Note that each family is different, and some kids will take the news harder than others regardless of their age. Staying together for the kids is always going to be a bad idea as the kids aren't stupid and can't tell what is going on.

People like to think they are doing the kids a favour, when in fact you are just causing more misery in the household by living like strangers. On the financial side of things, staying together longer could also affect alimony if applicable.

Take it from me. I stayed for the kids and my life is a mess. Sacrificing myself for them left me an emotional, spiritual and financial mess. I just have to pray that God takes care of my kids and that they know I love them more than anything.
Good luck and hugs to you my friend!

Matthew 5:9

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Initially, when the marriage, relationship begin to deteriorate, most couples do take their children into consideration. I did. My thinking was that no one had a reason to love my son the way his father did, and as long as I was not entertaining the thought of dating, having a boyfriend, why not hang onto my ex for as long as I did. My son loves his father, and because I did not express negative things about his father, my son respects me! As Deltone explains "Each family is different", however how parents respond to the separation, divorce experience will greatly impact on their child/children.

Aries1958 - so you are saying you stayed in your marriage with your hubby so as to not upset or hurt your sons feelings?

I think whether or not it in the best interest of the kids is if there is NO yelling, fighting, name calling, or anything else going on that could affect the children in their own personal relationships later on.
I have seen a few couples who have stayed together "for the kids"
and those poor kids. It honestly was the worst thing they could have done.

I am a child of parents who stayed for the kids - we all were wishing they would split up, but they didnt. Still bear the scars of exposure to an unhealthy relationship, Love my parents, they did the best they could with what they had and they made mistakes. I would never stay for the kids - in my case it was healthier for both me and my son to end the relationship.

What is worrisome about folks that stay together for the sake of the kids is that a good number of men who approach me are married and their story is the same - "I am with my wife because of the kids".

In my opinion, people should be together because they want to, not b/c of the kids or financial obligations. That's living a fake life. JMO

It's more complicated than this for me. When you say "for the kids," it is not just for kids. It can be about who you picture yourself being and the home you want to live in. perhaps you really WANT a two parent household, it feels lonelier to be single parent in house, not as much energy. You picture your future holidays and vacations, and you might really want that whole family experience. I don't think it is simple, especially if your spouse is not a terrible person.

If the marriage was functional enough, not violent, Kids will get sad, very sad, and scared about the future. they want to see each of their parents make it through too -- if one of the spouses is having really hard time then so will the kids.

I wish I could say it's easier for them, but it hasn't been easy for me or my kids. Good luck, they will know you love them and that matters most. you also can have a family therapist help you all through the process...

i know that i stayed longer than i should have, largely due to the fact that our son was only about 10 months old when we separated the first time. i guess i felt i "owed it to him" to try absolutely every avenue to keep our family together.

however, it takes 2 to keep a relationship together, and my H was definitely not pulling his weight, and was in fact doing many very destructive things and assuming it would all be ok, since i wanted us together so badly. i'm glad things are over now, before my son will be old enough to remember all the hard and bad times. as he grows up, i will be honest with him, without exposing all of the negative things that happened.

from what i've experienced, and from talking to several of my friends who are children of divorced parents, i don't think it's ever a good idea to "stay together for the kids." children look to their parents to show them how to have happy and healthy relationships when they grow up. i don't want my son to grow up thinking real happiness isn't possible and that he has to "fake it" to please someone. Children are more aware than a lot of adults realize, and they will pick up on the fact that mommy and daddy don't really love each other and don't really want to be together. i think there is an age-appropriate way to be honest with kids, no matter what their age. honesty, without disclosing all the gory details, is better for children than growing up in a lie, and definitely better for them than growing up with mom and dad at odds with each other.

@tcl18....I hear what you are saying, and unlike my ex who cam from a broken home and had a different idea of what family values surrounding marriage is all about, my parents are still married 50 odd years later and I can tell you that they had spats here and there that we the kids witnessed. My ex also came from a high school relationship that went all the way into her 30s, from which she had a daughter.

I was not prepared to stick to a relationship that was going to make me lose my sanity, but I wasn't going to settle for anything less than 50-50 with our son either. Her "friends" kept encouraging her to get nasty, and I called her bluff by serving her and in the end she saw the light and we never made it to trial like most cases.

1 Thessalonians 4:13

Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest, who have no hope.