Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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bmio 09/18/2018

Hello everyone,

I have just register so I don't know how things work here. So I'm just gonna tell you my story.

I had this thing kinda a relationship -but not exactly- with a guy. Actually, we were basically fuckbuddies. But we were also friends, it wasn't just meet and fuck kind of thing. He used to come to my place, we watch movies, laugh a lot and god we had deep conversations till morning. I always knew that we weren't meant to be but as we hang out, I had this feeling. You know. I started feeling good when he is around, I wanted him to stay longer and eventually I had this terrible feeling. I didn't want him to ever leave my apartment, or me. I was crying the morning after we stay over just after he goes, like literally after closing the door. I tried to talk to him about my feelings, but whenever i try to talk about a relationship he had this certain attitude like "no, it's not gonna happen". So i started keeping feelings inside, i kept fucking with him and it wasn't for sex anymore. I needed to see him. I was miserable. I still can't forgive myself for doing this to me.

It's been almost a year from the beginning. We've been through a lot together. I loved him, I really did. But he wasn't good for me, he didn't let me love him. Or be with him, be in his life. I tried to do it his way, but I was like dying inside every single day. So I told him that this is over.

Surprisingly, I don't feel as bad as I thought I would be. There's a pain somewhere deep inside. I don't know what I'm gonna do if i miss him. I am not sure if i can keep my promise to myself. But somehow, I feel free. I feel like I can do better now. I'm just afraid of losing my shit in a moment. This calmness feels surreal. Like one day I'll go to my apartment and remember something and I'll lose my shit. And text him again, begging for to come over. I don't know what to do.

p.s.: if you have a situation like this and wanna talk about it, feel free to write me. i would love to talk

Bobby5000 09/19/2018

Hopefully you can get out of this unproductive somewhat toxic and manipulative relationship where you are being used and find a good person and an overall relationship. .

bmio 09/19/2018

thank you so much. it was toxic and manipulative obviously. i guess i'll just take my time for a while. relationships over just ended relationships might be confusing to me.

Fadedgypsy 09/20/2018

Toxic yes manipulative I don't see that so much. You Both went into this with the agreement of it not being anything then friends with benefits. You knew from the beginning he did not want a relationship so I don't see where the manipulative part come in. Now granted friends with benefits usually don't work it's better just to have a fuck buddy excuse the language someone that you don't have a friendship with you don't have a relationship of any kind. Working hanging out whatever call him up for a booty call get what you need and go is the only way to have any sanity if you don't want more. Friends with benefits never work someone is gonna end up attached. You want to be angry with him but deep inside your angrier with yourself because you thought you were in control of yourself and your feelings and you could handle this kind of thing. That you could flip your feelings on and off like a light switch. But in your case your switch got stuck and you caught a feeling. Believe me I know where youre coming from. Right now I think you're on autopilot because you logically say ok we weren't together so I can't feel heart break over this subconsciously that is. And maybe that's how you work I know I was numb and not feeling upset actually felt silly until I saw him with someone alse and it sent me into a tailspin he was giving her everything I wanted from him and with him. Be cautious of that happening I'm not a violent person but I was ready to beat the brakes off of this girl who had really done nothing wrong and I ended up looking like a fruit cake.

bmio 09/20/2018

Hahaha i dreamt about it several times, what if I see him with a girl and she has everything I ever wanted. I'd be angry maybe sad for a little while but I think that would be the only way prove he does not love me and never will. Manipulation was always there like, he used to say you are being emotional now but you don't actually care, I love you, I care about you so much, that's my way of loving someone, let's keep doing it my way and you'll feel better etc. I don't know if this is not manipulative then what is.

11Christmases 09/20/2018

It takes time to detox and forgive yourself. Over time as you get out and meet new people, it will become more clear what it was about this person that got you hooked, so that you can look for that quality in another person who actually does want to have a loving monogamous relationship with you.

There are a lot of selfish, manipulative men out there, and you are not alone in your situation. At least you were strong enough to end it, even though it hurts. Don't be surprised if you experience a roller coaster of emotions that lasts months or even more. It is all normal as your brain withdraws from the chemicals it was making while you were with him.

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