Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Trying not to let my self get hooked in.
I was starting to do good at separating myself emotionally from my ex with no contacting or caring what he thought about me (trying to be nice so he would still care). But then my brother had an accident he was badly burned, but he is going to be ok, but of cause as things sometimes go my daughter was in another hospital because her medication was all out of wack and we needed to get that straighten out and she could not be released until it was. So I was going nuts, so I needed to rely on him to help me with my daughter a lot more then I would have. Yes it is his daughter too, but he needed to step up more them he normally would have. So my thing is now, he is being this nice guy, I am talking to him more on the phone which I was not doing, and I am back to being the nice conversing person I was trying to move away from. Yes he is concerned about my brother I guess, it was his brother in-law at one time but who knows with him, but since my daughter is now out of the hospital I want to put up my wall again, but it is hard I got sucked in with my emotions. I kept thinking oh look he cares, about me, this is what I was getting past caring about. I mean he even told me to tell my sister in law t o call her if she needs him and that he might go see my brother I don't think he would because he never follows through on what he says. But that can not happen I didnt even tell my sister in law. They hate him for what he did to me, but of cause he does not know that because he still thinks he did nothing wrong. Anyway when he said that I should have said dont go and no she would not want to call you, but like I said I did not because of my stupid, oh look he is being nice to me, and this goes back to me wanting someone to care about me.
And I saw he had his two phones knowing one is the one he uses for his women.
I was starting to do good at separating myself emotionally from my ex with no contacting or caring what he thought about me (trying to be nice so he would still care). But then my brother had an accident he was badly burned, but he is going to be ok, but of cause as things sometimes go my daughter was in another hospital because her medication was all out of wack and we needed to get that straighten out and she could not be released until it was. So I was going nuts, so I needed to rely on him to help me with my daughter a lot more then I would have. Yes it is his daughter too, but he needed to step up more them he normally would have. So my thing is now, he is being this nice guy, I am talking to him more on the phone which I was not doing, and I am back to being the nice conversing person I was trying to move away from. Yes he is concerned about my brother I guess, it was his brother in-law at one time but who knows with him, but since my daughter is now out of the hospital I want to put up my wall again, but it is hard I got sucked in with my emotions. I kept thinking oh look he cares, about me, this is what I was getting past caring about. I mean he even told me to tell my sister in law t o call her if she needs him and that he might go see my brother I don't think he would because he never follows through on what he says. But that can not happen I didnt even tell my sister in law. They hate him for what he did to me, but of cause he does not know that because he still thinks he did nothing wrong. Anyway when he said that I should have said dont go and no she would not want to call you, but like I said I did not because of my stupid, oh look he is being nice to me, and this goes back to me wanting someone to care about me.
And I saw he had his two phones knowing one is the one he uses for his women.
But don't let it cloud YOUR feelings of how you were treated. Don't get sucked into believing it's all changed and he's all "changed" for showing some compassion.
Let the anger & resentment go...keep moving forward, know what YOU want out of life and a relationship.
* I was not the victim of a cheater, so use this as a semi-impartial view, thanks.
Staying "detached" emotionally while dealing with them and not getting hooked in by charm is a real art form.
I was up against this same issue. For me, when he wiled me with niceness and charm I would start to doubt myself and what I know to be true and it always boiled down to believing in myself, my self concept and esteem and what I believed on a core level that I deserved. In a word I subconsciously if not consciously felt or was convinced that somehow I "caused" his behavior.
I believe that people like this choose people that already have their self concept and definition compromised and are easier to manipulate and convince that they are the problem. It is a cycle also, they charm us in and then show us who they really are, then they turn on the charm to pull us back in. It goes on and on until we say "STOP!! I want off this ride!!!"
At least you are seeing the cycle and how your responding. Some never do. Just stay in touch with the fact that "If nothing changes then nothing changes"
You can learn to detach emotionally, keep you self definition, not give up self and still interact with him.
It just takes practice.
Hugs to you....