It's wise to be on your guard. Typically, people break up for a reason, and unless those issues are truly resolved, they will continue to pop up.

As I have written before, if someone truly cares, they will not hide you from anyone, not even their folks and rightfully so. A relationship should be about kindness, love and support for each other and no matter what anyone else says, what is known between the two people is what should be. If he continues to hide his feelings for you from others, including his family, what will happen in the future when things may not be rosey between yous? If I remember correctly, he was the one who told his parents you physically abused him... no? How is that Ok? How are you Ok with that? With everything else like the drinking? Lying? him leaving you to take care of everything, hurting, struggling and everything else, while he goes off to live off his folks. do you think you can let your guard down again? Can you trust him to be on the up and up and not lie about you, the relationship or hurt / support you again? is that what you want from a partner in this life?

I dunno... to be in a relationship both have to be trusting , honest and care enough to be open and vulnerable. To take care of each other, not just one doing all the work whether that is financially or emotionally. its a 50/50 partnership and both have to be in wholly, not just when it can be suited to fit for them.

I hope you can find the answer within so to be able to be in a relationship that works for you.

Haven't even finished Chi's response, but I will take his first step one step further....if someone truly cares and knows how to in a loving, peaceful way, they will not hide it from YOU, or their folks or friends or themselves.

Just something I had to say...

finished reading the "Chi"..

"and yes... to be in a relationship both have to be trusting , honest and care enough to be open and vulnerable/, this sums it up perfectly..."

Thank you.

" I want to take everything he's saying as truth, but the way he left me so recently, I'm having a hard time trusting this is what he really wants."

This is what struck me the most about your post. How YOU feel about the situation is what matters. If you believe there is hope and that he can be trust worthy, follow that. However, if there is no trust and you are unable to rebuild the trust and during this time, if he is unable to help you rebuild your trust for him...you may want to take a hard look at what you really want because a relationship without trust is doomed to fail and usually in a very miserable way. If he is more worried about what his parents think than what you think...that is also something to ponder.

Obviously there is still love there or you wouldn't be considering this. Is love without trust really love? Marrying him will not help you with your trust. Do you really want to be tied to someone you don't trust? When you do have some time alone, it may be a good idea to spend some time thinking about what you really want in a relationship and how you want to be treated. Once you have a solid foundation in your mind about that, see if he is really the person for that job.

I know how it is to feel crazy. Take some time and really consider what has happened and where you want to go.

Good luck...

It's more than just "hiding" you from his parents. He's lying to them about you....and that's a huge red flag for how he'll handle other stressful issues in the future.

He split with you in a bad way, I assume, suddenly and out of the blue. After a few days he changed his mind. Now, you live hours apart. He's hiding you from his parents and you may get to see him one week out of the month while you are trying to work on your "issues".

I wouldn't have trouble trusting it's what he wants...right now. I'd have trouble trusting he's going to stick it out. A LOT of trouble. At what point does he plan to let his parents in on this? What will be their reaction when they find out he's been lying to them? And they will find out. I dont know how old the two of you are or anything about you, but he seems very very immature. I don't think he is ready for a serious relationship.

Hmmmmm, I smell a rat. My advice, run. This is not a "til death do you part, I love you with all my heart" type of relationship for him. :( I'm sorry. That's just my opinion, I'm agreeing with everyone else here.

He also stuck you with the bills as I remember and wouldn't pay them in addition to telling such horrible stories to his parents. He acts like a juvenille and now you're mentioning marriage??

Exactly what has he done to change all that he did? Did he undergo intensive counseling and stay in intensive counseling and you not agree to go back, until he has worked out why he lied to his parents and hurt you so back and even wouldn't pay his own bills and dump them on you to pay?

--So he says he is sorry and is way far away and that is what makes it all better for you?

--What guys did you pass up for him--like nobody?

--Are you so desparate to be with someone--in fact anyone--that you would allow someone to treat you this way?

--It isn't proper him spending a holiday with you and then him going to his parents alone for a holiday. He should "suit up" and tell his parents the truth about his lies and that he is in intensive counseling and that you are coming there for the holiday with him.

--DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM UNTIL HE IS IN COUNSELING. This guy is on a fast track to ruin your life.

You get into counseling to figure out why you would allow someone to treat you like like this and then accept him back with no stipulations and even consider marriage. Please do it otherwise you will back on her about abuse and divorce and that's even harder. I wish you the best and many hugs.

#9 - you are right on and offered info that maybe the rest didn't know - he left her stuck with bills before? Hmmm....Also, how old is he? Why is he so concerned with pleasing his parents? That in itself would be a huge red flag/turn off for me.

Also, counseling? - that is for people who have some issues to work out regarding perhaps their past - depression or whatever - counseling isn't for someone who isn't showing signs of true love or respect for you. Counseling doesn't fix everything folks. I am concern that the one who needs counseling for the codependency sings you are showing is YOU. Him showing that he's not all that into you as you would like - isn't something that counseling would fix. All that wishy washy - dump you today, talk trash about you, want you the next minute - is a bunch of bolony. Don't allow ppl to toy with you like that.

When we aren't married is the time to skip over people who aren't providing us a stable, serene relationship - we aren't supposed to be seeking counseling w/ppl we are just dating, seeing or just bf/gf type of deal - trying to fix people is draining. If is not a good fit for you while dating - what would even make you want marriage?

I think you should be more worried about trusting whether or not this is becoming habitual for him.

Sure, maybe he "wants" this pseudo-relationship where youre several hours apart and not really together, and have no way of feasibly changing that any time soon, but supposedly continue being "engaged". Right now, anyway.

Sounds like he doesnt want the relationship, but doesnt want to completely let it go in case he changes his mind xx days/weeks/months down the road (hence the "but but we can still be engaged!!-"). Welcome to the back burner, land of those who love selfish ones.
If he wanted the relationship, you two would be together and he wouldnt have gone through this spell to begin with.
Sorry girlfriend.

Thanks for all the feedback. He burned through his moments of being lovey-dovey in all of a week of getting back together. It was only a week after we split when he wanted to come back, so I guess I was expecting him to be feeling the same way I did. And for a week, he did. I'm 30. I've been through this garbage before. I can get through it again. Ugh, I don't need this. Why are there such jerks in the world, and why did I believe in all the lies he fed me... Oh well!