((((((((((((LLMLT))))))))))
You will find your strength. There were many times I felt that way. But, and this is a big but, your children mean more to you than to allow it. When you are ready, you will figure it all out. The constant circus of hurt and confusion that is your life right now will not last forever. When your mind and heart are ready to take that next step, you will find the strength to do it.

Then go. Forget those people. You can never put a price on your peace of mind.

Now I think leaving your kids might bring you a whole new set of worries, so maybe you can do something in the middle and move out?

I have felt that way many times, sure. But the lucky thing for me is I only have a dog so we can be modile to just get in the truck and take off to nowhere... you on the other hand, have responsibilities that really keep you from doing that. So I can only imagine the frustration and rough time you are having with trying to stay strong and positive for the kids when you fell you can't stay strong enough for yourself.

I am not sure of what is all around you, but since he is still living there, would you feel comfortable leaving the kids with him for a day so you can get out of the house? Plan a day for just you? Even if that is to just get in the car and drive Nowhere just for a few hours to get some air, time to yourself and a little quiet time to rummage through all the garbage rolling around in your head. a drive to the Mtns or country even just for a few hours can do a world of good, I know.

Stay as strong as possible and figure out a way to get your "ME" time.


*bear hug*

My poor llmt. I feel your pain!

Can you volunteer somewhere? Get a part time job?

I hate being here unemployed, feeling like I'm leeching off of him. You know I had to quit school so that was what was keeping me sane. Something to do every day for ME.

It's harder for you cuz your kids are younger. There comes a time (and guys I'm gonna use the feminine pronouns here okay?) when a woman gets tired of being: mother-wife-daughter-sister-friend-coworker-aunt etc..... that she feels everyone is taking a piece of her until there's nothing left.

You can only be so many "labels" until you stand up and scream I JUST WANT TO BE ME!!!!!

Find something for you, a class, volunteer work, part time work or just one hour a day to exercise or walk around in a book store (for me it's books and vintage stuff).

It's taken me three years not to want to put a pillow over his head while he's sleeping!!! Now, he's just a boarder just someone who lives here too. More like a dorm and less than a prison.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgUo7IpiGwI&feature=related

This song has helped me lots.

".......cuz when a heart breaks it don't break even"

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[llmt]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

I have had many days when I wanted to just jump in my car and leave it all behind.
I actually have just gotten in my car, picked a country road and drove and drove and drove until I was tired and then I turned around and drove back home. It is a little theraputic. I hope you are able to find a way to get some peace with everything you are going through.

next month I hope that's Just what I'm doing. getting in my car with the last of my belongings and heading South

tough choices in life

llmt,

I can only imagine the frustration, I could not live with the stbx , Can't even stand to breath the same air.
Now the kids on the other hand must be in your life.
Try to do something just for you, something that is rewarding so you can deal with the rest..

I wish you the peace of mind you need to get through.

Can you pick me up on the way outta here? ;)

Seriously, the kids are NOT better off with the cheating liar. Money isn't everything. They need YOU. I sure get the wanting to give up feeling.. It is all just too much. Hang in there, Llmt. Keep looking at those kids to keep you afloat and lean on us, too, hon. Some days I calculate how many years of raising them i have left alone... it is just overwhelming. But some day maybe it won't be...that is my hope, anyway. Wish he was out of the house for you so badly.

((((hugs))))

If you leave them you can loose all chance at custody for abandoment. You do not want to risk that. Please. think about it. If there is any abuse you can get him out of the house on an order. IDk. I left but I have a place to go with my kids. i know it is hard. Hugs. Hold on to those kids.

It is frustrating and terribly hard. You have support here and some good suggestions. I hope they help.

Lynne