Hi Sue. How terrible. You have been let down so drastically. The most suffering people experience is from the hands of other people. It is not necessay to have happened but it did. Without justification. Suffering from loved one's is even worse. As we live, we go through pain. I don't know why God has us go through these experiences, but we do. You have my sympathy.

Thankyou x

Don't worry about some of these people's God nonsense and religious agendas. This is not part of universal plan, this was an individual who screwed you over. Saying it was part of a plan is a total excuse and justification. It's saying God himself has made him cheat on you and made you go through this to give you some sort of deep revelation, which is utter crap and juvenile nonsense. We humans play our games and sometimes people get hurt and has nothing to do with anything other than people's narcissistic desire is to seek their own gains. I take particular exception to people who think first of all God exists, second of all that the supposed creator of the unknowing infinite universe would not only take interest in people...but at an individual personal level is itself lacking in perspective as well as fantastically self-centered. Really? Are we really that special? Or do you simply have no understanding of physics, astronomy, philosophy, or psychology? Im willing to bet the latter. Before I turn this into an atheist rant any more than I already have. This should be about practical advice on how to get through this horrible time that has reverberating consequences for the children who are completely innocent. It's easy to say the best thing you can do is to be as strong as is humanly possible so that you can model for your children how real adults should act in the world. Actually it's not that easy for me to say so much it is it is easy for me to empathize with your plight. You're going to have to be stronger than you thought possible. And by packing his bags and sending him away, despite the emotional attachment that you may still have for him, you're already well on your way and I have faith that you will get through this. Believe in yourself and you'll never be let down. Archaic dogmas are about subjugation. What you need is freedom. The unknown may be scary, but its a 2 sided coin that also holds incredible possibilities and hope for the future, even if all you can see right now is tails. Heads may be right around the corner and we would never know it. Stay strong sue. Believe in yourself for your kids and for the future. Ups and downs are going to come but you have to ride the waves until you eventually make it out of this storm. A lot of us are riding the same waves.

He messaged me before an told me that there was no physical contact even though the messages she sent me suggest that. He said it was all fake an he got carried away with it all but has never met her. I don't know if I should believe it aseems one of the messages says "are you coming to f#@ck me friday" an he says yes. I'm so confused should I believe him or take the girls word that he was "playing away"? I'm so stressed

It's exactly like a death. We're mourning what we thought we had. It's horrendous but you will get through it. I'm currently going through my 2nd divorce & its heart breaking - we are all in similar situations. You will be ok & you do deserve better - keep telling yourself this over & over xx

Sue, I am so sorry you are going through this. Only you know in your gut if he's lying or not.

Almost regardless of whether they had physical contact or not, the intent was there. That's almost as bad as the act. He's checked out, and if you were to get back together, he likely repeat his actions. For the time being, suspend any thoughts of lonliness or what the future may hold should you stay apart and ask yourself questions like: Do you want to be with someone who's "playing" with another woman? Do you think he respects you as a partner? Do you want this type of turmoil to always be in your life? Can you ever trust him fully again? One year is a really long time to be having an affair, whether emotional or physical. You can heal from this, but you must look out for your own best interests.

It's hard for me to believe that only texting went on for a year but they never met. I think your initial reaction was spot on - to firmly end it. If you didn't you'd be saying on some level that it was okay to stray even emotionally, if indeed that's all it was. But how could he live a lie that long? I'm sure Walmer7 only meant to be encouraging by bringing up God. Really have no idea at all why FamilyGuy had to go on about his personal beliefs that have zero to do with your painful situation. I believe in God. Verbally beating people up for believing in God is as bad as believers in God beating people over the head with their Bible and constantly bringing it up even though it's not asked for or welcome. Like speechless said, it is like a death, the death of dreams you had together. Take all the time you need to grieve it. But I promise it will get better. Hugs.

Jaynib i agree, we all need to keep our own religious
Thoughts and views out of these discussions it is not
good or Healthy for anyone.

I am just Spiritual not religious. We all have a right to
our own opinions Outside of posting on here. Religious
Or agnostic/atheist messages are generally not well
received or wanted by most on these forums. Its not
About our own beliefs.

Onto the real subject which is "grieving", you need to
Grieve your losses whether the relationship was good
Or bad. Its still a loss with your hopes and dreams in it.

I loved divorce care for help with those issues also going
To therapy to help me figure things out and what was in my
Own best interest. My ex was checked out and long gone
Before he started looking and flirting with women on Facebook,
he Made his choices. He knows the difference between right
And wrong.

Generally that is the tell when they are willing to be disrespectful,
They don't love you. Its hard but its a choice they made to cross
That line and usually their new bad behaviors show you where
They are at emotionally within the marriage.

My ex still has no remorse Or concern for me. Its like i deserved
it all, to me he is walking on his dark side and is proud of it. HUGS

He has now told me the truth it was physical. He has fed me lin after lie I'm very shook up and scared. I feel like hiding away from the world but my anxiety is sone bad I can't stay still. Thanks everyone gorgeous your support x

Also we got on amazing an had good relationship all round so don't understand what he got from it. He also seems to feel no remorse and is acting like a totally different person than the man I knew and loved. I can't see me ever trusting again xx

Suzi, you can expect to go through all the emotions on your path to healing - sadness, anger, etc. Journaling is a good idea because you will be surprised at how much you can learn by putting things on paper. You've got support so hang in there! I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will trust again. Not every guy is like him. Right now just focus on healing and taking care of yourself. I like journaling, going on walks/hikes with my dog, joining a supportive group, either through church or a Meetup.com group for something like learning a new language. These are things that have contributed to my healing.

HI Suzi,
I'm really sorry that you're going through this. My ex-wife lied to me for quite sometime before I learned that she was cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend, who happens to be the father of my youngest stepchild.
It was the most devastating feeling I've ever experienced, and as "speechless1000" said it is like a death and you need to give yourself the time to mourn. It is a process, trust me I know, as I've been through it before and going through it now...unfortunately by the same person (took my ex wife back only for her to leave me again)..
You are at the right site, as people here offer the best advice and support. Feel free to friend me and message me if you'd like to vent or just "chat" We are all here together for one another.
Take care.

Thankyou so much , I feel like this is deffenatly helping me just to know I'm not alone.