I would hazard a guess that all of us have or will go through that if we're here trying to sort things out.

Have a look at stage 3 here: http://www.abandonment.net/swirl-the-five-stages-of-abandonment

It's normal, keep doing things to up your self-worth and better yourself.

Hi hugabus,

There is a reason that Logged on to here for the first time today since I joined. I needed to read your post. Up until right now, I've been beating myself up for everything I did wrong, but I have to forgive myself and let it go.

I deeply hurt my spouse out with my rage and non-trust issues I had with him, but he hurt me with the cheating and non-communication also. I was also hurting from losing my father 2 years ago. I needed help and have been blaming myself for everything. I'm not making any excuses for what I did on my end by any means. We both had issues, but the difference between us is that I wanted help. He didn't. He just left after 11 years of marriage. I understand what you are going through. Everyday it's hard for me finding my place in life without my partner by my side, but God is helping me get through it. Let's pray for each other that God will give us the strength to help us.

Keep dealing with your anxiety issues and keep
Going to your therapist and divorce care would
help you A lot too. I did a lot of healing at DC.

Divorce is hard on so Many levels of your inner
Being. I was in alanon and in therapy For two years
before he left and i was still not prepared for the
emotional fallout, turmoil and the level Of grief.

Many of us have regrets, guilt and some have
shame. Relationships Are about two people. My
ex and i both had issues From our upbringings. I
thought they were resolved and we had grown
past them as we matured. I was very wrong, the
past was still in there. He started embracing that
part of Himself. HUGS

Thanks for the thoughts
They are very helpful
Sounds like I'm not alone

This2shallpass, It sounds like I wrote your post. We must think alike. God bless.

I do that too – sometimes I get caught up thinking about things I said or did that hurt my spouse. I think this happens in every relationship. This is what I have found to work. First I apologize for all the past and present wrongs to my spouse and then commit to be much better going forward. When those past issues come up again in my mind, I tell myself that I have already apologized for those hurts and no need to dwell on them. I focus on Forgiving myself and others. Second, I look for positive things to praise my spouse for. I express to them that I am Thankful that they are married to me and I enjoy their company. Third, I pray with my spouse every day. I express Thanks for my spouse during our prayer time. Fourth, we found a church that has good marriage small groups. We realize we cannot do this alone. We need good married people around us. Add these things to your marriage and it will make a world of difference!

I am also dealing with a ton of guilt over my relationship ending w the love of my life.
I am wracked with guilt and shame for being judgmental and overbearing to the one who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Please.....and thank you.

@ marcuz1, i would get into therapy just for you
And figure yourself out. You are the only one you
Can control or fix. I know i had a lot of work to do
On myself too.

You often can just do better the next time, many
times when its over its over as sad as it is, HUGS

mirandac:

thx for the words. i have seeing a therapist for a few months now. i have learned that i pushed her away because of my own insecurities.

it is so hard and sad. she was all i ever wanted.......and i totally blew it.
how do i deal with this.
it was all my fault we ended.

:(

@Marcuz1 - It is NEVER just one person's fault in a divorce (with very few exceptions). Lack of communication and hurt are the causes of the breakdown. Don't dwell so much on the past and what you said or did. Focus instead on changing yourself for today.

YES! the guilt i feel is maybe why im in so much pain of losing my ex. i had a really bad relationship and i used cheating as a outlet to that source of pain, well i hurt my current ex extremely. i kept using my bad relationship as a crutch when what i needed to do was to let go and not hurt people. i have learned how wrong i was and although i hate myself for hurting him and losing him. i needed to realize the extent of my hurt. even though ive prayed for him back and have tried everything possible even seek therapy its too late the damage is done. the only thing i can do is better myself to no longer hurt the ones i love

Well, I wasn't married but I do know that my anxiety has contributed the end of a lot of my relationships. I have an issue with needing to feel in control of all situations, not just in a relationship and when start to feel out of control in a relationship I will hold on tighter and start to get more upset when the other person does things out of my control. Most of my issues are surrounded by alcohol meaning when the other person drinks more than I would like them to it upsets me or when my significant other does something without "keeping me in the loop" I feel sort of lost. I have only recently recognized this about myself. I had recognized it prior t my last relationship and unfortunately I think I didn't d a good enough job keeping it cool at the end