The anger is hurting only you... not him. It may sound crazy, but if I was in your shoes I'd work on forgiving him, which will ultimately give you the sane mind you're seeking. Believe me it works.

Don't let what the asshole did to you spill over into your next marriage.
He isn't worth it. You keep thinking he is happy, but chances are he's not. If he did it to you he will probably do it to her too. Be happy that you got rid of the jerk and found someone else. Focus on your future, not the past. He's not worth a spot in your head.
It will end when you let it end. Hugs to you

after a breakup once, i had so much anger that i simply had to find some way to put it to good use. so, i decided to build a stone wall on my property. each stone weighed at least 60 pounds.

i built that friggin wall in a month all by myself.

ever try to put together a jigsaw puzzle where each piece weighs 60 pounds?

believe me, after that wall was built. there wasn't much anger left. lol

I know everyone says forgiveness will free you. That is a good reason to try and figure out how to forgive. As for me, I haven't figured it out yet myself. I don't know how someone can be so selfish, especially with kids involved. I wish I knew the secret to forgiveness. My ex comes around to see the kids every few months and I still fight back tears and want to pound my fists on the walls ( I have the bruises to prove it). It's been almost 3 yrs.
Just know you are not alone. I wish I had some better advice. Hopefully the answers will come in time.

Hugs, Cherie

I agree, forgiveness is a strange concept to get one's head around. It is an abstract with no good way of interpreting into actions of some sort.

So, I figure it best just to try to focus on what I can do something about that is constructive and moves forward.

We always knew that we couldn't win them all, I guess.

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. ~Lewis B. Smedes

Nice quote..

No. It isn't 'normal' for someone to get up and leave after 22 years of marriage. It is common, but not normal; In my opinion anyway.
As for the finances. sigh. All you can do is deal with that. I filed bankruptcy. As much as I didn't want to, it's a relief not worrying about another call from a bill collector. Still no job after 1 1/2 years. But I am getting unemployment until sometime in March.
If you met this guy today, would you even want to be friends with him? If I met my X, I would not. So I don't even think about what he's done to me. I mean, like everyone else, every now and again it creeps into my brain. I sweep it away knowing that things will get better. Because I've already had the worse. Homeless, no money,, no job, and had just my car and clothes. I have things in 2 brother's garages but that would only fill the back of one normal size truck.
Try to see that you are rid of someone that would do such a thing to you. And focus on the new relationship.
Set yourself free of the pain the x caused you, and try to enjoy the new things in your life.
((hugs))

My ex is definitely, without a doubt doing better than me. Toys, quats, and talking about jet skis.

Is it "normal" to feel anger. Normal, perhaps, but after two years it's time to put it down. I'm reminded of a story a former member used to tell.



A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her.

The senior monk carried this woman on his shoulder, forded the river and let her down on the other bank. The junior monk was very upset, but said nothing.

They both were walking and senior monk noticed that his junior was suddenly silent and enquired Is something the matter, you seem very upset?

The junior monk replied, As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?

The senior monk replied, I left the woman a long time ago at the bank, however, you seem to be carrying her still.



I know how hard it is to let go. Memories haunt us. Sometimes when there's nothing else left to hold onto, we hold onto the feeling that we were right. The trouble with that, is that it holds us in the past.

Healing Hugs, Patti

thanks to you all. yes i am like a wounded soldier. wounded so badly and the scars to prove it internally. there was never a warning that it was coming. he just left me; unprepared and afraid and everythng in my life changed because of it and it has been so hard. i see him on that plane the day he left. didnt he even say once "what am i doing?" horrible just horrible.

When you are at a good place, and truly grateful for how your life is, you will be able to find closure and a way to forgive.

What mrschief said in her first line...

For me I cannot forgive him for destroying two families. I just can't. Maybe in time, forgiveness will creep in for me. What I do is not allow him to bother me, I don't show emotion in front of him, and I act like he is dead to me. It works for me, I can't say it will for everyone.

i have not been able to forgive him yet. I know he doesnt even care if i do or not. He planned this all behind my back. I have hard time trustin again and religion is confusing being that he was a pastor who spoke so much against adultery and fornication and look what he did right from the pulpit. its killing me

You may think that he never thought about it and never looked back, but I'm sure he probably did. I don't think there's anyone that just marches through life without any regrets. But he has moved on with his life; you're doing yourself a disservice if you don't. You need to find a way to let it go or it will destroy your next marriage. Don't marry until you can find peace within yourself. Maybe a therapist would be able to help you address the issues you have. Just a thought.