Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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AndrewJB 07/06/2016

We met in college and have been together for 10 years, married for 3. Things were bad, but one night we had a huge fight and she has never been the same since. Fast forward to today, she moved out, and we have been separated for 2 weeks now.

I am a wreck. I'm lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep in a night. I can barely eat. I enjoy nothing that I used to. The most unexpected things trigger a deep sadness and longing to call and hear her voice. This past week I've indulged that longing, and I know she just stays on the line in order to not hurt me more than she has to, I can feel I'm just inconveniencing her. I've grown so accustomed to confiding in her that I knew no other way.

My emotions go in every which direction. Yesterday I found myself confident and energetic as I had an opportunity to see her and get some dinner. She was friendly, but I think it did more harm than good. She isn't in love anymore. I just come across as desperate and sad, I'm sure.

I need someone to talk to when things are at their darkest. I need to cry. I need to feel these things and I don't know how to channel my emotions in any meaningful way. I feel like I can't function sometimes. It's especially difficult at work when I lose focus. I'm terrified that I might lose my job if this continues.

I don't know what to do.

lb7268 07/06/2016

Hey Andrew
All normal reactions. I just came thru it. You must move forward one day at a time. Research the grieving process. It will get better as time passes.

ezzy345 07/06/2016

As lb7268 said its all normal that you are feeling. I would suggest that you get busy. Get involved in something, anything after work. Whether its going to a support group or a gym or simply walking or running till you cant anymore. The more you get involved in the less time you will have to think about the whole situation. You need to learn how to get on in life without her. Its not going to be easy but it sounds like you dont have much of a choice. The sooner you start getting on with your life the better you will be.

Minidogs2 07/06/2016

Andrew,
Sorry for your suffering. Take one day, one moment at a time. Set your mind that you will get through this. The emotional and mental roller coaster is totally normal since there are so many hopes, dreams, emotions and plans invested in marriage. Focus on taking care of yourself by trying to sleep, eat, and exercise as healthy as you can. Sounds like you would benefit greatly from seeing a good therapist to sort out your feelings and thoughts. If you continue to not sleep and think the symptoms of depression and anxiety might cause you to lose your job, you can see your family doctor to suggest a possible medication. Keep in touch. If she's willing, you could work together in marriage counseling.

DawnRanae 07/06/2016

Hi Andrew. So sorry to hear how lost you are. Like the other DS members said, take this one day at a time. Try your hardest to focus on anything positive you can even if its so small. Surround yourself with positive people that are supportive...And let yourself feel the feelings you are experiencing. It is so hard but yet at the same time its the process you have to get through to heal. Things will get better. Some days it won't seem that way but stay strong. Best of luck to you and please keep us posted.

movingon2016 07/06/2016

Hugs Andrew. You are not alone. You will have your ups and downs. Days, hours or even minutes when you think you might be ok will be offset with times when you don't know how you will move on. Be strong, nothing lasts forever.

AndrewJB 07/06/2016

Thank you for the replies everyone. The pain is so intense, but these kind words help a little bit. Since she moved out it the loneliness has been crippling. I only have professional connections in the city I live in, and anyone I'm close to is at least 100 miles away.

I used to smoke 3 cigarettes a day, and now I'm up to an entire pack a day and all I do is constantly pace around my apartment. I'm really scared right now, everything is crumbling around me. I'm afraid of being so emotionally distraught that going out and participating in activities in public might end in me breaking down. Staying in pretty much guarantees I sink deeper.

I've told some friends what has happened and they were sympathetic, but I never hear from them afterwords. I feel like the last person in the world who cared if I was around has gone off and forgotten about me.

Minidogs2 07/06/2016

Is there a depression support group in that city? Some churches hold free groups for support. People there will understand what you're dealing with and be supportive, whereas usually friends aren't since they can't relate. Don't stay by yourself constantly. Your mind will tend to get stuck in an endless cycle of negative thinking. Pick one thing you can do outside of your house even if it's going for coffee or a walk. Your life is significant, and you can get through this. Keep in touch.

Jwhite2127 07/13/2016

I was in your exact same place. Couldn't face the idea of going out and doing anything. I spent a lot of time sitting on the corner of the couch and pacing, sobbing even screaming. It's been a couple of months now and about 2 days ago I woke up for the first time not feeling like it was all crashing back the moment I opened my eyes. Now I'm getting more angry over what he's done than sad. I keep telling myself that I may want my husband back but the man he has become is not my husband any longer. I didn't think I could possible ever feel anything but pain but time will help. My son told me that sometimes you just have to sit in the suffering for awhile because that's how you find your way through it. I'm not 100% by any means but it will get better

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