Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
This is my first post on here. I'm finally getting ready to leave my husband (actually applied for an apartment today) but I am struggling immensely with the guilt and fear of leaving. He thinks we can work out our problems, but I know that too much damage has been done (mostly verbal abuse and consistent lying on his part and possible infidelity).
We have no kids and have been together 6 years.My husband has always had an anger problem but like most, I turned a blind eye to a lot of that and looked at it as more like a "quirk" than a problem. Not until the past couple of years have I realized it's bad and out of control. He has never physically hurt me, but if he feels at all slighted, the verbal abuse is very bad. I have been called names, told I was hated and he has threatened divorce on more than a few occasions. I also get told that I'm crazy and need medication and everything in between.
The real decline started a year ago when I found that he was chatting with people online and exchanging inappropriate photos, I was crushed but loved him and tried to rationalize his behavior (our sex life had been lacking due to me working full-time and going to school for a while), I told him we needed therapy and he agreed to go. We went for 8 months and it was always 3 steps forward then 4 steps back when I would find out he was texting another person and hiding it/lying to me about it. This has been going on for a year and we finally had a huge argument a couple of months ago in which HE TOLD ME it was over and he hated me and he was done with me. He then removed every trace of me from his facebook (which was a very public display of our breakup I thought).
I'm ready to go. I don't believe that I will ever trust him again and he is not ready to tackle his anger and other emotional issues. I always foolishly thought I could save him, but I know I can't. Now that he knows I'm looking for apartments he is begging me to stay but then 2 minutes later blaming me for all our problems and calling me an evil person for doing this and a quitter and a failure.
I have been pretty quiet about this to friends and family. I have told my mom as we are very close. She always wanted me to try and work it out if possible but supports my decision to leave after seeing my self esteem fall to pieces in the last year. I recently told a good friend and she also told me that I deserve to be treated better and happy.
I am still struggling with leaving though. I have always taken care of all the finances and bills and shopping and such and I feel stupid, but I worry about his ability to care for himself. I know he's a grown man (34) and I'm not his mother, but I still care about him and worry about him falling off the deep end if I leave. Has anyone else had an emotionally unstable husband they felt very guilty about leaving? How did you get through that? Thank you for reading all of this! Any other general input would be appreciated. I feel very torn yet still sure about my decision. Does that make sense?
We have no kids and have been together 6 years.My husband has always had an anger problem but like most, I turned a blind eye to a lot of that and looked at it as more like a "quirk" than a problem. Not until the past couple of years have I realized it's bad and out of control. He has never physically hurt me, but if he feels at all slighted, the verbal abuse is very bad. I have been called names, told I was hated and he has threatened divorce on more than a few occasions. I also get told that I'm crazy and need medication and everything in between.
The real decline started a year ago when I found that he was chatting with people online and exchanging inappropriate photos, I was crushed but loved him and tried to rationalize his behavior (our sex life had been lacking due to me working full-time and going to school for a while), I told him we needed therapy and he agreed to go. We went for 8 months and it was always 3 steps forward then 4 steps back when I would find out he was texting another person and hiding it/lying to me about it. This has been going on for a year and we finally had a huge argument a couple of months ago in which HE TOLD ME it was over and he hated me and he was done with me. He then removed every trace of me from his facebook (which was a very public display of our breakup I thought).
I'm ready to go. I don't believe that I will ever trust him again and he is not ready to tackle his anger and other emotional issues. I always foolishly thought I could save him, but I know I can't. Now that he knows I'm looking for apartments he is begging me to stay but then 2 minutes later blaming me for all our problems and calling me an evil person for doing this and a quitter and a failure.
I have been pretty quiet about this to friends and family. I have told my mom as we are very close. She always wanted me to try and work it out if possible but supports my decision to leave after seeing my self esteem fall to pieces in the last year. I recently told a good friend and she also told me that I deserve to be treated better and happy.
I am still struggling with leaving though. I have always taken care of all the finances and bills and shopping and such and I feel stupid, but I worry about his ability to care for himself. I know he's a grown man (34) and I'm not his mother, but I still care about him and worry about him falling off the deep end if I leave. Has anyone else had an emotionally unstable husband they felt very guilty about leaving? How did you get through that? Thank you for reading all of this! Any other general input would be appreciated. I feel very torn yet still sure about my decision. Does that make sense?
Your husband will not change. Stay or go, He. Will. Not. Change. Except perhaps for the worse. You cannot feel guilty. You worrying about the finances and shopping is all just a part of his technique of manipulation. He'll be fine. There will be an adjustment period for him - as there will be for you. But he will be fine. And you will be SOOOO much better off.
Big hugs and Best of luck to you.
The emotional and verbal abuse has been terrible. He had
One emotional affair someone he was going to save. Now a
New aa gf he wants a better relationship with and he asked
For a divorce.
I am finally out of the abuse and it is very healing. I am
Mourning and grieving my marriage, it will take me a long
Time to heal my wounds.
He has always been controlling but became much worse after
Changes in his job and life style. He took my power away,
He started running to momma for support and to talk things
Over. I could not stop them. She took it as helping her son i
Took it as her being a third wheel in my marriage.
He started with tit for tat stuff, then high risk investments,
Then got on facebook and a whole new world opened up
With woman and relationships,Then porn, and now needy
aa woman.he had an addictive personality
It has been a roller coaster of abuse the last 11 years
And God did for me what I couldn't seem to do for
Myself. We are now in the throws of divorce .
.