Every time get a  new notification I am hoping it is him, hoping he misses me as much as I miss him. I wish I could give him a big hug and just cry but then I realize I can’t because he is the one who wanted this. This is for him, not for me I didn’t want this. I wish I could stop the sadness I just keep thinking how he will never hold me again no more cuddling all night or holding hands.I loved how soft his hands were. Today will be day 3 of no talking. Im scared this will be the time he actually leaves me alone.  I know I need to move on, but I  can’t help but wish he wanted me the way I wanted him.he probably spent the weekend out with his friends, doing God knows what. It didn’t have to be this way. I know everything happens for a reason, it just breaks my heart over and over again because I wasnt ready to stop loving him.I still love him with all my heart and I don’t know how I will ever stop and move on. The thought of anyone else touching me makes me sick. I loved how sweet he could be. I feel like I am torturing myself by reliving all of my favorite moments over and over. Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier, but I’m still waiting for that day. I am strategically waiting to see if he will call again unconsciously clearing my schedule so I can be available if he calls. I know that isn’t right and the only way to move on is to stop making myself readily available but all I really ever wanted was him, but he didn’t feel the same and there is nothing I can do about it. He lied, and he broke my heart time after time after time, and in the end it was still him who didn’t see a future with me. How could he want some other girl in his bed, in my spot. I just left such a short time ago, the spot where my clothes were is barely cold, and the shadow from where my toothbrush laid next to his is still there and he is already ready to fill that spot. It just shatters me. Makes me want to crawl into a ball and never come out.  just like that he’s gone. No longer mine, no longer around, I’m just left with memories and used to bes.  I hate living life without him he was supposed to be my person. I always thought we were there for each other and got each other in a way that no one else would. Now I am left with 3 days of nothing and each day will break a new record for the time passed with words gone unsaid.