Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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pam96 03/29/2008

Please HELP!!! I have been separated for 7 months now but had held onto the hope that we would reconcile....until I found a woman's bath & night products in his bathroom about a month ago. Burst my bubble & I was devastated...still am. Now, I am dealing with such intense emotions of hurt, betrayal, rejection , extreme hate & extreme anger & when I say intense I mean to the extent of going postal...I never would hurt anyone but that's how strong these emotions are. I cant look at him now without wanting to rip his eyeballs out of thier sockets & speaking to him is so hard because anything nasty & mean that pops into my head just comes right out. I have no control over myself in the anger that I feel with him. He, on the other hand, is playing "Mr. Goody & I'll alway's love you but I cant be with you"...That drives me completely over the edge!!
He is the one who left! He is the one that has begun sleeping with someone that he supposedly met only 7 days after last holding me & telling me that he loves me! He was with me on Christmas Day & says he met her on New Year's Eve....not sure if I believe that or not.
He has said that our marriage had been "dead" for a long time & that he cant even remember good times so now I feel like our whole 10 years has been a complete lie. This only adds to my misery & intense emotions because now my memories of our marriage & the past 10 years of my life are tainted. I cant even look back fondly on memories because I dont know if he was sincere with me or lying all along....ARGGGGGG!!!!! I feel like I'm going insane & I dont know how to stop this!! Please, somebody help me?????!!!! How do I get past all this & move on with my life?

deleted_user 03/29/2008

Its all part of the process and it's normal. Maybe you can try to funnel that anger into something else, something positive!

Have you joined any divorce support groups?

deleted_user 03/29/2008

I agree, to use the anger in another form, go for a jog or run, it releases some of it.

Anger is not a bad thing either, you just need to not let it control your life, release it enough so you dont go psyco over it.

As for the last 10 years he cant remember the good times, mine said the same thing, so I spent hours one night going threw old photos and I made a collection of all the good times that she didnt remember ever having, she broke down in tears. She finally admited that she only said it because it made it easier to move on with her decision to be with another man.

So dont think your memories where not good, he is just using it as an excuse to make himself feel better. Always remember it is easier to remember the hurt, than the good of the past.

Stay strong and focus on yourself, he is moving on and you should aswell. This will help you more than you will ever know.

Good luck to you.

deleted_user 03/29/2008

pam,day by day, you learn to deal with all the pain and hurt, take each day one at a time. Dont look at the whole big picture, just try day by dau. I believe that anger is a healing tool, that means you are accepting some things and learning to let go a little. You are allowed to be angry. Then some day that will leave too. I know that this is tuff, baby steps, day by day, keep coming in here, sooner or layer some one will say something that rings a bell or turns a light on.

deleted_user 03/30/2008

Isn't ironic how all men think telling you they will always love you, will ease your pain. All I can say is, "What goes around will eventually come around". He will get his in the end! Get your self back out there and put him behind you.

deleted_user 03/30/2008

*HUG* ugh, I know the feeling...I was so angry when I found a picture of "Miss Wonderful" in his sock drawer when we were "trying to work things out"....I too, wanted to rip his eyeballs out. Take a deep breath, what you are feeling is perfectly normal (just don't ACT on those feelings)---realize that you deserve better, so much better. Kickboxing helped me release a lot of that anger, that and lots of talking with friends on DS. You WILL make it thru this....just an uphill battle until you can cut through the emotions and start focusing on YOU.

deleted_user 04/27/2009

mine LEFT me on xmas eve

and when i found my anger i held tight to it to keep me alive *literally*

pam96 04/27/2009

Wow!! This is going back a while.. I'm now 19 months post separation & have gotten past most of that anger.. thank God! It was powerful to read my own post from a little over a year ago & remember those desperate feekings.. it was so bad then. It was good to read this just to guage how far I've come. There are times I would still like to rip his eyeballs out but those moments are few & far between now.
To all the newer members just starting this process.. please know that things do get better. You will survive & find yourself. The pain doesn't last forever.. (((HUGS))) to all.

To Portgirl... Believe in yourself & not take him back... especially if he is still blaming you.. it will only happen again. Let him pay the money you have coming to you (mine pays a small fortune too...lol) & you walk away with your head held high. You deserve so much better...

To msde... I believe the term used frequently on DS to refer to people like our ex's is "fucktard"... Christmas Eve just makes him a Fucktard to the 20th power.. (((HUG)))

deleted_user 04/28/2009

I can't add advice--my hurt is still too new, but you guys are giving me courage in telling your stories. I get sucked into believing his "I still care for you, but I just don't love you anymore." I think the two can't co-exist. I think my anger is disguised as sadness, becuause I cry when I'm angry, too. I'm scared of the unknown, and I cry when I'm afraid. I cry when I'm rejected. I'm just a crying fool, but your passages through these difficult times are giving me strength to go on. Thank you.

dairytech 04/29/2009

Hi...Im new here and sorta new to this. This is my second divorce with the same man. I also got the...Im sorry...I love you...take me back...lets plan our future....It just dosnt work. Everything that was wrong the first time is amplified the second time. So now Im 53 and doing it all over again. I lost the life I had started to build and am 3 1 1/2 years older. Take my advice...walk away and count your blessings. You dont want to wake up 10 years later and realize the time you've waisted. Your time equals your life!

Just 3 weeks ago I was in shock and denial, 2 weeks ago I was hurt and desperately trying to fix it. This week Ive accepted it. I hope by the end of next week I will find resolve. During the first time we divorced I took a Divorce Care workshop...it was the best thing I could have done for myself. It cost 25$ and it was once a week for 8 weeks. Im planning on taking it again as soon as I get moved. It gives you the tools to deal with each step of the process. Its an investment in you and your emotional survival. And your with other people going through the same thing. They may be at different places in recovery...but thats what is so cool about it. Success is sitting right in front of you. Just google it.

deleted_user 04/29/2009

Thank you all for sharing on here. And Pam it does give me hope that you are in a better place now. Right it does feel like everything is just a daze and the pain is so forefront.

He came back. Moved me 3000 miles away from my support of family and friends. And has dumped me now not even a month a half later. He lied about being different. All his lies came out. And he couldn't deal so he walks away again. They are such cowards!

Now I am heading home again. I realize this time around I have got to never let him come back which I highly doubt he would again. And I have got to get myself in support groups.

Again just you guys sharing has given me hope. Thank You!

dairytech 04/30/2009

Hey Renee25...you have support here...dont stop talking. Your doing the right thing by going home to be with your family and friends. Thats where the love is. Be strong and put one foot in front of the other and you will find yourself and the new life you sooo deserve.

deleted_user 04/30/2009

your ass hole sounds like mine and i am in it for 30 years they cant live with us but love us that is such buu crap .your anger is good just control it .it will hurt you more then him .These kind of men suck
lets blame there mothers LOLOL
Mine also said he cant remember a good time
well who the hells fault is that just ours where is there blame
Just hang tight and hope his girl friend has cuddies LOLOL

pam96 04/30/2009

Ha ha.. I'm good with blaming their mothers.. at least partially in my case.. unstable, alcoholic & been married 3 times.. it's what he's seen his entire life. When something isn't working, don't fix it just run to the next.

To all you guys who are in the moment of pain.. my heart breaks for you. It is so hard & such a dark place to be in but it honestly does get better. Just believe in yourself & believe in the future. You will get there. (((HUGS)))

mariposi 05/26/2009

I very much enjoyed reading this post and thread. In and out of a relationship, I'm struggling with letting go, I'm in a cycle, but I'm making slow progress. This helped me feel less alone.

deleted_user 05/26/2009

After over 8 years all I got was a, "I don't want you to think I hate you". Then he left and moved to his parents house. That was 4 weeks ago. We have never spoken about the real reasons behind the break-up. I have asked him to talk about it so that I can have some closure. He tells me he will after I have moved out of the house. We are common-law and he left me in his house to go to his parents and now he is kicking me out on June 30th.

I have never been this heartbroken in my life. This was a man who showed a not very nice side of himself once 4 years ago. I did not know he could be this heartless. He has not once spoken about feelings ....nothing of that nature at all. Just straight business of getting me out of his house and him wanting to pay as little as possible to do it.

I heart so bad I can't stand it!!!!!!!

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