The situation is clear. My sbtx is not coming back. She is spending money like crazy, I got a call from her credit card company asking about recent activity, and I honestly don't think I could stand her if she did want to come back...WHICH SHE DOESN'T! I am trying like hell to get to acceptance of this and to stop seeing it as such a horrible thing. It is sad to see a family fall apart and to lose a marriage of nineteen years when you loved your partner the entire time, but it is not fatal and it doesn't mean the end of love. I know I can't hurry things up. A friend who was divorced told me that it took him two years to get over it and I am trying to come to grips with that number. I don't feel as bad as I did three months ago. I don't feel as bad as I did two weeks ago, but day to day some days I feel worse than the day before. DS has been a godsend to me and the other things I am doing, prayer, therapy, reading books, talking to friends and family particularly my two kids have helped me get through this as far as I have gotten. Of course I want the pain part to be over. I have no control of that or of her or of anything but my actions. I don't want to live in blame or pain or guilt or fear or sadness, but some of the time these days that is where I am. I know that you all are there with me or have been there or understand exactly what I am talking about. Thanks to all of you for sharing your honest feelings and let's have the best holiday season possible under trying circumstances.
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