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Found out my husband is cheating. Planning Stage.

NowNumb
NowNumb



So two months ago I got a facebook message that my husband is cheating on me. The lady provided me the text messages to prove it and she didn't know he was married. We are currently in different states while we sell the house. He doesn't know I know about his cheating. He is guilt tripping me about how I seem distant. We have children together and he is in the house I need to sell. It is in my name only though. It is killing me being nice to him. I want to cry and scream I'm so mad. He treated me like crap before this and I believe he is sleeping with multiple people. The lawyers I spoke with said I need to get the house sold. The children were with him finishing up the school year and I now have them with me as the lawyer instructed me. I just moved to a new state and do not have any friends locally. I vent to my family a lot and they are great, but I feel like I'm so negative now. I couldn't imagine hearing about my problems all the time. I am just trying to figure out the best way to tell him. He is a narcissist. Extremely manipulative, cruel and doesn’t feel guilt. I know when I tell him he is going to make my life hell. I am scared he will destroy my house he is living in. I have never cheated on him and while I'm not perfect I am a good wife with morals. Sorry, I just needed to vent to someone that's not related to me.

Dandelion
Dandelion
Hi, sorry for your situation, I know how it sucks believe me, but I just wanted to point out that you say the house is in your name and I'm not sure if that matters depending on how long you were you married and what state you're in.

You mention you have an attorney, so I'm sure s/he's advised you.

My ex husband made that mistake and thought the house belonged to him only after 23 years.

Boy was he wrong.
Aronia
Aronia
The best advice I ever received from my therapist was : " become good at his game. Then be a better narcisssit than he is if you want to win"
It is a huge amount of work, but I successfully got away.
I wish you well and I am so sorry
NowNumb
NowNumb
Yes, even though the house is in my name she said it could be considered marital property since his funds helped maintain it. I am trying to wait until the house sells then tell him I know about the cheating and that I want a divorce. It is so hard to be nice and play like you love someone when you hate them and know they lie to you every day. Thanks guys.
lilstarsmum
lilstarsmum
I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, girl. My heart ached as I read your post, and I wish I could give you a hug. This is a hard thing to go through. I know how difficult and devastating it must be for you. I just said a prayer for you, and I hope that God will provide the comfort, wisdom, and help you need at this time. I know your situation isn’t easy right now, but I urge you to stay strong. Hugs!
sjs777
sjs777
it certainly is tough, but you're not alone. for me i spent a lot of time learning all i could to make me strong, much of which I've posted in my journals. you are stronger than you realize
Misred
Misred
Wow, you are very smart to get a lawyer and play your cards close to your chest. You are doing everything smart and legal. Did the lawyer say to put the funds from the sale in a separate account? That might help in the end.

What I went through with my cheating EX is a period of time where I was always the bad guy. He found any slight reason to storm off into the night...most likely to contact his "girl friends" who, he said, were just friends because they were not having sex...and tell them how horrible I was to him. Cheaters do this type of stuff to justify their behavior...."you did X so I did Y...it's your fault....You made me do it!" Don't buy into it.

As far as venting....you are welcome to do it here. That's what I did. With DS you can write journals and either open to your DS friends for comment or lock it down private. I used the private to put down the nasty stuff, just to get it out.
((HUGS)))
NowNumb
NowNumb
I am going to pay off all or debt from the renovation of the house with the proceeds and tell him I will split it 50/50 after that if I get custody of the kids and he doesn't fight me on it. He will make it my fault like he always does. I know this. I am prepared for (well I think I am). I have all the messages from the girl (the one I know of at least) saying that I am a drunk and I yell all the time. What's funny is the person he described me as is him perfectly. He also told her one of our kids died and we only have one besides that. He said the other kid is just a friend that lives down the street. There is no way a judge would give him custody, but I just want him out of my life. He really has nothing in his future and this will be a huge blow to him. I am scared how he will react once he realizes his secrets out and he lost everything.
Dandelion
Dandelion
It won't be pretty but you'll live

Mine did the same thing. Lied, made up stories, false allegations...

I never thought he'd stoop so low.
SuZQ
SuZQ
I am sorry you are going through this. Your hurt and anger are understandable. My heart breaks for you and your children. I get it and have been through something similar.

I wish someone would have forewarned me how painful the process was going to be and the length of time it would take me to heal and move on. Christian counseling, loving family and friends, prayer, and taking time to talk to people who would give me wise, practical, and faithful advice helped me from reacting impulsively and too quickly. Please consider some of these. The all helped!