I was going to journal this entry, but with so many newbies on the divorce & breakup groups, I thought they might benefit from my post so here it is.

Exactly one year ago today my stbx told me he didn't love me any more and wasn't in love with me. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I was devastated. I never saw this coming and I never in my life thought my marriage was in trouble. He moved out on May 5th which was another shocker. Even our therapist didn't see that coming. He moved out and hasn't looked back since. He filed for divorce on Sept. 29th, 2008.

There are many here who have been with me through this painful journey and I won't go into many of the details. But in a nutshell, since this day a year ago many hurtful things have occured. I sat on my porch one day alone and felt myself wanting to let go of it all. I immediately called my doctor and got on Celexa and have been on it ever since. I found out about another woman in my husband's life, while we were still married, he stopped paying our bills and I am financially in dire straights, he got laid off from his job and doesn't plan on getting another one any time soon so my spousal support is nil at this point. Let's just say it's been a hellish year.

But you know what, I have moved on so much that I didn't even realize what today's date was until almost 8pm tonight. I've written the date all day long at work and it never occured to me that this day a year ago I thought my life ended. But, it didn't. I am doing good now and looking forward to my future. I've let go of my 23 year relationship with my husband and I've let go of the dreams we shared. I've let go of him.

I just want all the newcomers to know that I was in your exact shoes a year ago today. My husband was the love of my life and I thought I would die from the pain of it all. But every day I got up and I took the baby steps needed to just get me through the day and back home again. I cried nonstop for 7 straight weeks - sobbed every single day for most of the day. Gradually that eased until I stopped crying all together. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die but I couldn't....just like most of you can't.

You are free to read my earlier journals to know that I was you even 4 months ago. Still trying to save my marriage, still holding out hope, still hurting and still crying. But I can promise you that it does pass. You do start to feel better and you do start to live again. You do start to look forward to the day instead of dreading it and you do stop living in your past hopes and dreams.

Just hang in there and at some point it will be you writing a post such as this one trying to encourage others.

Mostly I have to thank my DS family for walking this journey with me. Not once did they leave my side. Not once did they let me flounder. Each and every time I needed to be picked up off the floor or pulled from the pity pot, they were there .... every single time. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I love you and I couldn't have made it without you.

Now this "anniversary" of sorts is over and I not only made it through the day, I made it through without even remembering what day it was. That's how far I've come. Hugs to all.