I'm 25, and this was my first serious boyfriend. I've had crushes, gone on dates, lots of little relationships - all of them ended very, very badly. Call me backwards or narrow-minded or whatever, but my dream has always been to be a loving, supportive wife. I've always wanted to help my man with his work, be by his side, do everything I could for him to support him. This guy was different than all the others. In the beginning, he was so attentive and gentlemanly to me. He picked me up at my house, drove me around, paid for our dates, gave me his coat in the cold, and held the door open to me. I helped him with his work, the stuff he brought home from the office. I cooked for him, and he enjoyed what I made. We enjoyed each other's company and had fun together. It felt right, like it was going to work out, everything seemed to point to our being together. He had me to his grandparents' for Christmas, invited me to Thanksgiving, talked about marriage, our future together, and when we fought and I asked if he wanted to break up, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "No." So then he dumps me and says it's because he never had feelings for me.
After so many heartaches, I just can't go on. This is the fiftieth bad ending to any romantic connection in my life. I literally have no heart left to try and brave finding my dreams again. It's just too broken. Even if I did, I couldn't. I live in an area where there aren't many good single men (I was dating one of three in the church of 300 I attended.) Other churches (yes, I'm very religious) have similar statistics, and I know from experience those statistics are factual.
People say, "Oh, you're young, you'll find someone," but it's hard to take them seriously when there's no one in sight and you've already waited so long. "There's someone out there for you." Really? Where? "The right one is coming along; you'll see." Great! Now, if you'd be so gracious with your apparent clairvoyance, would you mind telling me the winning lotto numbers so I could get some more instantaneous comfort in my situation?
I don't know what to do, where to go, what actions to take... You can only pray the same prayer so many times before it's more or less redundant to you. And people keep offering up the same useless platitudes I've heard a hundred times over. The only thing that gives me comfort is the $1.25 Blue Bunny Spiced Pumpkin Pie ice cream that I can afford to eat by the tub if I so choose. But that's not healthy.
So, tips? Tricks? Ideas? Stories of woe to share?