Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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aggiedolphin823 02/26/2010

So first of all hi everyone... I have been missing in action from here for a while now, things had been going really well for me but now I am feeling pretty dumb. So met this guy online back in November and we started talking. At the time wasn't sure if I was ready yet for anyone so we were just friends. Talked every day for hours at a time and somewhere along the way I fell for him. He lives in Mass. and I am in Ohio and twice now he has driven the 8 hours to come and see me.

Problem is that he was hurt very badly by an ex girlfriend and he doesn't know what he feels or if he wants more than friendship - not only from just me but from anyone - right now. I really thought that it was headed toward something more than friendship. He says he loves me because I am his best friend, and that he loves spending time with me, and that he loves how he feels when he is around me (and all of that to me sounds like love) but he says he doesn't know if he is in love with me.

So am I wasting my time with this even though I am in love with him - actually never felt this way about anyone else before even my ex-bf who I thought I was going to marry. Or should I just be his friend and give him time to figure his feelings out?

deleted_user 02/26/2010

Hi, aggie!! Good to see you out and about. I wish I had an answer for you, but if I knew stuff like that I wouldn't still be here. :)

oOoREBoOo 02/26/2010

I vote for being friends. Isn't that how a good relationship should start?

That's just my opinion....

aggiedolphin823 02/26/2010

Hey woobie :) Good to see you again too.

rbm . . . thanks, I dont want to lose him as a friend just still hoping it will be more than that

GeocacherNY 02/26/2010

"Or should I just be his friend and give him time to figure his feelings out? "

yeah.. just Be... if he isn't going anywhere, there's time for things to work out... if he is, then you don't need to fall too fast

lycesq 02/27/2010

Aggie - I have to agree- friendship at this time makes sense to me.

Lynne

aggiedolphin823 02/27/2010

Thanks Geo and Lynne :)

There's been lots of drama the last few days. He is getting ready to move from Mass. to Cali. for a job and mutual friends keep jumping all over him because I am hurting which makes him mad (and rightly so) but then he is angry at me. *sigh* Why can nothing ever be easy?

lycesq 02/27/2010

Addie - because that's the nature of the beast - living is complicated.

Lynne

deleted_user 02/27/2010

woahh... he is angry at you because of what mutual friends are doing? Are they your friends? If they were my friends, i would tell them to back off him and mind their own business. But he isn't right for getting angry with you for something you didn't do. Red flag. It might suck for him right now with the upcoming move and pressure from people, but he shouldn't take it out on you, in any way.

And yep, give it time. The feelings have to be mutual and both people should be in love (or not)... but sometimes on person gets there quicker than the other, so just wait and see what happens. Not a fun place to be... ((((hugs)))) Good to see you here!

deleted_user 02/27/2010

Speaking as a fresh perspective (my breakup was only yesterday), I would definitely not push him to make a decision about your relationship status. That's kind of how I wound myself up here. Guys don't like to be pushed to do anything. And little did I know that the more I was pushing my boyfriend to talk to me about everything that was going through his head, the more I was pushing him away. In the end it turned out that he just needed his own time to figure things out, and my trying to get him to talk to me didn't help anything in the situation.

Sorry, didn't mean to turn that around on myself, but the moral of the story was not to push him to make a decision.

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