I would hate to assume anything as I don't know anything about the circumstances but it does sound like there might be some ulterior motives there!

I think she was thinking of you. she was thinking that taking care of your mom has to be a great strain on you. You already have young kids and although I'm sure you love your mom you also need to take care of yourself so you will be able to be around to take care of your kids.

Thanks. I was thinking in the direction that she was thinking of herself! She is never around to take care of mom and by putting mom in a home, she doesnt have to worry any more about feeling guilty for not taking care of mom. She doesnt like me very much and thinks very little of me. I guess you would all have to know her to be able to answer this question. Thanks for your input.

Not sure about her motives on that one.. but is sure is nice of her to tell you to put her in a nursing home.

My thinking here is that she is probably worried about you and is thinking that having mom to take care of is a strain on you. I don't know what the situation is exactly but for me that is the most likely explanation.

How does your mom feel about you & the kids moving out. It may be a mistake. She may not tell you that but her world may revolve around you & her grandchildren. These are her golden years. Allow your kids to enjoy their grandma while she is still alive.
Is she independent that she can do the basic things, like personal hygeine care for herself. or does she need more care that will be a strain upon you. Do what you feel is in your heart. Talk to your mom. She may throw it back to you. Think about it... she goes in a nursing home... the cost wil be expensive. Think about her well being. Her mental stability may go down hill. And then, you say why did your sister say this... maybe she is jealous of the bond that you have with your mom. Good luck & take care!

What does Mom say about old folks home?

Sister may be thinking of her inheritance if Mom passes? or genuine concern for you and Mom.

What are you doing for your future?

My Mom passed in 1992. Dad passed in 1994. When Dad passed away I had 3 of my brothers still living with Dad. They were all in there 30's and pot smoking alcoholics. Dad left his house to all 8 of us. My one other brother and 3 sisters decided that 3 druggy brothers would ruin the property with Dad gone. We sold it and gave them there share. They all 3 thought they would live there for free forever. They promptly went out and wasted thier small inheritance and get by somehow by sweeping out bars and trying to get on welfare programs.

Another story. My ex had a herion addict sister still living at home. Ex was worried that she though her sister would claim nice house once parents passed away. I dont know how that drama is unfolding anymore.

I dont know if you catch any of what I am saying. Just shedding light on the fact that people in families think about things like that.

My biggest fear...my boys from first marraige are doing very well. They are intellegent and lack for nothing. (I raised them as single dad by the way).

My fear is that I will die, my property will be paid for or covered easily by life insurance, and they will let thier needy mom and her drug addict husband live here for free after all my hard work.

Life is complicated.

Mom does not want us to move out. She loves the company and HATES being alone.

She cares for herself, still drives, plays cards with friends weekly, cooks...so, she is pretty active.

As far as her inheritance...mom and I discussed that I would get the house, and the other kids would get the money she has saved. So, it would be an equal turn out. My sister doesnt NEED the money, she is pretty well off.

I take care of all of us. Not so much financially, but otherwise. I NEVER leave my children with my mom unless I am working. So, I do not "count" on her to babysit when I go out to...do whatever!

I do appreciate all of your replies. My mom and I have decided not to let it bother us. It really is none of my sisters business. No one is being harmed in any way. I do not count on my mom for money, I pay my own bills and even buy most of the food in the house.

So, thanks all. Have a wonderful night, and if anyone has anything else to say, feel free. I love the advice! Well, I just love communicating with all of you:)

Reading this brought something to mind that I thought I would just throw out for your consideration. Hopefully, you and your mother each already have a trust or at least a will. Not sure of laws in your state, but chances are, if she doesn't have this in writing, state (probate) will decide who gets what. Doesn't matter what your mom wants if she hasn't made it legal.

I'm not a lawyer (but I did stay in a holiday inn express once ;), but I have a trust. I don't have a lot of money or even a house, but a trust saves probate fees and makes it so if something happens to me, my assigned trustee(s) don't have to do much to take over my affairs - just letters from 2 drs to the court. If I die, everything in the trust is automatically transferred to the trustees - no waiting, & minimal lawyer's fees.

And you need one to designate who you want to care for your kids and handle any assets you leave - otherwise the courts decide that too.

Sound to me like you love your mother very much and she like have you and her grand kids with her. You sister is jealous and just wants to rain on what you all have together. If you mom ever gets to the point that she needs so much help its beyond you, then you can look at what her needs are, until that happens just tell your green eyed sybling where to go and how to get there.

family is weird.

Perhaps they want to dispose of Mom's house...and pay for her to be in a rest home with the funds...and it would settle things up nicely after your mother is deceased...the estate...

sounds like you are in the way of them selling the house and they..or she feels you are free-loading off mom.

sorry...about my bluntness...I have been there...and you know what?.. my experience is that the seniors need the spirited young children around them...and the comfort of home and staying put until some time where they are no longer to take care of themselves or think clearly.

Do you have any other siblings?...

maybe she feels guilty that she is not willing to do more and resent you for doing all you can.???? Just a thought off the top of my head

Quite frankly, I think your sister needs to mind her own business. It was out of line and rude of her to say what she did. Its not like she stepped up to the plate to help your mom out, now did she? You and your mom have a mutually beneficial living arrangement and are happy with it. I just love when family members offer opinions when not asked for them, yaknow?

you got that right Bluebird..and others.

one more thing... perhaps she feels she wants some benefit from the estate before she dies at age 51 prematurely....perhaps she feels you are going to be the sole heir and mom's favourite.

she needs to bugger off.. not her place to question the arrangement.

I think if your mom and you and the kids are happy in the situation, than continue it. I would give anything to have my mom back and living with me. She passed june of this year. I miss her.