that by this time my wife and I would have resolved enough of our issues that the holiday could be wrapped around family more than separation. I dont blame her at all, I just wish the anger, and bitterness and un-forgivingness could be set aside for a moment for the greater good.
It seems now that even when I am genuinely just trying to do the right thing, help if you will it is wrong and I am trying to argue. I have taken the right step, got professional help, showed I want to make it right... how can we let 18 years go, how do we let our son down this way?
I said I would do what she wants, told her she could lead I will follow. Of course I will not be perfect, not make a mistake, maybe even go back and not catch and old habit this IS a working progress.
I am doing and getting better daily. How can we ever mend, heal, move on from this if we dont work at it.
Does anyone have any advise?
I don't know if this will help, but my guess is that whatever your wife is upset about didn't happen over night or just once. So, she's not going to heal over night. And she's probably not going to trust that you aren't going to revert back to doing whatever it was you did. (I'm not judging here, just trying to give you a different perspective.) Since you sought professional help about it, it sounds like you recognized some things you want to change for yourself. And I applaud you for that. Just make sure you're working on yourself for YOU and not her. Otherwise I promise you it won't be a permanent change.
It takes years to build trust and seconds to break it. Then it takes years to rebuild it again. So, please try to be patient w/her and yourself. This is going to take time. The more consistent you are and the less you pressure her, the better chance you will have.
With that said, as a mother, I think she is being very selfish in not keeping things calm and peaceful for your child, holidays or any other day. Though my husband has called me horrible things in front of our children and is in complete denial about this divorce, I will never take our children away from him. That is not fair to our kids!
Keep moving in the right direction! Children see more than we think.
My fear is as "tifamf" hints it very well my be to late and all the love, changing and honesty may not fix my broken family. I do pray that she heels, don't get me wrong she (my wife) is a GOOD person, mother and has always been my best friend... i just got lost along the way.
And "willow4u" (my favorite tree btw LOL ) I know she need time. i also know that the damage I have cause may never be repaired... this cuts me deeply. Now after much help, I see things I just wasn't looking at. I became a different man.... I am working to find the guy I used to be a like...
Again Thank you all very much for your words. I wish you the best as well....
Have you asked your wife where she is at with the relationship? If she wants a separation I imagine a holiday together could also be really stressful. I am glad to hear you are working on you. Continue to do so no matter what because in the end whether you and your wife come to terms to stay in the relationship or go your own ways, you'll be better equipped to deal with either--for the sake of you, your wife, and your son. Good luck with all this.