Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello everyone, I'm writing this because I am feeling the single most emotional pain I have ever felt in my life. Not only is it awful, it's unrelenting, I feel sad, confused,lost, regret, doubt, I just miss her more than anything in the world.
Ill start by explaining our relationship;
This girl is my first love, and my first girlfriend, I met her at 17 at the college we went to, I originally just saw her as a good friend but we just grew to be more than that. Soon after we started "seeing" each other, nothing was official yet but she got with somebody at a party that I didnt want to go to, (Huge regret that I didn;t because I could of stopped it). And I didnt find this out until we had become officially in a relationship for about a month. I was distraught and felt so sad and betrayed because this girl had not just been a love interest, but before this she was my best friend.
This caused problems within our relationship because I found it hard to trust her, I never said that she couldn't go out or anything but she knew that I would worry if she did, and I didn't go out because I couldn't do something In a relationship that I wouldn't be comfertable with the significant other in the relationship doing. So we just did things together, which was nice.
After a time however this became difficult, I liked to have my own space, but she wasn't able to give me any space because when I wasn't with her I was worried about what she was doing, if she would be unfaithful etc.
About a year and a half after this incident, I had started to trust her more, and she had a male "friend" at work which I was fine with, Im not going to tell her who she can and can't hang around with, it wouldn't be right. I had started going back to training regularly (i stopped for a time because I was worried what she would do while i was there).
One day I, when I would usually be at training, I decided to surprise her, she told me she had gone into town to get some food, so I went to meet her, I called her asking her where she was pretending that I was onmy way to training and she wasn't where she said she was. I said to her Ok. This is bullshit WHERE ARE YOU NOW? And she told me she was with this guy, in town. I said that he better not be there when I get there (I was scared about what I would do to the guy if he was.) And I argued with her. and she told me she just needed a friend to talk to because I was becoming distant and that it was JUST a friend etc. I told her that he will just be a guy looking to get sex basically. Alot of guys are absolute dogs at times, and they see a vunerable girl and see it as some sort of sick opportunity. And I knew what was happening. I knew that whenever things werent right with me and her, she would be texting him. And instead of telling her the correct things, he would tell her what she WANTED to hear, to get what HE wanted. I hate that guys guts to this day even though I know that she was equally to blame as he was.
Because of the immense love I feel for this person, I half-heartidly accepted her story, knowing deep down that it just wasn't true. I found out later that she had been sending really bad texts to him, and I immediatly got enraged and broke up with her. Said that I didn't even want to see her again. A week passed, And I was in such emotional agony that I met up with her and we cried together and we decided to try and make it work.
At first this was good, we went out together, spent alot of quality time together, etc, but I could not, no matter how hard I tried trust her. Whenever she wasn't with me I was constantly worrying about what she was doing, but I love her so I kept trying and trying until about a week ago.
we talked about our relationship and how we both knew that it was unhealthy, and not a good relationship, and that in honesty we knew that breaking up was the right thing, but we both said that it was the last thing that either of us wanted. we cried and cuddled and vowed to make it work
I started feeling physically ill, having an off stomach and being sick
, it was like a nervous kind of emotional response. the feeling that deep down I knew that no matter what we did, it was over. and it was just a matter of time.
I told her about this sick feeling and we talked and cried and tried to make it work again, this continued for around 5 days, the sick feeling kept coming back over and over and we'd talk and it would go, but it would come back as soon as a few hours later. until yesterday, when we decided that we HAD to break it off.
I have the memory burnt into my brain of her walking out of my door to her car and her looking back at me crying and me just wanting to run over to her and hug her and tell her that everything was going to be ok
I know that the relationship was bad, and she did bad things in it, but this is the girl that I have pretty much spent 24 hours a day with 7 days a week for the past 3 years, and she's my first love. She has been my entire life for these 3 years, I have put her happiness above my own and still do, I am hurting more because I'm sad that she is hurting too.
I feel absolutely unconsolable, I feel ill and I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just want to have her here in my bed and cuddle her and make it all better, I miss her so much, but I know deep down that if I was to get back with her we would just be in the same position further down the line.
What do I do? Is there someway to reduce my pain, it's unbearable, I keep looking for answers online, and although what I'm reading is logical, It doesn't do anything to make me feel any better. I start university after the summer break again today and I don't feel I have the will to get out of bed. I don't feel like I have the will to do anything, I just feel so broken and hollow.
Ill start by explaining our relationship;
This girl is my first love, and my first girlfriend, I met her at 17 at the college we went to, I originally just saw her as a good friend but we just grew to be more than that. Soon after we started "seeing" each other, nothing was official yet but she got with somebody at a party that I didnt want to go to, (Huge regret that I didn;t because I could of stopped it). And I didnt find this out until we had become officially in a relationship for about a month. I was distraught and felt so sad and betrayed because this girl had not just been a love interest, but before this she was my best friend.
This caused problems within our relationship because I found it hard to trust her, I never said that she couldn't go out or anything but she knew that I would worry if she did, and I didn't go out because I couldn't do something In a relationship that I wouldn't be comfertable with the significant other in the relationship doing. So we just did things together, which was nice.
After a time however this became difficult, I liked to have my own space, but she wasn't able to give me any space because when I wasn't with her I was worried about what she was doing, if she would be unfaithful etc.
About a year and a half after this incident, I had started to trust her more, and she had a male "friend" at work which I was fine with, Im not going to tell her who she can and can't hang around with, it wouldn't be right. I had started going back to training regularly (i stopped for a time because I was worried what she would do while i was there).
One day I, when I would usually be at training, I decided to surprise her, she told me she had gone into town to get some food, so I went to meet her, I called her asking her where she was pretending that I was onmy way to training and she wasn't where she said she was. I said to her Ok. This is bullshit WHERE ARE YOU NOW? And she told me she was with this guy, in town. I said that he better not be there when I get there (I was scared about what I would do to the guy if he was.) And I argued with her. and she told me she just needed a friend to talk to because I was becoming distant and that it was JUST a friend etc. I told her that he will just be a guy looking to get sex basically. Alot of guys are absolute dogs at times, and they see a vunerable girl and see it as some sort of sick opportunity. And I knew what was happening. I knew that whenever things werent right with me and her, she would be texting him. And instead of telling her the correct things, he would tell her what she WANTED to hear, to get what HE wanted. I hate that guys guts to this day even though I know that she was equally to blame as he was.
Because of the immense love I feel for this person, I half-heartidly accepted her story, knowing deep down that it just wasn't true. I found out later that she had been sending really bad texts to him, and I immediatly got enraged and broke up with her. Said that I didn't even want to see her again. A week passed, And I was in such emotional agony that I met up with her and we cried together and we decided to try and make it work.
At first this was good, we went out together, spent alot of quality time together, etc, but I could not, no matter how hard I tried trust her. Whenever she wasn't with me I was constantly worrying about what she was doing, but I love her so I kept trying and trying until about a week ago.
we talked about our relationship and how we both knew that it was unhealthy, and not a good relationship, and that in honesty we knew that breaking up was the right thing, but we both said that it was the last thing that either of us wanted. we cried and cuddled and vowed to make it work
I started feeling physically ill, having an off stomach and being sick
, it was like a nervous kind of emotional response. the feeling that deep down I knew that no matter what we did, it was over. and it was just a matter of time.
I told her about this sick feeling and we talked and cried and tried to make it work again, this continued for around 5 days, the sick feeling kept coming back over and over and we'd talk and it would go, but it would come back as soon as a few hours later. until yesterday, when we decided that we HAD to break it off.
I have the memory burnt into my brain of her walking out of my door to her car and her looking back at me crying and me just wanting to run over to her and hug her and tell her that everything was going to be ok
I know that the relationship was bad, and she did bad things in it, but this is the girl that I have pretty much spent 24 hours a day with 7 days a week for the past 3 years, and she's my first love. She has been my entire life for these 3 years, I have put her happiness above my own and still do, I am hurting more because I'm sad that she is hurting too.
I feel absolutely unconsolable, I feel ill and I can't eat, I can't sleep, I just want to have her here in my bed and cuddle her and make it all better, I miss her so much, but I know deep down that if I was to get back with her we would just be in the same position further down the line.
What do I do? Is there someway to reduce my pain, it's unbearable, I keep looking for answers online, and although what I'm reading is logical, It doesn't do anything to make me feel any better. I start university after the summer break again today and I don't feel I have the will to get out of bed. I don't feel like I have the will to do anything, I just feel so broken and hollow.
The first 3 days were horrific, My initial post, and the second one summarise how I felt during those days.. During this whole ordeal my family has been absolutely amazing, they have supported me everystep of the day, and been there for me whenever I've needed to talk or just cry and be sad.
After that however I was able to eat a little, so I've been able to go to the gym which is great to take my mind off of the situation, and it makes me feel good about myself. I feel much better than I did.
I will not sugar coat things however, Yes I feel much better than I did, but I still miss her immensely, and I'm finding that my feelings are in waves currently. One moment I can feel really strong and motivated, and then the next I can go to feel really upset and down again. I'm finding night time and the morning the most difficult, night time because that's when I'm alone and I'm used to having somebody to talk to and hold at night in bed and then the morning because there's a split second where I've forgotten what's happened and then I remember and it hits me like a train.
What I have taken from this awful is experience is a plethora of things about myself, what I would do differently in future relationships etc. I have thought about this 24/7 every since it happened without fail, and I said to myself that I have two options;
Option 1; Sit here in self pity, do what I feel like doing which is nothing, and then months down the line feel insecure about myself because I've lost weight (muscular), and I've not socialised and I'm literally alone. Or, Option 2; I can do something about it, I can strive to make myself the best and strongest possible version of myself, I have started the gym again, and I aim to be social at university which I wasn't being because of the way the relationship was.
Not that I'm interested in another relationship any time soon, because I have a lot of healing to go through yet, and I have to fix things within myself, and I would honestly feel dirty for getting with somebody else whilst it's still all so fresh, to me it would feel like cheating on my ex-girlfriend, even though we have separated. But I want to improve myself as much as possible, so the next relationship that I get into will be much healthier and enjoyable for both of us.
I think I may continue to update this thread in future, It's almost like a diary entry for one thing, just opening up about my feelings makes me feel a little better, and should anyone else be in my situation I hope that they identify with me, and see my healing process unfold *hopefully*
I'd like to end this wall of text again by thanking those that have provided me with kind words, good advice and giving me an outside view of my situation, and by sending out my best wishes to anyone going through a breakup/divorce, It is one of the hardest things in the world as I'm learning first hand right now.
Just take your time and heal buddy, no rush no pressure jumping into the next one, just learn from this one, learn where it went to shit so you can navigate the next one. As you segue into your next relationship take what you learned from this one, and remember relationships are supposed to be FUN not work ok? Good luck you're doing fine :)