Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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I'll try not to make this too long.
For the last 3 years, while things were fading with my ex, I started to get to know someone who I REALLY liked who I thought could fill the void and who was who I REALLY should be with.
We have known each other for about 8 years, but not real well. We go to the same place to exercise. For awhile, she was letting me in a little, and I was getting hopeful that this could evolve. We were developing a friendship and trust.
Well, for the last year, she has become very distant and at times seeming to ignore me. In fact, she would not be alone with me on one occassion a month ago.
So last night was her last night where we know each other from and then she is going back to her country for good. We spoke briefly and it seemed okay.
Many people were taking pictures with her and hugging her goodbye.
Well, after MUCH hemming and hawing, and knowing this was probably the last time I will EVER see her, as the night was winding up and after someone else took a picture with her and her daughters, I asked her friend to take a picture with her and her daughters.
BIG mistake! She immediately stepped out of the picture before it was taken and left me in it with her daughters. I was SO hurt and INSULTED and HUMILIATED! After that, I KNEW to not even TRY to give her a hug goodbye.
My inner feelings about her not liking me were confirmed.
I am SO upset by this! I can't stop thinking about it!
Sorry!
Any thoughts?
For the last 3 years, while things were fading with my ex, I started to get to know someone who I REALLY liked who I thought could fill the void and who was who I REALLY should be with.
We have known each other for about 8 years, but not real well. We go to the same place to exercise. For awhile, she was letting me in a little, and I was getting hopeful that this could evolve. We were developing a friendship and trust.
Well, for the last year, she has become very distant and at times seeming to ignore me. In fact, she would not be alone with me on one occassion a month ago.
So last night was her last night where we know each other from and then she is going back to her country for good. We spoke briefly and it seemed okay.
Many people were taking pictures with her and hugging her goodbye.
Well, after MUCH hemming and hawing, and knowing this was probably the last time I will EVER see her, as the night was winding up and after someone else took a picture with her and her daughters, I asked her friend to take a picture with her and her daughters.
BIG mistake! She immediately stepped out of the picture before it was taken and left me in it with her daughters. I was SO hurt and INSULTED and HUMILIATED! After that, I KNEW to not even TRY to give her a hug goodbye.
My inner feelings about her not liking me were confirmed.
I am SO upset by this! I can't stop thinking about it!
Sorry!
Any thoughts?
Filling the void is not something another human being should be used for.
Though I do understand that when we feel shattered there can be a codependent pull like velcro to restore a part of ourselves we think we lost.
Truth is, what we feel we are lacking needs to be found within ourselves.
Perhaps she sensed this and backed off. Perhaps she sensed your interest in more than a friendship and just interested in anything more.
In any case, you should not overinvest yourself in another and allow your happiness to depend on the moods of another.
Doing that will set yourself up for a lifetime of misery.
Looking back on it though, do you see any red flags now that you chose to ignore? If so, why do you think you chose to ignore them?
You say she's from another country, and she might not be so upfront. She might even feel insulted. Who knows. That could very well be the only way she knows how to deal with unwanted attention from the opposite sex.
Yes, I think you placed way too much importance on a random, causal gym friendship...
Anyway, there's plenty of fish in the sea. At least you're getting out, and the gym is where a lot of relationships start.
I totally agree with you ClearDay1. I should say that she would not have been just filling a void (and not exactly that), but helping heal what I have been going through. You are correct though. Also, she's Japanese and they do not always express their feelings though words and are usually not direct. She could have told me however.
You're exactly right Samantha 717. It was rude and immature. I think she is flattering herself that if she takes a picture with me, I'll tell or imply that we are together. Would never do that. We did in fact, take a picture together 3 years ago with one of her daughters when things were okay.
TexiCallie, it was a little more than that. We knew each other outside of where we exercised. We know a LOT of the same people too.
LamarWilson, I wish that were simply the case, but this was going on long before she decided to move. You're right about fish in the sea and relationships can start in a gym or place of exercise. This was the first time this ever happened with me. Thank you!
Old school Japanese women are all about dignity and honor.
In her mind it may very well have been insulting.
Japanese women who are raped will commit suicide rather than deal with shame.
I of course agree with you about being upfront and communicating, but she was taught differently.
Sorry you had this experience.
When the husband had to go back to Japan on business, he asked my gram if his wife could rent her extra room for a month and stay with her.
He did not want to leave her alone in their home.
She stayed for the month and boy did I love this woman as a kid.
She was always so kind and polite.
She was not allowed to wear nail polish, makeup...
She didn't need it, she was beautiful, but quite a cultural difference.
What would may well have been insulting?
Much like I was offended when a married man came on to me following my divorce, she may have been offended that you thought she was an easy pick up or something. That you were insinuating things by being overly friendly too soon.
Where she's from, its all about respect. Some of us American women are like that too :)
Proper relationships and courting rituals are different for her.
Cmon man, next time that you have interest in a woman, ask her on a date or at least for coffee, don't waste your time for three years