Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Found out today the main thing my ex always accused me of or felt I wanted is what he did/is doing.
Backstory: prior to my ex I had a fling with a guy from high school. Nothing more, nothing less and we remained cool and just friends. When I started dating ex I cut fling out, but we still chatted every now and again but mainly through fb. I gave ex my old cell phone but didn't log out my fb account. So when he got phone turned on he had access to all my messages. He confronts me about messages. I say we are not in a committed relationship and why did you read my messages. Some were very old, before I knew ex and some were more current. My ex and I started dating at end of August 2011. I still chatted with high school friend off and on until October, maybe November. But by this time it was basic conversation. Ex came across messages January 2012. Again we had not made a commitment to each other. So far as I was concern we were free to do whatever. I don't know what he did or did not do and I didn't ask or care.
So to him I was wrong and from then on he didn't want me on fb, no contact with anyone from high school, no hanging out with my friends unless he could go, etc. And I pretty much allowed myself to be forced into a commitment at this time. So I followed the rules. He was happy, I was miserable. Eventually I would lurk on fb and some kind of way he always knew, but doesn't have a fb account. So he always accused me of wanting to reconnect with people from high school, my past, wanting other men, etc. All along I was doing nothing. Talked to no one, did nothing, changed my number, etc. All to make him feel better and prove I was doing nothing.
Well I found out today that his new girlfriend is someone he went to high school with and it's ok for her to be on fb and post pics of them, etc. So all this time he is the one who was doing the reconnecting, not me.
From February to April of this year I had no clue what was going on with our relationship cause he was distant. Thought maybe he needed space. It was April when I figured out the relationship was over. To this day not one word has been said to me, it's over, I've move on, I'm done. Nothing! So I kept hope that maybe we would work it out. July is when I found out about new girlfriend and have been distraught ever since. Today I find out its someone from high school. The main thing he always accused me of.
There is no contact and haven't been really since beginning of July, just a text here and there. Still no mention I've move on, got someone else, etc. and we are still on no contact.
Amazed at all the time I wasted with this foolishness and beating myself up about how I could have been better and thinking the problems was my fault. Too outdone! He is gonna get his!
Backstory: prior to my ex I had a fling with a guy from high school. Nothing more, nothing less and we remained cool and just friends. When I started dating ex I cut fling out, but we still chatted every now and again but mainly through fb. I gave ex my old cell phone but didn't log out my fb account. So when he got phone turned on he had access to all my messages. He confronts me about messages. I say we are not in a committed relationship and why did you read my messages. Some were very old, before I knew ex and some were more current. My ex and I started dating at end of August 2011. I still chatted with high school friend off and on until October, maybe November. But by this time it was basic conversation. Ex came across messages January 2012. Again we had not made a commitment to each other. So far as I was concern we were free to do whatever. I don't know what he did or did not do and I didn't ask or care.
So to him I was wrong and from then on he didn't want me on fb, no contact with anyone from high school, no hanging out with my friends unless he could go, etc. And I pretty much allowed myself to be forced into a commitment at this time. So I followed the rules. He was happy, I was miserable. Eventually I would lurk on fb and some kind of way he always knew, but doesn't have a fb account. So he always accused me of wanting to reconnect with people from high school, my past, wanting other men, etc. All along I was doing nothing. Talked to no one, did nothing, changed my number, etc. All to make him feel better and prove I was doing nothing.
Well I found out today that his new girlfriend is someone he went to high school with and it's ok for her to be on fb and post pics of them, etc. So all this time he is the one who was doing the reconnecting, not me.
From February to April of this year I had no clue what was going on with our relationship cause he was distant. Thought maybe he needed space. It was April when I figured out the relationship was over. To this day not one word has been said to me, it's over, I've move on, I'm done. Nothing! So I kept hope that maybe we would work it out. July is when I found out about new girlfriend and have been distraught ever since. Today I find out its someone from high school. The main thing he always accused me of.
There is no contact and haven't been really since beginning of July, just a text here and there. Still no mention I've move on, got someone else, etc. and we are still on no contact.
Amazed at all the time I wasted with this foolishness and beating myself up about how I could have been better and thinking the problems was my fault. Too outdone! He is gonna get his!
lamarwilson
Paranoid people are usually paranoid for a reason. Please don't ever allow another guy to prevent you from talking to your friends. Allowing someone to control you only gets worse as time goes on. Besides that life can throw you major curve balls, and you will need your friends to get you thru it. You'll look back on this experience as a blessing some day.
mstj326
Thanks LamarWilson. I know deep down it's a blessing he left me. It was just bold how he did it. I never stopped talking to my friends though. He didn't want me hanging out with them unless he could go. So I would drag him along. Lol. Stupid I know. But I will never make these kind of mistakes again. Counseling is helping to shed a light on a lot of things about myself. So my focus is on me now, what I want, what I need, what makes me happy and loving myself. Allowing a man to control my every move or doing whatever it is he wants and I be miserable is not on that list!
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