Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have moved most of my entries to journals, as I have felt I have been doing better and to let new people take the stage to help with theif fresh greif. Today I need help and dont have anyone near by to reach out to. My family sucks.
Since the day I moved out (Good Friday) I have been urinating blood. As a person who has had Kidney Stones, I chalked it up them, and figured it would pass. A month in, and the blood has gotten worse. Enough for me to finally go see my doc. Lab confirmed large quanties of it in there. Pain comes and goes. Was really bad Thrusday and Friday so I asked my STBX if she could keep the kids. She said yes and offered to have me stay at the house in case I needed to go to the hospital, they could take me.
I declined. I felt like I asked her for enough with the kids. Last night was also a school fun fair for the kids. She picked me up because of the pain meds, I did not feel safe driving. We started to talk a little bit of changing to a legal separation again at least for me to have insurance. We were interrupted by neighbors, and on the way home I asked if we could try to continue the talk soon. She agreed.
Today, I needed to fix the front end of my car. My back killing me, pissing blood, but it had to be done since I dont have the $ to have it done. I get over there an managed to get that taken care of. She had mentioned needing help with the weedeater, so I took care of it too. She came out to mow the law, and I asked her for 5 minutes to finish the little talk we had from yesterday.
Mind you we have not talked since I moved out. I still want one final chance to work on it. I realize that it would be a near impossible feat, but I want to do it. She said she was considering the separation because she still cares for me. But that It would never lead to us fixing the marriage. Personally I think it is a saftey net. If I dont have her insurance, and something happens to me medically my works insurance would bankrupt me. A $15000 copay + monthly deductions from your paycheck. I'm boned.
We talked about a lot of stuff finally, and this is where I wish it would have been with a counselor, becuase they could have helped to direct the dialog, Finally it got to the point of her shutting down. She pointed out that she was pissed because she said she needed space. But she couldnt give me a time frame. I said fine, but wanted to have open communication (no lies) she did not do that. So while I was supposed to resect her need to find herself, she refused to respet my insecurities and agreement. When I filed for divorce to protect myself, I became the devil. An evil self centered monster. Granted I said I would stop it if we went to marriage counseling, but alas that was too much.
Now, she is mad that I have begun talking to woman on dating apps. (Mind you I tell the woman that I dont want a hook up or anything more than friends) but that I am not loyal or faithful. This after she tells me to go out and screw around. I had asked her several times, saying that I feel like it is cheating, are you sure that you dont want to reconcile becuase I know it will end our chances. Alway get, go do what you want. It's like she is pushing me away, but waiting for me to come back home with my tail tucked been my legs. I need something from her. I need some reassurance.
All of the work that I put into changing, of being a better person over the years has gone unnoticed. She always find a way of taking my words and twisting them so that what I say always blames her. Says that I blame her for everything. Then again there is some truth to it, if you have a problem with something in your marriage, and there are only two of you, one of us is the issue.
Between the pain my body is going through with its stone or cancer or whatever, my head pounding, my heart trashed, my family giving up on me. I really dont see a reason to live. I know this is a dark time, and I am trying to see the light. She says that she still has not gotten the time she needs with out me (but I am expected to be at the house to get the kids ready in the morning). Got mad and said, ah yeah guys and their time frames...
If I go no contact, which would be best for us both, my kids suffer. I don't know how to go on any more. I think I'm giving up.
As a human being, I do have a need for company. Not looking for sex. Just people to talk to.
This is the worst I have felt in a long time. I texted her and told her that I need to go no contact. I don't know how to do it with out hurting the girls, but me leaving all of them alone seems like the only way that help.
I am not sure I have a place in anyone's life anymore.
I think I am a worthless man. The world would be better off with out me.
~Spoken by someone who took a year to get out of the pit, after having been down there already for another year.
When you are together,you see the love and cad even fill the closeness you had.
I can't separate it. I thought I could but so far this week ive fallen back words.
I am the child of divorced parents, no children myself during my 24 year marriage because honestly the thought scared the bejeezus out of me.
That's the damage it can do.
This article was by Mayim Bialik ( Blossom girl), and she offered a healthy perspective.
Divorce is not the end of a family.
The dynamics change, things shift, like everything in life.
You are NOT losing your family.
People and things are just changing.
That's OK. Things grow and change in life but that doesn't mean LOSS.
I believe I have many abandonment fears because of how my parents chose to conduct themselves, and viewing things in this perspective seems to give me peace.
Maybe it will help you too
I sit here writing this waiting for church to begin. I invited her to this but she doesn't understand. Doesn't believe in organized religion.
I tried to explain that it is about community, and feeling like I belong.
I invited her, and told her to bring the kids. I will be on my weekend. She doesn't want me to. I told her that I wasn't asking permission.
Sigh, hopefully God will inspire me today. I need the help.
Inner wisdom is what we all have. Intuition. Some call it the spirit, and we're each guided to different things.
We have free will. You and your wife obviously have your differences, but I hope you find your peace and strength at church.
Blossom's (haha easier to spell!) article is speaking of an idyllic situation but it takes work from both sides to make that happen. I tried a collaborative divorce process with my ex and he entered it but with the same frame of mind he had during our relationship unfortunately which made "working together" impossible. No matter how much effort YOU make it's likely it won't be matched just as it isn't being matched in your fight to save your marriage. Expect that but stay strong in front of the kids. Unfortunately they're likely to be in similar situations once they're older and you are drawing up a blue print right now as to how they may themselves handle it. And damn kidney stones are know joke!! says someone who's had three kids with no epideral. Take care of yourself if not for you right now (and FYI anyone who makes the kind of effort you are is most definitely worth it!) do it for your kids.