Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I just wanted to share that I've come to an end with the obsessive thoughts and regrets. What helped was getting a real perspective on how a good friend handled her breakup 3 years ago.
She was with her ex for 5 years, he dumped her through text and they only saw each other once to exchange things. She was devastated and he was a jerk about it. I always thought she handled her breakup with such grace, hiding her emotional outbursts from people and never talking to him again.
Tonight she told me she had breakdowns for an entire year after. She talked to him at least 3 times per week for 7 months. She said what I've done in 2 months was completely normal. I was shocked. For some reason hearing that she did the same thing for much longer and still came out on top makes me very optimistic. She's happily single now.
On another note..my sister (who I mentioned in my last post) had a nice conversation with me a few hours after my breakdown last night. She came up with a really good plan for me. She said if I feel like contacting him, wait 5 days. If it goes bad, wait 10 days next time. Then 15 days. Keep adding 5 days to that until I realize how much better I feel during the period of time when I don't contact him. It may sound strange to some people but it's an approach that's more gentle for me.
She also said "don't worry about redeeming yourself now. It's not going to happen. Happy people redeem themselves. Depressed people making it worse. Redemption will come when you're happy again."
Hope these insights can help anyone who's going through something similar.
She was with her ex for 5 years, he dumped her through text and they only saw each other once to exchange things. She was devastated and he was a jerk about it. I always thought she handled her breakup with such grace, hiding her emotional outbursts from people and never talking to him again.
Tonight she told me she had breakdowns for an entire year after. She talked to him at least 3 times per week for 7 months. She said what I've done in 2 months was completely normal. I was shocked. For some reason hearing that she did the same thing for much longer and still came out on top makes me very optimistic. She's happily single now.
On another note..my sister (who I mentioned in my last post) had a nice conversation with me a few hours after my breakdown last night. She came up with a really good plan for me. She said if I feel like contacting him, wait 5 days. If it goes bad, wait 10 days next time. Then 15 days. Keep adding 5 days to that until I realize how much better I feel during the period of time when I don't contact him. It may sound strange to some people but it's an approach that's more gentle for me.
She also said "don't worry about redeeming yourself now. It's not going to happen. Happy people redeem themselves. Depressed people making it worse. Redemption will come when you're happy again."
Hope these insights can help anyone who's going through something similar.
Really really liked your sister's words. My situation is pretty effed up right now and I think just 1 day in this group, reading and sharing has helped me a lot.
Really happy that you've come to a closure. My best wishes for Christmas and New Year.
Not to mention how tv and movies like to make fun of the "crazy ex". For some reason we're led to believe it's ok to grieve the loss of a partner by death but not by breakup. It can be just as devastating, confusing, unfair, lonely...
At the same time it does help to pretend life goes on as normal while you recover and until you believe it for yourself. Every time someone tells me how impressed they are with how well I'm moving on I wish I could tell them I'm not as cool and calm as it may seem but it also helps me feel like maybe I am doing ok.
To me, a crazy ex is one that slashes their ex's tires and makes weird phone calls to their ex's family members pretending to be someone else so they could get his new phone #, that he changed because she constantly called. That describes my brother's crazy ex. Simply being emotional doesn't make you crazy.
But you're right, it is nice to pretend your fine around most people. I've started doing that with the rest of my family members.
fruitipi... Your words are true. At least I haven't done those things. I've talked about it only with my flatmates and now I keep getting constant suggestions about going to therapy and being teased whenever a romantic song plays anywhere. I think you should only talk about it with someone who won't judge or tease you, or else keep it to yourself.
whatthe321... Yup, imagining her with someone else kills me. The good thing is I didn't pursue her. I haven't actually seen her with him, so playing ignorant is helping me out here. I don't even know what I'd do if I see her kissing him.