Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Dear DS,
I dont know how longer it will take me to fully recover. Now Im going through the process of forgiving myself. Im trying to forgive myself for having fallen in love with the wrong guys. God knows how hurtful it is to accept this truth.
I have blamed myself for those mistakes. I blamed myself for easily falling for someone. I blamed myself for not learning, not knowing how to read the signs, for losing self-esteem, for letting my ex put all the faults on my head, for not knowing what I worth, for blinding my mind and believed in my exs words so easily
6 months ago I found you. I started to learn about self-esteem, understand what loving people would do when they really love and care, understand how abusive peoples brains work when they want something from me
I have gone through the acceptance stage, forgiving him stage. Now Im trying to forgive myself. I have to accept my mistakes in the past, accept that theres nothing I could do. But I still wonder if there is anything I could change if the time turned back? Is there anything I could change in the past so that this pain would be less brutal?
Each time I went through a break-up, it often took me a year and a half or two years to overcome the pain, and be ready for the next relationship. But that was before I learn about self-esteem and abusive relationship. Now I have learnt about these, I feel so cautious, so careful, so scared of being hurt again, but also extremely scared of solitude. But somehow, I feel that Im so ready to be single for long long long, even much longer than my previous break-up, or even for the rest of my life. Im so scared to be hurt and emotionally abused again.
Everytime I read a topic, I always look at the member profile (if not private) to see how long that member is here on this site, how long ago that story happened to see how long the schedule is that member have been suffering Some members are here since 2007 or longer. Some said that they were single for 5 years before starting a new relationship I know that people have different schedule. And I wonder how longer I can still stand this. Im so scared that one day Ill lose caution and be hurt again. I just will not be able to forgive myself if I forget what I learn and again make serious mistakes.
I dont know how longer it will take me to fully recover. Now Im going through the process of forgiving myself. Im trying to forgive myself for having fallen in love with the wrong guys. God knows how hurtful it is to accept this truth.
I have blamed myself for those mistakes. I blamed myself for easily falling for someone. I blamed myself for not learning, not knowing how to read the signs, for losing self-esteem, for letting my ex put all the faults on my head, for not knowing what I worth, for blinding my mind and believed in my exs words so easily
6 months ago I found you. I started to learn about self-esteem, understand what loving people would do when they really love and care, understand how abusive peoples brains work when they want something from me
I have gone through the acceptance stage, forgiving him stage. Now Im trying to forgive myself. I have to accept my mistakes in the past, accept that theres nothing I could do. But I still wonder if there is anything I could change if the time turned back? Is there anything I could change in the past so that this pain would be less brutal?
Each time I went through a break-up, it often took me a year and a half or two years to overcome the pain, and be ready for the next relationship. But that was before I learn about self-esteem and abusive relationship. Now I have learnt about these, I feel so cautious, so careful, so scared of being hurt again, but also extremely scared of solitude. But somehow, I feel that Im so ready to be single for long long long, even much longer than my previous break-up, or even for the rest of my life. Im so scared to be hurt and emotionally abused again.
Everytime I read a topic, I always look at the member profile (if not private) to see how long that member is here on this site, how long ago that story happened to see how long the schedule is that member have been suffering Some members are here since 2007 or longer. Some said that they were single for 5 years before starting a new relationship I know that people have different schedule. And I wonder how longer I can still stand this. Im so scared that one day Ill lose caution and be hurt again. I just will not be able to forgive myself if I forget what I learn and again make serious mistakes.
But you can't live in regret. I think there's no way around feeling it. Gotta experience it and process it. But hopefully let it go after that. I'm new here, but separated a year. Only feel partly recovered. It's a long process for sure.
I think if you don't feel ready for a relationship, there's nothing wrong with being by yourself longer. There's no rush, no timeline on this stuff. If you really want a relationship and it's fear that holds you back, then keep talking, reading, learning, journaling, counseling, whatever it takes to get you past that. If you just really want time to be yourself and work on who you are, then don't fret over absence of relationship. In time, when you're feeling good about you and happy with yourself, then it will happen.
Waiting myself for that day and trying not to compare too much or panic because we all are ready at different time frames.
I've found that forgiving yourself is the hardest person to forgive. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are recognizing the lessons learned and what is important now is to make better choices in the future. Don't obsess on things that have already happened. It is what it is.
I've had two serious relationships and they were both abusive, one was physical and thank GOD I was able to get away safely. The other is my soon to be ex-husband who was verbally/emotionally abusive. I think the verbal abuse is so much worse to get over because the words that he has said constantly get replayed in my head. I am the common denominator in these relationships so I have done a lot of thinking about why I ended up with these men. The obvious is that I didn't love myself and didn't set higher expectations for my relationships, I feared not able to find someone else so I settled and my self esteem was low.
Forgiving yourself and your mistakes can be really hard because I keep beating myself up even though I know I can't go back in time and change anything. I am just afraid I am going to go down the same path and repeat the same mistakes again. Sucks that I have never known what a happy and healthy relationship is.
Sorry I don't want to compare people. I just wonder if there is some dim light showing that the dark tunnel will end, and we'll get out of this bad feelings one day. Though we don't know how long it may take, but I hope that there is hope for all of us.
Maybe I'm looking for an anchor to keep continueing on this road. I don't know...