Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Can't believe I'm back here lol
Day 2 of no contact. Had a pretty good day today actually except for the drive home, started thinking again. GF of 5 years, the most intensely connected, unconditionally loving and deeply bonded relationship I've ever had. Honest to god true love. After 5 years I still loved her and was in love with her more than I've ever been, more than with anyone else.
She left me because of the stress of not being supported. I mean, I get it.. We are both anchored by our young kids about 2 hours apart, the schedules always sucked, couldn't move in with each other, her boss is ready to retire any day, her baby-daddy hardly ever pays any child support, and she's super stressed out and always struggling, always just barely scraping by paycheck to paycheck. Friends are getting married and doing well, I'm doing well, and we're stuck living apart.
I knew she was struggling but I was so confident in our openness and communication that I never thought she would do something like this without at least exploring other options. That's what we did! We worked things out. Always. Heavy stuff too. We weren't new to this. Why didn't she ask me for help?? Was her f##king pride more important than our relationship?? I could have helped her with two or three hundred a month (on top of paying my own child support). Why didn't she look for another job? Was not disappointing her boss more important than our relationship?? This was so sudden. Should I have offered to give her money? I would have been happy to, not just to save our relationship but because I loved her. Financial support isn't something that -I- value in a relationship, so maybe it just never occured to me that it was THIS important to HER.. After all, it's not like our situations have changed in 5 years. Our love for each other has always been enough, without question. I never knew that was this much of a priority for her. We talked about everything and knew each other inside and out. I feel angry at her for not giving us the chance to figure something out, and I feel guilty that I didn't do something sooner.. Like I missed the signs or something.
I really want to call her and chew her out. This is the angriest I've been since. I've already made up my mind that we can't get back together no matter what, even if she calls me right now saying she made a huge mistake. I don't want to be with someone that my love isn't enough for. And I say that with all the respect in the world for her needs; I'm a big boy, I can admit that I can't fulfill all of someone's needs. But I don't want to be with someone that is so quick to jump ship. I don't want to be with someone that can so easily take the amazingness that we HAD and throw it away for the CHANCE at finding someone else to take care of her. I feel like she didn't give me a chance. Or that I didn't take one.
There's so much more to it, it would be hard to explain. I know that she's devastated as well. I know she's hurting. We still very much love each other. She feels like this might be some kinds of mid-life crisis (she's turning 40 tomorrow). I trust her enough to know there's nothing else going on.
I know the non-contact will help break the bond and I need to stay strong but I'm having a hard time tonight.
No phone call and I'm already feeling better :-)
I tell ya my wife of 24 years left me almost 3 years ago now..it was really really rough, hardest thing I've been through but I got through it like you did before years ago...just vent here, stay NC...with time you'll detach and be ready for the next one! Plenty of them out there lol...I'm talking to a gal now I knew years ago..nice to have that connection again, if it goes further great if not that's fine too..I'm pretty much healed and comfortable finally being on my own..important to get there first than settle for someone just to be with someone
Commitment is a big deal to men too.
Please don't minimize anyone's relationship because they didn't sign paperwork. And please don't minimize my relationship by calling it "just dating". What we had for 5 years was deeper and healthier than my "marriage" of 12, but somehow it's supposed to be a lower "level"? We worked through harder things than most married people I know, and came out better for it. We spent holidays with each other's families, vacationed together with our children. We had plans for how we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I realize you don't understand the dynamics of what we had, but that's precisely the reason not to jump to conclusions. Maybe for whatever reason you believe that
Marriage, dating, wife, girlfriend... When you realize those are all just labels you can actually start to appreciate your partner for who they are and what they mean to you instead of trying to fit them in a box of expectations. That isn't true love.