Hi. New to the group and looking for outlets to help me as I go through my divorce. I was married 10 1/2 yrs (2017) (rough marriage) before I found out my husband had been cheating on me. ( apparently for 2 years) We split I filed for divorce but then he wanted to come back after he left. Told me he’d stop cheating. This went on for a whole year of him getting caught and me taking him back. The final straw was oct of 2018 ( 12 yrs married) when he had a hickey on himself. We have 4 kids the youngest is 6 months ( during our separation I got pregnant but we were working on our marriage , or so I thought). One of the worst  parts is that it wasn’t even different women it was the same one. I believed all the lies that he loved me and only wanted to be with me. We were even making future plans talking about growing old together all the while he’s doing the same thing with his side chick. After I made my final stand of not taking him back he began being an a$$hole to me. (Before he was telling me he wanted to work on our marriage and he would go to counseling) one of my biggest fears is that he’ll be loyal to his gf ( side chick) when he couldn’t even be loyal to me. And I’m scared cause now I’m 34 a single mom with 4 kids. I do have a lot of family support from my side and his. ( his family loves me and couldn’t believe he had done all that) but it still doesn’t take away the hurt and pain. I have moments of low self esteem where I don’t think anyone  will want me. ( I don’t want that to experience of marriage to be my only one) I go through moments of depression anger and anxiety. I try to be strong for my kids and put a brave face on. The divorce process is almost done and I’m not sure how I’m going to feel about that.