Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It seems like only a few years ago all my friends were happily getting married. I was so happy for them and even a little jealous. Now it seems as though EVERYONE is going through a divorce. It's very unfortunate. I even had to get rid of a few of them because their unhappiness was infringing upon my personal life. Would you consider this good advice as a friend of a friend who is going through a divorce? :
1. Give them space when they need it. Don't ask them questions about the topic unless they bring it up
2. Don't get sucked into their drama or take sides (his over hers or hers over his)
3. Send words of encouragement
4. Spend time with them whenever possible
5. Set boundaries. Just because they are going through a divorce does not entitle them to ruin your life. Brace yourself: you might lose a friend
The rest is great, and I am sure you are a good friend to these divorcees. Try and be gentle, but if the drama becomes too much, don't afraid to be firm. And while I agree with not taking sides, it's almost impossible not to, particularly if one side was clearly at fault. But great list nonetheless.
However, I honestly couldn't go through it again.
My grieving is almost done, and I'm putting my life back together.
I'd suggest support groups and be supportive by offering food (like a wake) if someone is depressed, an invite to lunch or the gym, anything positive.
What I will not do is get sucked into negativity and drama.
The divorce/separation specifics are for your lawyer/therapist.
I barely survived. I just had to cut off a neighbor who blew into town expecting me and anyone who would listen to be sounding boards for her endless bitching about her stbx.
Yawn. Can't do it anymore. Can't handle the negativity.
but after having seen the level of suffering i have encountered in my divorce, i must say, i became disappointed in my group of friends. I basically got one conversation out of them at the start, and that was it. i try to reach out to them by email and in other ways, and i only get short simple responses.
in my case, i cannot afford counselling, and so i have been left alone to deal with things myself. my parents have passed away, one sister does not want to get into the details, another sister actually chose the side of my ex and stopped supporting me.
when i was in your shoes and still in the "married bubble", i knew a few people who got divorced and recognized their situations, but never understood the pain they suffered.
and a point of discussion...much of the literature points to the fact that these days, it's the ladies who initiate the large percentage of divorces. there is very little support for men in these situations, they are supposed to suck it up and grin and bear it. the courts are against them, etc...as such, those who destroy their marriages have planned for it psychologically and are ready for it. those who get left behind fall off a cliff. there are thousands of stories out there and i can point you to them.
i was a good guy who married someone who had 3 psychiatric diagnoses from professionals, and supported and encouraged her all my life. she has now destroyed me and the relationship with my kids. i am left with no life to live, isolated, broke, and alone most likely for the rest of my life.
the next time i encounter someone who just got divorced, i would support them 100% in any way i possibly could. i have suffered every day every minute for 2 years now, and there is no end to the pain.
do whatever is possible to support and encourage these people. the life they are facing now is most likely horrible.
Thanks for the insight!