Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Has anyone ever really been separated for a few months and then you decide to try and get back together? if so, how successful was it? We have two kids....9 year old boy and 11 year old girl. I miss being with them regularly, I miss the family life, and I just feel so lonely at times when I am staying at my so called place. Not sure if the wife wants to get back or even try to go talk to someone. Just confused at times as to what is really best. I see other couples and I think they they cannot be that much better off then she and I was. I am sure in time that sex becomes less and less and it becomes more about the friendship I guess. I dont know! Just rambling and confused.
But let me say that my wife and I have been separated for 2 and a half years. The first 9 months was excruciatingly painful. But we made our children the focus of our interactions, and now we can actually all spend "family time" together. She and I haven't really truly dealt with all the fundamental underlying issues - instead, we've just put a pin in them, as if to say "The major issues aren't going anywhere for awhile. So how about we just have some fun for a change?"
To that end, instead of asking your wife to dinner and a movie, perhaps you should instead do something family oriented with your wife and two children? Your kids may express some confusion about it - and that's okay. Just tell them, "Hey, even though your mother and I are living apart doesn't mean that we aren't a family. We all still love each other, and we can all still do things together."
Having the kids along will reduce the tension that might otherwise be overwhelming if you and your wife are alone on "a date."
If she is open to it, and depending on the extent of the problems, you might try counseling. And by counseling, I mean a non-biased counselor, not someone with an agenda to either save every marriage or who thinks everyone should divorce.
My 2 cents would be to look at some of the fundamental laws of attraction. It is super easy for couples to get into that roomie/friend mentality because that is what youve become. From my perspective it seems that attraction just faded. Its easy to be complacent in the security of love and relationships but its important to remember the person that they fell in love with and get back to that guy once in a while. Its important to grow with our partners or we grow apart.
I would def try to set a date with her. Have fun, hook up, dont add drama even if there is an elephant in the room. Simply just go out and have fun with someone you used to have fun with. Dont pressure relationship outcomes and just enjoy each other like you used to. Another tip would be make a few suttle changes. Rather that be a haircut, workout more, few new clothes. She is sick of the you that is next to her in bed every night for x amt of years and needs that spark.
Best of luck and happy healing friend