Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My name is Matt. I am 28 and my wife is 24. We have been together 5 years and married just shy of 1 year. No kids, but 3 dogs. We have been having some trouble communicating and I have been having trouble with the things I say when we fight. We don't fight often but when we do it gets bigger than it should be because she will shut down and I will act out and say hurtful things.
2 weeks ago we had a big fight i involved her family (dumb on me) and in the past two weeks she will not talk with me more than a couple words in a text no phone calls she hasn't come home 4 nights in 2 weeks and when she does come home it's very late at night.
Ive asked her if she's cheating and she said no. I actually believe her because that's not her at all.
Tomorrow she is coming to our apartment and packing her stuff and leaving. We have two dogs (brother and sister) and she is taking the girl dog with her since she paid for her adoption fees a couple years ago. They are 4 now and have never been apart since birth.
i feel horribly guilty for having said the things I said when I was mad. I feel bad for not being as supportive as I could have been. I have been seeing a psychologist for two weeks since this fight.
I have no no idea what to do to save my marriage or my family.
How do I make this a temporary separation instead of a permanent one and end up in divorce? I've been trying my absolute hardest but she doesn't seem to care or want to try at all to save this. Her heart seems very cold and hardened.
Its heartbreaking to read what you're going through. My name is also Matt and i am only a few years older than you and am experiencing a very similar situation. I unfortunately have no advice as to how to fix anything but i want you to know you're not alone
to get anybody to come back to you. Some need to
Do limited contact. No personal talk, business at hand
Only. Use text or email try not to talk on the phone.
They are no longer your friend.
Many People keep trying to stay in contact when it is
already too late in the game and eventually you figure it
out after enough times of rejection, hurt and pain. HUGS
I don't know what if anything you can do to help the situation. It may be beyond your control.
For your own piece of mind and for her sake I would suggest reflecting on your words and actions. If you have said something hurtful, or done something wrong I would list these things and apologize. Decide to do better in the future. Seek help as needed.
Apologizing probably won't bring her back. Being kind to her probably won't help either. Nether of these things brought my girlfriend back. I did these things because I was genuinely sorry and wanted to be a better man.
20 years latter I have a wife who is leaving me. The important difference is ... I've been a good husband. I haven't repeated my mistakes from 20 years ago.
Like everyone I get frustrated and sometimes angry. I choose my words carefully though. I try to be fair. I don't call her names or try to put her down. I speak the truth.
Our personalities clash on some issues. That may not be fixable.
If things don't go your way with her try to prepare yourself to do better in the future. You're young and there is still time.
Just know that I appreciate the knowledge that you are working to make amends on your part. Keep us posted should you turn things around. Sending you hugs.
Our marriage ended due to many factors, but mainly because we're completely on the opposite side on our marriage. We can't communicate. Towards the end, she said she lost herself and ready to end the marriage while I'm still wanting to go through counseling and fight to save our marriage.
Based on my experience, my unsolicited advice is to reach out to your wife to let her know that you both need space to understand the root cause of your marital issues and where you both stand on your marriage. Like what Miranda said, no contact until you're both ready to talk.
As for your 4-legged kids, I say, don't punish them because you and your wife can't get along. Treat them as your kids. I have three dogs as well. When my ex-wife left our house, she knows that she can take anything in the house even all our savings but not my 4-legged kids.
Hang in there! It's hard to be in the position where you don't know what's going to happen in your relationship. One thing for sure, you BOTH need to decide your next steps..