The way I read it you have every right to feel devastated, again the way I read it your husband has decided to go absent without leave, meaning he has cheated on you as in "in sickness and in health". Are you receiving professional help? PS: Never think of yourself as stupid because no such beast exists, and never engage in any other form of negative self-talk/labeling, as it is of no benefit to you either.

I am so sorry you are going through this. For your own health and sanity try to stay positive. The last thing you need is a stroke or anyother ailment that could keep you from fully caring for yourself. Do not give him that power! I know its easier said then done. I am going through similar but I have not had to go through surgery. Please do not allow his selfishness to steal your joy. I don't know if you are spiritual but please reach out to or internet search some spiritual guidance that can assist you through this. I am seeing a therapist, I also have been reading, listening to and watching spiritual media that can assist me with this situation. My heart is hurting and I am killing myself racking my brain trying to figure out why. When in actual reality he probably doesn't know why. All I know is I don't deserve it. Do not make this into your fault. We have to learn to love ourselves first. This way when rejected we are so busy loving ourselves in doesn't affect us as much. I know its easier said than done. I am typing it and still trying to figure out how to do it when I'm dying inside. Best of luck to you. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.

My life sucks I just spent over a half hour typing a good reply only to have my stupid internet take it away!!!!! Sorry I'm just to pissed, to start again, especially when hubby thinks I'm just over reacting.

PS Don't feel bad... I do sometimes have issues with things posting here too. The other day I tried 3 times (lengthy posts as I am far too chatty) before finally giving up until later (and it did work then)

the fact that he seems to hold resentment and your illness against you.....and then saying once you recover he will try then...maybe.......is not enough. if someone truly loves and supports you they would be right alongside of you helping in any way they can.

You just never know what’s around the corner, and you can’t hold the hand of who you’re supposed to be with until you let go of the hand you’re currently holding. There’s good in every situation, and in order to get through a tough break up and onto the next chapter in your life, you have to appreciate that what you had may have been good, but something better is on its way, and you’re a stronger person now because of what you’ve been through. if its over move on and be a better you

Sorry for your pain and feelings of rejection. I have been married 32 years and there could be numerous things to hold against if not for forgiveness from both of us. Walls are built and emotional distance is created, but that can change. Please get some help from a counselor or pastor to rebuild your relationship. Feelings change all the time, but it is the commitment and the covenant we made that keeps us together. A professional could help you both learn to communicate better your needs and hurts. You are only responsible for your choices, so as far as it is up to you do the right thing.

Oh how I wish that were possible. I brought up counseling, no go. He just doesn't think he has to put in the effort. As far as he's concerned, he's done nothing wrong. I didn't turn out like he thought I would. And it is irresponsible and arrogant of him to have kept this all to himself for the last 10+ years. And I'm suppose to be ok with him saying I'm not what he wants anymore. The man is clueless. Im almost done torturing myself. It would have been easier if I didn't love him anymore. Thanks for your words.