I'm trying not to be afraid of commitment but it's hard sometimes when you have severe trust issues, abandonment issues, low self esteem...
I to have self-sabotaged past relationships to try and protect myself...

I have somewhat similar fears - but it's more a fear of Mr. Hyde than a general fear of commitment or a globalized fear of men. I have always had close male friends who I can trust and talk to. I just want to be sure I can spot the control freaks before I start dating again - and I want to take a lot of time to do my own thing before I get involved in someone else's world.

I don't like to hide my feelings and I won't, but the downside is I am a babbling fount of narcissistic supply. Control freaks are attracted to givers, and they practically beat a path to my door. Nice guys, on the other hand, well, they usually seem to think I'm just one of the guys, or at least that's been my past experience. My luck will have to change if I'm ever ever going to date again.

I got a little verbose there.

But musict, don't you also worry about NOT being emotionally giving? That can certainly ruin a relationship too. Ruin it for the guy who might be worthy, and ruin it for you if you get joy from giving love.

See, this is why I think it needs time to work these things out.

Music you will find someone someday. I like to think we all will. And don't forget there are a lot of men out there that are sharing your same fears. Me included. But I also know that i need to step forward and put those fears aside if I want to be happy again. Just a matter of getting off my ass and doing it! LOL

After my marriage to my ex I am scared to death to think of gettng into a relationship that could lead to living together or marriage again! I fear it will go the same way my first marriage went. I always thought I'd marry and that would be all, no divorce, no more dating or looking for soemone to love. But here I am looking again. Yes I am seeing someone now, but I find myself looking for lies and fear that he'll leave me when someone better comes along.

Fear is one of those crazy things...it can control our lives if we let it. But when fear comes attached to our emotions like this does it gets really tricky. I don't have a problem liking men or being attractive to them and wanting a relationship with them. It's when it gets to the point where I can tell it's heading that way I start to push. But we have to strive to not let fear control our lives because if we do we could be missing out on a great life.

Frumpy I understand what you are saying, I feel the same way too, but in order for me to have things work out this time, I am finding - no matter how hard it is - NOT to compare her to stbx. I also find that honesty is the best way to be, If I have doubts about something, come right out and ask.

The fear I hope will go away in time. I pray it does. Like ahen said, I don't want to pass up something that can be potentially wonderful becuase of my own fears.