Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi! This is my first post. My ex and I have been seperated for 31/2 years and finally signed the divorce papers. We tried to make it work but this girl he was dating was really never out of the picture. He never lied or cheated when we were together. But when we both decided to try I found out he was dating her and sleeping with both of us. I can admit that I would never trust him again, after this. But why is it I can't help but think he choose her and she is better than me. Please help......
This is completely normal to feel this way. My ex-husband did cheat on me and it took me years to completely get away from feeling like she was better than me. If you can, make a list of all of his negative qualities and why you are not together. That helped me put the reality in perspective, that I was the winner in this situation and now SHE has to deal with his narcissism, pettiness, etc. It's not that someone is somehow, better, it's she happens to be the current person feeding his ego/needs. It has NOTHING to do with you....
Remember, someone looks real attractive when you can't have them, and when the reality sets in, she's also someday going to wonder why she wasn't "chosen".
He's also going to get a rude awakening about her, as well.....so, there's no need to compare yourself with her. Make a list of all of your wonderful qualities that only you possess, ask friends and family for help in making this list. You were the wife, she is not! Besides, two things to remember:
What they do with them, they will do to them....
Number two will always be the first loser....
Bless you and Good luck to your new life and something better in your future!
I want to thank you for your words of wisdom. I so much needed to hear someone tell me those things. I believe you are right. I was really debating on expressing my unhappiness on a site, but I am glad I did. She will have to live with the knowledge that he was still with me and lied to her throughout their whole time together, if she can get passed all that, which I highly doubt anyone could do. She will always wonder, I will not and I will wait and pray someone will come into my life and want to be with me. Again, THANK YOU.... You helped me today.
My stbx had multiple affairs. She is a narcissist, very demanding and controlling. All the men she has been with are just some way or another me, they are just in better health.
Stay strong -HUGS-
Dealing with our feelings begins with identifying them and then understanding them. What emotions are you feeling? Would it help if you would see a counselor? Christian counseling helped me to see I was not the "cause" nor did I have to remain a "victim", plus the future could be better if I continued to work on me. Support groups like Divorce Care let me know that I was not alone and gave me wise, hopeful guidance. Have you considered this? Hope you have "hope" today! Stay strong and know that you are wonderful and "enough."