Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

deefp 04/13/2015

I'm in a blended family, I have 3 children and my husband has one. His daughter was 12 when we married and lives with us. Her mom past on when she was very young. My husband has not worked in 8 years, YES 8 years. He suffers from mental illness but does nothing to help himself. Because of his daughter I have stayed longer then i should. I'm having a very difficult time telling my step-daughter that i will no longer be paying for their iphones and car insurance. It's really breaking my heart but I have 3 kids and I also have a grandchild. My step daughter is 23 years old, graduating from college this May and yes she should be on her own but is enrolling in a masters program where she cannot work. None of that is my problem but can you recommend some nice words for me to say. Basically I need to worry about myself and my kids. I don't have extra money to support a 23 year old. I'm hoping to keep our relationship, she is very close with me and my kids. Don't know if that's possible.

sidi 04/13/2015

Hi, so I suggest you have a mother - daughter conversation with her.
You want her to be able to trust herself just like you would want that for a one of your biological daughters. And right now things are tight and she could put off second degree plans, she is still young. She can work for a while save money and then go back to school or find a program that can allow her to combine between work and study. If you talk to her as her mommy she will be able to connect with you on an emotional level and maybe feel less abandoned and helpless.

lookingforclosure 04/13/2015

Have you told your stepdaughter about the divorce? I would think that a 23 year old would understand that you being on your own taking care of three kids is a bit more stressful than being in school and having to take care of yourself (which is pretty normal). I know that you want to treat her as your daughter, and as such, your adult daughter is going to have to learn that life changing events such as divorce are going to cause luxury items such as iphones to drop down in priority. The car insurance - hate to say it, but does she really need to drive that much if she isn't working? Depends on her school, but in the end, she's your stepdaughter - which to me says it isn't your responsibility to pay for these things, and it isn't your responsibility to tell her these things. I'm thinking talk to her dad, let him know you can't afford it anymore, and then talk to your stepdaughter, and just stick to the topic of divorce. Because of the divorce, you can't afford X, Y, and Z (not just what pertains to her, but all of your kids will be losing something, I'm sure). Don't promise her anything, but let her know you will support her as much as you can, but financially, right now, you're trying to get your life and the life of your non-adult children in order.

deefp 04/13/2015

thanks for your advice, I have spoken to her about my plans in the past and the divorce. Unfortunately when I did she cries and runs away. Not very mature for her age, just the way she is.

deefp 04/13/2015

thank you so much for or you advice as well, that's exactly what I am going to do. She does know about the divorce and didn't take it well. I had to be the one to tell her and I wasn't happy about that. I will leave this talk for her and her dad and after their talk I'll explain that I need to cut expenses. Yes all my kids will be losing something.

refurb 04/13/2015

I do and don't understand
a 23 year old has got to help herself
you want to keep the relationship, yet you draw the line and put her on the other side

post #1 notes to talk to her as her mommy, either mommy is all in as mommy or she is not

Join the Conversation