Same here Pam although for only 6 months. I too am trying so hard to forgive her for the emotional affair and leaving and do know that it is tough. I've been told and truly believe that when we do forgive that we can really go forward and not dwell on the past. We may never know the full story or maybe just hear of a diluted one to suit there selfish needs but each day I try to forgive. Not sure there is a good answer for you except time, be the better person, be successful and try to find the inner self/happiness. Extra good luck.. M

((((( HUGS)))))))

I hear what you're saying. I am also trying to forgive, but it seems a real tall order right now. Stbx and I have been separated for almost 8 months, and though I have received apologies from him, they lack any type of sincerity. I truly don't believe he is sorry for hurting me; I think he's sorry he got caught cheating and suffered consequences for it.

I also would like the truth as I believe it would help, but I also think I'll never get it. I guess the solution is to keep moving forward and building a new life for yourself. At some point, his involvement in your life will seem insignificant.

Maybe it's at this time that you'll be able to forgive. I know this is not much help, but I'm not sure anyone has a solid answer for this. You'll forgive when you are ready.

Hugs to you.

for me, to forgive, i first must have to understand the other person's fears deep within. it is our fears that make us do stupid things and make poor choices. men have all sorts of insecurity issues that cause us to chase women, money, and embrace vices. learn to see him as just a human with his quirks. it had nothing to do with you as a person. you just got caught up in his drama.

some people just never grow up enough to fully commit to another person. it is sad.

Pam, I was able to forgive my stbx when I realized it was something in her character, that it was not my fault that was the cause of her infidelity. I think sometimes we find it more difficult to forgive ourselves that to forgive others. Every situation is different so I can't judge yours by mine. Hopefully you will be able to forgive him someday because that unforgiveness will hold you back from moving on and having a fulfilling life.

Only you can give yourself closure, because no matter how many times he says something, will you really trust it to be true? We all have our issues that we bring into our marriages. You just have to remember that you did love him at one time. You cannot control what he did or does or says - only your reaction to it. If you want to forgive, first forgive yourself and then keep in mind that he was dealing with his issues and handling him the only way he knew how....just as you are. Kinda like how God forgives us - we are all sinners - once we acknowledge that, makes it easier to accept others. Doesn't mean we have to agree with what they choose to do, just means that we know that they are not perfect....no one is...Forgiveness is not the hard thing - forgetting is....but use this scar and turn it into a star to guide you, your children and others....

Forgiveness is devine. I forgive but try not to forget those lessons and I try not to let it scar my soul. Life has been tough for me since the age of 3 and there is only 1 that I have yet to forgive because he is still alive and I ask God to forgive my unyielding heart on that one.

Success is when you can overcome adversity. I wish you so much peace and joy. Hugs!

I think that if I had waited for the feelings of forgiveness to come to me, I would still be in the same predicament I was a year ago. Forgiveness is a decision not a feeling. You make that decision very much like you set a goal and you work your way to it. Most of us will never get answers. I know I won't. Plus, I don't think that at this point what he would have to say would mean much to me. It's never going to be like putting two pieces of a puzzle together... In my own experience I try to find peace and forgiveness for myself first. It is allowing me to move on. I have forgiven him, but it doesn't change the past. I hope it helps.

Forgiveness is about you. Its not forgetting what has happened but it is taking your hands from the choke hold around their neck. When we don't forgive, its ourselves we are hurting. People that hurt us may never ask for forgiveness or if they do they will never fully appreciate the pain their actions caused. I don't think it's possible. So we truly are the ones suffering all the while when we don't forgive. When you forgive you are not condoning their actions. Ultimately, we all answer to God for the wrongs in our lives. This is true for your ex too. Pray that God will help soften your heart so you can forgive.

Thank you for all your support & replies. I want to forgive for myself because I know it is my black cloud following only me...not him. I want to move forward & be able to just be "me". I thought I was well on my way for the past 6 months & am, for the first time in my life, happy with who I am. I'm even thankful in a wierd sense for this experience because I like who I am & where I am in my life right now. Just recently, my sister, who has been with her husband for the past 24 years (childhood sweethearts) has slept with another man & is ruining her marriage. This has brought all kinds of emotions flooding back as I hear her making the same excuses & laying blame on her husband exactly the way my ex did. This has been an incredible strain on me as she is my sister & I love her & want to be there for her but I hate her for doing this. I hate her when I see my brother in law going through the same things I did. I know my ex cheated & ultimately left because of his own unhappiness with himself. He blamed me from the start & still does...I see in her, that same unhappiness with herself & it is so much easier to blame someone else instead of looking internally. This has torn me apart....
On top of this, my ex & I are now arguing over Christmas arrangments as he is determined to have "Santa" gifts & a second stocking at his place for her. I feel this will lead to her no longer believing in Santa & there is also the fact that I am living on next to nothing as I'm in school & he refuses to split on Santa gifts as we had originally planned when we first seperated. It is when there is stress such as this that all the "I hate you with a passion"feelings come back.....
For the second year in a row...I'm am wishing for the hilidays to be over....