Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Filling that "hole"?

melissa87
melissa87
It's been about 6 months since my bf left...I felt like I not only lost my love but my best friend, too. We were together about a year and when he disappeared, things were better (so I thought) than they'd ever been and I was starting to think this was it so I (along with everyone who knew us) was completely blindsided. I know why he left, I understand all the psychology behind it, etc. I don't hate him and have been trying very hard to move on with my life.
I'm sure all of you know what I mean when I say it left a huge hole in my life. I've done the no contact thing (had to enforce it, actually as he thought we'd be friends but I can't do that), stayed busy, spend time with friends and family, I have minimized reminders to the extent that I can, I've landscaped, painted my living room, been taking care of myself, etc. But I still have this pervasive loneliness and still feel like there is this huge hole in my life and I don't know what to do about it. Other than time, anyone have any suggestions about how they dealt with/got past that? A friend of mine has been encouraging me to date again but I have zero interest in that right now.
Sarasalt
Sarasalt
I definitely know the hole you're talking about. I've had several people suggest meetup.com. It could be a way to kind of get out there and meet new people who have similar interests, without the focus on dating. I haven't really gone into it yet, but I saw that there were some reading groups and things like that in my area that I'll likely check out once things are more settled.

I hope that the hole starts to heal soon. Sending positive thoughts!
SadNLonly
SadNLonly
Wow, I know what you mean by the "hole". I think the worst part was that I lost my best friend. Someone you spoke with multiple times a day and told everything to all of a sudden is gone. I had friends and family to talk to , but it wasnt the same. I lived in misery for over a year. I did everything you did. I tried everything. I even sought therapy, meditation, positive affirmations, and got on depression meds to get me through the days.

In the end, unfortunately, I think it takes those things plus TIME to help heal. I know its not the best answer, or the one you want to hear, but I honestly think that is it. You can go out with friends and family, but in the end that hole is still there. At least for me it was. One day I woke up and I felt less miserable and each day got better.

Until you are ready, dont even try to date. You need to be mentally prepared for it.

this site is such a help. Great advise given on so many things. Im sorry you feel this way, i know how horrible it feels, but know you will feel better again. Good luck to you. HUGS
Ariadne101
Ariadne101
Yes, its a big hole and I know what it's like to find ways to fill it, all kinds of distractions, like overworking, over eating, not always doing the right things, sometimes feeling like I was drowning in it with all my tears, a lot of self pity. Everyone's ways of coping is different. You'll get there! Give yourself plenty of time.
unclepappy
unclepappy
The best advise I can give you is to not date. Until you are whole again, you are vulnerable to the wolves who will take advantage of your weakened state. It will take time. But I also understand that you control that factor. How long it will take to heal will be up to you. One of the things that we fell to understand is that I was a whole person before the other person came into my life. When they leave, we feel like we have lost a part of us that cannot be regained. But that is not true, we simply lent a portion of ourselves to them but that portion can be recovered by you at anytime. I studies a lot about myself and what I still had to offer this world. I ended up touch over 500,000 people after my wife left me and the kids after being married for 27 years. The pain was outrageous. But once I started working on me and my purpose for living things got better quickly. I wasn't so focused on what I lost as oppose to what I could still accomplish with my life. I have since gotten remarried and I am happier now. Hope this helped. I even started a facebook group called "THE CONFLICTS OF LIFE" God restored me.