It sounds a little hollow, but let it go. It's not worth the effort or added drama. Most of the people in their life know what they really are anyway. Throwing a spotlight on it and starting a smear campaign will just make you look "lesser than. The truth will come out. Their circle will shrink. Work on you. To Hell with them. This is my daily mantra. Hang in there.

rise above the simple pettiness that they have chosen to display and prove to yourself that you are better than that.

It would probably only add to your pain and slow down your healing process. Don't waste the energy on someone that does not deserve it.

I totally understand. The only reason not to do that is..... Too much drama for you to deal with. Not to mention that people tend to shoot the mesanger. If they cared about how he really is, truly cared, it seems they would have called you by now to hear what's going on. I don't think they want to know. Ignorance is comfort.

I let his cousin know what he did but sent it in a private message. Of course she had no idea because he never said any of it on FB, but he wouldn't , would he? Anyway, she was very sorry about what had happened and told me that he was way out of line for what he's done. She also filled me in on some things that I had no prior knowledge of and she said that he was running. She's been a great source of support because she's been through this twice already and said the second time was really bad.

But getting back to the original point...yes, I've felt the same way and at times I think that I would like nothing more than to see him pay for what he's done but I also realize that there is no punishment worse than what he's doing to himself and the worst part about all of this is that he doesn't even see that his life is heading towards self-destruction. He'll pay for what he's done but it won't be by my hand...it will be by his.

I'm thinking posting that message makes it look like he is still in control of your feelings and actions. That he still has such a hold on you that you need to lash out. He's so not worth it.

Have some self control it will make you feel so much better letting go. Take the high road, not under the rock with him.. Good Luck.

I think most if not all ppl want revenge and yes......there is one legal, good revenge that you can do......live well!

My daughter is getting married in 1.5 years and it will be the first time we will be at an event together (we have been divorced for a little over 3 years....separated 9 years). I have recently been diagnosed with diabetes and immediately took control of my health. I'm dropping weight like crazy and I took up salsa dancing for exercise. I wanna look good, dance like crazy, and show the world (and him) how truly happy I am........and I know he will hate that cuz he is counting on me to fall on my face.
The truth of the matter.....I am the happiest and the best I have ever been in my life.
So yes.......get revenge by living well and taking care of yourself!

Thank you all! I knew you would talk me off the ledge!

Some days are hard, as I have truly lived an honest life, been the best daughter, sister, wife, friend, etc. that I can be and can't figure out why I deserve all of this. On the other hand he has been married and divorced 5 times (didn't know about half the wife's until we seperated), he left his 3 older kids when they were less than 6 months, 2 and 3 years...just walked away from them and their mom for another woman. The kids are adults now and know this but yet forgive him and worship him. He left his youngest son when he was only 3...and on Christmas Day. Walked in on Christmas told his 4th wife he no longer loved her, couldn't stand to be with her another moment and was leaving her for his mistress.
His son is now 14, knows what happened and in the last year has chosen to live with his dad because he idolizes him so much. This is just two examples of horrible things he has done...there are many, many more yet he never has to pay for anything that he does! His kids and family know that he left me for someone he was having an affair with - for the most part their response has been lack of surprise (they have lived through this 4 other times) and a simple "sorry you had to go through this but such is life and move on." Is it wrong that I wish just once he had to suffer the consequences for his actions?? He has told people that I have financially ruined him (took him for everything in the divorce) but I still don't feel that is enough justice.
I guess ultimately it is not my responsibily to decide his punishment, hopefully a higher power will take care of that.

Just struggling today....sorry for all the rambling!!

Hi ALD: Mine has been 5 times too. I think that they get theirs and we don't know about it because we don't see it.

I figure that if he's been married to so many women after me, he's developed a woman's hate club in his area and probably has knee damage, carries water with him everywhere to use after pepper spray and wears a cod piece to protect his "nads"

So you might want to realize you've got more women that he's chucked, so let them have at him and you just sit back. I'm sure they have done a number on him at one time or another.

Let the revenge go. I will not get you anywhere. No one can make you happy but you. We have all been there. Done that. You can't live in the past if you are hoping for your future.

Living well is the best revenge. So is divorcing well.

I wanted all types of revenge too, but the sweetest revenge occurred in the courtroom when I walked away with over half our assets, and kept both retirement accounts that he wanted.

Now I have a home of my own and I don't have to deal with him. That's the kind of revenge to get.

Sending hugs!!

Hi Ald, you look like such a nice person, they are not worth your time, and wasting time being revengeful will only cause more pain for you. Try to have some fun to get your mind off of their issues

Hi there,

I have not figured out yet why mornings are the hardest times for me and the times I am also more apt to have thoughts like yours. I have to do a lot of mental work to snap out of it. Praying, gratitude lists, journaling, reading. Usually by the time I am done I realize he isn't worth the time and or effort it would take to seek revenge.

I also realize that in the past anything I tried to do to make myself feel better that involved dealing with him or his family only made me feel worse every single time. I find that the things I do solely for myself to grow in this God awful pain, actually do work even if it's only temporary until the next round of thoughts or sadness hit.

I trust that this is a process and that as time goes on the bouts of obsessive thoughts and sadness will lessen.

I have also found in my lifetime through tremendous pain and suffering at the hands of others, times when I sincerely wanted the person who caused it to suffer. The thing is in some cases I was around to witness their karma and truthfully, all I felt was sad for them. It didn't make me feel any better when it actually happened. It did nothing to fix the damage they caused me. I had to work to fix that myself. It was then that I realized more than I wanted to see anyone suffer, I simply wanted to recover and feel better myself. Thats all I want now too. You are not alone and I am sure we have all had those thoughts. The blessing is that they pass and you will be glad that you let them pass without acting on them. Good for you for reaching out on here instead!!! Hang in there. Praying for you xoxo

I'm with you, I want revenge too, badly. So much pain and devastation, how could we not want revenge (sinister giggle). I have fantasized about doing harmful things to him a few times, but it made me feel worse. I wanted to smear him on facebook too because nobody in his family knows he doesn't see his kids or pay what the judge ordered. He's a lowlife scumbag and I want the world to know it. But I never have said one coarse word about him online. Only to my friends in person, the ones who have been with me through the whole mess, where the hateful words of anger can just evaporate into the air. The pressure releases, and I don't create any lasting damage. I also fear that if something is written online, in any venue, be it facebook, twitter, or even an email, it's out there and on the loose to be passed around and used against you later in court...and you will probably be back there for something or other at some point. You don't want a judge to see that and hold it against you.
All the best to you!

Hey Brand: when the mornings are bad, start putting some seed for some birds outside in the morning. They'll be singing out there for you every morning and you'll enjoy seeing them.

I have two long hair cats and years back the birds were coming onto my patio and stealing the strings out of my mop. So my brain had an idea and I began grooming my cats and putting that fur on the mop. The birds began taking the fur and leaving the mop alone.

So I was grooming the cats early every morning and leaving long cat fur all around the top of the patio walls and on the mop.

Eventually, I had the bird kingdom waiting on the patio walls for me every morning to groom my cats and put the fur out. One morning I woke up late and I had a bird on the floor of my patio screaming at me through the sliding glass back door. It had become the "Bird Mafia" instead of just birds. I quickly groomed and put the fur out. I thought to myself how unusual our neighborhood must be to have bird nests all lined with cat fur.

Eventually I had to stop because my cats were like "oh no, not again with the grooming for these Mafia Birds" and the birds were coming to my sliding glass door to remind me to hurry up.

Thank you AsTimeGoesBy, I will take you up on that. I love birds. I need something to fill that empty void I feel in the morning. Thanks again xoxo