Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Getting to Acceptance

TSand
TSand
The situation is clear. My sbtx is not coming back. She is spending money like crazy, I got a call from her credit card company asking about recent activity, and I honestly don't think I could stand her if she did want to come back...WHICH SHE DOESN'T! I am trying like hell to get to acceptance of this and to stop seeing it as such a horrible thing. It is sad to see a family fall apart and to lose a marriage of nineteen years when you loved your partner the entire time, but it is not fatal and it doesn't mean the end of love. I know I can't hurry things up. A friend who was divorced told me that it took him two years to get over it and I am trying to come to grips with that number. I don't feel as bad as I did three months ago. I don't feel as bad as I did two weeks ago, but day to day some days I feel worse than the day before. DS has been a godsend to me and the other things I am doing, prayer, therapy, reading books, talking to friends and family particularly my two kids have helped me get through this as far as I have gotten. Of course I want the pain part to be over. I have no control of that or of her or of anything but my actions. I don't want to live in blame or pain or guilt or fear or sadness, but some of the time these days that is where I am. I know that you all are there with me or have been there or understand exactly what I am talking about. Thanks to all of you for sharing your honest feelings and let's have the best holiday season possible under trying circumstances.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, let's do make it the best holiday season possible. That's what I'm doing and so far it is a relief to keep busy in the positive things life has to offer.

I share your pain since my STBX was the one who left (for an extended family member) without considering counseling. He said I was the one who needed it. That's another story.

I don't know how long it is going to take to get over it. My kids are grown, but they have been seriously affected, since they knew about the affair and were under the pressure of keeping it a secret (another long story). Such a mess.

So while the STBX's go out and enjoy their newfound love, we sit here and mop up the mess. But I refuses to be defeated by this. It is hard, but hopefully there are better times coming.

You are right, in the end we can only control our own actions, and I am glad that I am choosing the high road and putting the best possible example of how to handle adversity in front of my kids and grandkids.

We have to stick together and give comfort and support to each other in this horrible situation. DS has been a big part of doing that.

Take care of yourself as best you can right now. Even if your kids are older, they still need you. They always will, and this is so hard on them too.
keepthehope
keepthehope
Picking up the pieces to move on can only happen when we hhit the accpetance stage. For many of us it is knowing how to get there and knowing what to over come. For when love runs deep it is what takes the most time. Sorting through feelings from what you felt in the past to what you should feel in the present. Looking for understanding and peace that will get us to accpetance. The holidays will be a bit tough but it is something we all must face. I wish you all the best
solongbye
solongbye
After 9 months of lies and outright infidelity I finally had to accept the fact that my 21 year relationship was over. I was devastated at first, I really thought that I would lose my mind. I now realize that the way that I was living was the crazy part. I lived with a serial cheater, a drug abuser, a man that lied about everything. I was constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. I pleaded with this man to stop his affairs and put our marriage back together, after many humiliating times for my children and I it was obvious that it was over. The hardest thing for me to now accept now is his lack of responsibility for his children.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am so understanding of where you are in this process. it's funny how you go so long and your feeling like, ok, it's not so bad anymore and then bam, you get hit again. emotions come and go. i agree with you, we are blessed to have this site and each other. we do need to make the holidays the best we can, and i'm really looking forward to starting a new year being focused on myself to become the best person that i can. HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL.
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY
The first 3 months were bipolar hell, accepting but hoping. Felt like I was in a coma in a hospital having a Bad dream. Then the summer months came and I spent time camping with friends for our annual Grey Fox Bluegrass Festival line camping.

After 5 months I finally Heard the words to Unwritten, and I was accepting being on my own and looking forward to a potentially decent future.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lFXy5bIiSA