Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Inputflangeman 03/02/2014

She always told me she never wanted to be a party mom, just wanted to be in a happy relationship. After 1 year of marriage and 6 amazing years of friendship, the ring is now off, and she's partying it up, and it hurts to hear this... Any advice on how to live my life so as to not let these things bother me and send me into a tail spin? Every time I think of her I get flooded with emotions of love, and I wonder if she ever thinks about me. I wonder if when she gets hit on, if she thinks "you're not my husband". Her final words were that she loved me to death and supported me no matter what and didn't know if she was doing the right thing. I still can't reconcile the reasons behind the split, because I know the love is there, We never fought, I just struggled with some difficult life circumstances that seemed to hit all at once, and then she was gone...

This just never seems to get better, reality seems to just keep using me like a punching bag.... i don't know how much more hurt I have left in me. Any advice? I do therapy, groups, friends, family, everything, i'm just haunted by the image of her and the times we had and how I could have prevented all of this from happening.

deleted_user 03/02/2014

Some people, right after a separation/divorce/split "party it up". They get intoxicated by the fun of it, the opposite of what they think they did have.

I understand you're hurting...but what are you, or will you do, for you?

Inputflangeman 03/02/2014

I would normally go to the gym, that's my daily therapy. But, I got arrested last week and have an ankle monitor on for going to my daughter's musical, despite my attorney's assurance that I had every right to be there. Ex wife is a cop, current seems to be under her spell, as well as the spell of the girl she is living with who just got a divorce. I think she is having a hard time not getting coerced and thinking for herself. Whose final words, and even after that, words to common friends are that she loves me to death, that I'm her soul mate, and best friend, does this?

Once i get, or if I get this monitor off, hopefully tomorrow, I'm back to the gym, and that helps a little bit. But, shutting my love for her off just seems impossible, and I can't stop the mental photo album, and the why's that have no explanation. I want to be mad at her, but, i just can't.

deleted_user 03/02/2014

Here's how it seems to be for a lot of people:

One person in the marriage feels "blindsided"...like BAM! all of a sudden things are bad. The other, more than likely, had plans in place...or was, at least, getting emotionally ready to exit.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your wife had idea in place, and now you are left shocked by it...which is understandable.

Inputflangeman 03/02/2014

So, here is the dumbest question of all time: If the love is there, or at least still fresh (I should add that she left me rather abruptly due to excessive drinking on my part, but, swore that she supported me and would never leave me). Yesterday was 90 days. I have no way of contacting her. I do believe that despite my drinking, she loved me and loved me to death. People always told me that she would tell them so and that I am her soul mate. There was no ultimatum given, she even told me not to go to treatment until I was ready about a week before this all happened. She told a friend about a week before all of this happened how much she loved me. All signs point to it.

Is there a way to ever get her back? If so, how? Go on with my life? I'm not allowed to contact her...I just can't get over the complete 180 she did on me...

deleted_user 03/02/2014

Honestly, I was not married to an alcoholic, and I know there are things there that people deal with that I don't have the knowledge base on.

I think, like I said, it seems like a 180...but it may have been something she wanted for awhile.

Other posters here have dealt with marriages involving alcohol, so I know someone here will be able to better help you.

deleted_user 03/02/2014

Though my marriage was alcohol free, I do know how it feels to be blind sided by someone. I had been friends with my ex since I was ten years old. We did everything together. We had been in an actual relationship with each for ten years. One day he looked at me and told me he just didn't love me anymore. Just like that. We hardly ever fought, and I still spend long hours trying to figure out where it went wrong. I still come up with nothing. Sometimes there is no answer to the questions we need most answered. Begging, pleading, phone calls, and all the ways that we try to reach out hurt us more in the end than them. Until you can get through your grief, she will be a constant barrage of memories that will run through your head. It will drive you nuts and it will continue to do so. Eventually, it will ease. The thing you sound like you need the most is some time away just to wrap your head around things. Do not try and rush this process or you will never heal and drag it into your next relationship, whether you two get back together or whether you can finally move on. I hope this helps.

deleted_user 03/02/2014

Hi there,
I wish I had something helpful to say but unfortunately I don't. I do know how difficult it is when someone blindsides you like this, especially when they've given no indication they were unhappy or thought there was a problem with the marriage. You may never find the answers to your questions. You may never learn why she did what she did the way she did it. IMO people who do things like this are complete cowards because they don't have the guts to face you. They would rather hide behind restraining orders and such because it makes it easier for them to deal with the guilt of what they've done.

There really isn't any easy way through this except giving it time. If people are relating to you her escapades, tell them to stop. Sometimes it's better not knowing what she's doing. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about what she's doing, if she's thinking about you, if she feels remorse. Our imagination can sometimes be our worst enemy. Just focus on taking care of yourself, focus on your sobriety. I know it sounds trite but the less time you spend thinking about her the better off you will be.

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