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General question about narcissist ex wife

kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77

So my story was on here a few years ago, quick background married 24 years, marriage was in some financial dire straits, wife chose to have an affair and leave me and our 17 year old daughter..this was 3 years ago and I'm pretty much over it...however..

What still bothers me is her leaving without even requesting any of the pictures, photo albums, almost 20 years of 8mm camcorder tapes of all our kids events, i.e. Sports, kindergarten graduations, holidays, trips...etc. I'm thankful I have them I suppose mainly if the kids want them (I think my daughter will), but it just seems bizarre she left with very little and never even asked about them, like she just wanted to forget it ever happened? We've been no contact for over 2 years as the kids are grown (highly recommend if you can do it) but I still think about how can someone just literally walk away after almost 25 years and not want to even discuss pictures or videos? She took like 3-4 pics that were framed in the hallway of the kids when they were very young but that's it. Just strange..

Ghostdancer
Ghostdancer
Believe me it's the way things go sometimes and maybe just her need for a hard fast break. I seriously doubt she will put in a request after this point but she might. For you these items are a history but don't let them keep your head into the wind and it will wear you out. Don't worry about it you've got this handled as best you can.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Oh I don't think she'll ask for them now and I told my daughter she can have it all and I think she wants them. It's just bizarre how they can just walk like that and just want to erase the whole 24 years like they never happened. Oh well she's off in her new life with her affair partner so I guess eventually he'll get the same treatment lol..
jimthzz
jimthzz
When a person ghosts like that--cheating--they do not want to be reminded about the past. Very disturbing that she wants nothing to do with her kids. That kind of rejection will hurt them.

It may hurt your ex too, but so what.

I had a whole lot of photos from my former marriage too--still have some. However, I gave both of our grown kids several opportunities to take what you want to and I'll toss the rest.

Going through the photos is painful to me, but I didn't show the kids recently.

Not once has the ex approached me about the pictures. I never speak to her or respond to any social media postings she does.

Shoot, I've remarried and the divorce was finalized in 2013. If I let myself wallow, it still hurts.
amazinggrace15
amazinggrace15
I recently saw my X at my granddaughters school and asked him if he wanted pics of him with the kids and grandkids. He said yes.

He is involved in their lives probably more than when we were married.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Chelsea same thing.:did the sports and scouts and daughter did gymnastics and dance and dance competition for years..never a dull moment..then daughter was a junior in high school and she just bailed out on the whole thing..onto the new guy. I never thought that would ever happen
ripped_my_heartout
ripped_my_heartout
If anything like my stbx she only thinks of herself. She says she's there for the kids yet she is never around. Just around long enough for a photo op to post on social media to prove she's a mom. Narcissists are very selfish people. They put their own wants and needs ahead of others including family. I'll never understand them.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Yeah Ripped..good old Facebook..almost a year after she left I threw my daughter an 18th birthday party at the house. I was still kind of talking to my ex in laws and sent my ex MIL pictures of the festivities ...of course my ex commandeered those and posted them all over her Facebook wall like SHE THREW THE PARTY. No mention she wasn't even there. I was floored.
sjs777
sjs777
could also be a midlife crisis where there's no logic or reasoning or simply a walk away or wayward wife who isn't looking back. good to see you're back on your feet. it certainly seems you've done your part and hopefully in time she does hers - but thats on her. no amount of logic may give you a sense of how or why
Tranquility
Tranquility
Sometimes there are things that we can't really answer or understand. In the case of your ex and why she didn't take the items that showed the children is sad. She may realize some day what she has lost out on with the children, but it may be too late then. Narcissistic people have their way of thinking that is all about them, they don't care who they hurt, you or the children. My one ex is the same way. It is sad to see they don't care like most people would, but as long as you are there for the children, that is what matters. She will have to answer for her behaviors at some time. Best of luck to you and your family. Things will get better for you, just keep your head up.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Thanks for the responses appreciate it
Danceintherain
Danceintherain
Wow, we have very similar situations. My husband left after 24 years too. Doesn't want anything, just left. Emotional affair that went physical with our closest friend's wife. Barely sees the kids. Never has them over night or taken them on vacations. Misses sporting events or if attends leaves as soon as the game is over and doesn't stay to speak to his children. I have a hard time understanding how he can just walk away and literally treat us like we don't exist. Everything is about her. He recently filed so I know I have a long road but any advice is appreciated. Hugs.
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Danceintherain..yes very similar. My ex wife actually had the affair and left to live with our daughters boyfriends father..someone who we had over to the house and my brothers house for 4th of July etc...crazyville. All we can do is move forward, gain clarity and eventually be thankful those kind of toxic people are out of our lives
Spr167
Spr167
First, you said "daughter" where does "kids" come from? Do you have "1" child?
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
She had a 2 year old son when we met. He's almost 30 now, I've raised him as my own. He basically thinks she's nuts also, unfortunately. We still get along great, he spends the holidays with me.
themiddle
themiddle
We are twins although I am very new in my journey. A couple months ago my husband of almost 26 years told me he had been having an affair and the girl was pregnant. The baby has been born and he left and is currently living with the OW and baby. He left our 17 year old twins and me behind in the house we built together. We also have a 22 year old son who has graduated from college and is living on his own. He took maybe 15 percent of his stuff with him and hasn't looked back. He left everything here...clothes, pictures, important documents. I am still in shock. I pray that I will be you someday describing my wonderful life and how Karma has affected him!