Forgive what they have done? That is God's job, not ours. Personally, I can only choose to forgive the person. I try to let go of what they have done's hold on me. Still a work in progress, though. I hope this makes sense. You are in my prayers.

You need to pray and ask to be forgiven for the wrong you may have done to others and ask for the courage to be able to forgive those that hurt you. Allow yourself to accept the situation, trust me this will be hard but slowly trusting that you deserve so much more and when the find the positives out of your negative experience slowly but shortly you will start to feel better and stronger.

Good Luck, Anna

In order to forgive, you have to accept what has already been done because there's no going back to fix it. As soon as you can accept and move forward that is when you can forgive.

from someone who has caused someone pain and hurt, if the other person shows true remorse, attempt to get closure and move on. if and only if the person shows absolute disregard than you know its best to move on. i hurt my ex and he feels the pain and the hurt, the only thing i can do is offer assistance in his pain and help if its ever needed. but in order to fully forgive you need to accept the past and learn that whats done is done, focus on the now and the future. if his or her words brings closure to the end of a chapter than do so if not move on with the process of letting go

Understand and accept and often you find forgiveness is a done deal.

I understood my stepfather when I understood chickens. In the chicken world there is no consensual sex and line breeding is just a pretty word for incest. Watching that rooster cluck about, feed them morsels, take care of them all day, then jump their bones for three seconds of bliss leaving them squawking, dishevelled, pissed off?

I understood the whole world then.

how much of our actions have anything whatsoever to do with our cerebral cortex? How much really are programmed into us way, way longer ago?

We are what we are, we do what we do. It's all done and over. So best to just tidy up the mess and let it have happened.

jmho. xx

I don't understand some of the responses above. Christians sometimes parrot such words without first considering if it even makes sense in the context of the conversation. I believe they're getting confused between God forgiving a stain on someone soul during judgement, with a real live human being who has harmed someone and wishing forgiveness for his/her transgression.

Humans are strange and awkward creatures. We zig when we should have zagged. We try to impress our will upon anothers when our goals would be better served by quietly listening. And we betray the ones we love with alarming regularity. We are imperfect beings in an imperfect world and make so many mistakes that we've come up with a social contrivance designed to make peace afterwards. It's called an apology.

In the real world, if someone has wronged you and asked you for forgiveness, it's gracious to grant it. Having said that, sometimes the trust violation is so profound that forgiveness does not come easily, or at all.

The fact is, there are some transgressions that leave such an indelible mark on us that forgiveness is given just for the sake of having closure. In those instances we forgive, so both parties can move forward with healing, not so you can continue to be married to or friends with the person who so profoundly violated our trust. In other words, we can forgive but that does not mean we ever want to continue to have that person in our lives.

In terms of cheating, the closer and more secure the bond was, the more profound the pain is when our loved one violates our trust. Most people think that the closer you are to the person emotionally, the better you chances of being forgiven are. I believe the opposite is true. Once you let another person entirely into your heart and they shred it, there isn't enough heart left to hold anyone much less the person who betrayed you. That may not be the answer you were looking for, but it's the best I've got.